Relationship so hard don't no what to do anymoe

Thankyou all for your replies,this last 4 weeks has been hell on earth for all of us, my partner made a stupid joke about our neighbour which got twisted somewhat and made its way back to him, he's really pissed off as they don't get along and has made a couple of indirect violent threats towards him. My partner couldn't deal with this and has made 5 suicide attempts in three weeks. I've had to call the police out to stop him and they have sectioned him twice but each time they've let him go as they don't think he actually wants to hurt himself, they've had to inform children's services so I've got that hanging over me for Christmas although police,hospital,schools etc are all saying I do a really good job coping and have no concerns in regards to the children it's still scary as I've never been through this before. I go from crying for him to being so angry for putting us in this position which I know I shouldn't as its not his fault. I very rarely tell him how pissed off I am but he knows as i can't even look me in the eye. The neighbour lives next door so he won't leave the house without me, I love Christmas and this year I'm just faking it for the kids. Most of my friends have stopped talking to me as they are sick of it and just see it as attention seeking.

We are all here for you @bekka1986

I know that there is no judgement here,

I need to get to sleep now but I just wanted to let you know that you are being read here. @Appleblossom

@Shaz51 @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member @pip @Mazarita @Jacques @Shaz51 @Former-Member @Decadian @Chris @Former-Member

Am thinking of you @bekka1986

PeppiPatty

Hi @bekka1986

I have read your whole thread and unfortuately I have little to offer except that this is a terrible situation and I am so sorry about it

One reason your friends feel you are just looking for attention is that you are staying in all of this and talking about it - which here we understand - but people not in an unliveable situation would see

But alas my suggestion has to be blunt - and that is you must leave for the sake of the children. I don't know where Mental Illness just becomes bad behaviour - but what he is doing is going to affect your children for life and they do not need this

From where I stand (and I am divorced and have been for a long time) staying in a marriage where neither you nor your husband/partner can function is not helping anyone

I care as we all care here - and any decision you make here will be okay with us - we will go on supporting you - but what you describe sounds really terrible

So I wish you the best - this is a horrible situation - it is up to your husband/partner to find and accept help - and things can change -

It's really sad for you and your children to face this - and right now - faking the Christmas Spirit is not fun at all

And I do care

Decadian

Hi @bekka1986

Can your GP help organise some support / assistance for you ?

Whichever way this turns out, you need support, and need to make use of whatever is available. In an overwhelming situation, high is what you have, you probably don't know where to start looking. That's why I have suggested your GP - she me one who knows you and can relate on a more personal level, along with being clued in about what support services are available, and how to go about accessing them.

With support, you will be in a better position to make the decisions that you feel are the best choices for you and the kids. Your hubby is making him s own choices .... and I believe there is a liine, even with diminished responsibility, whereby you have to prioritise your kids safety and well-being, and your own. If you can manage that, and stay with him with support, that also becomes one of your choices.

Remember that if you go down then there are two patients ipwhere there was one before ,,, and who will look after both of you p, and the kids ? Whatever your ur choice is, you ought not to be walking through it alone ...

We are here as moral support and a sounding board .... you are not alone in that way even now ....

Take care. Sorry your "friends" haven't stood by you when the going got so rough ....

💗💕

hello @bekka1986

Gosh, where to start in expressing how you must possibly be feeling. A rollercoaster ride.

Three separate entities here:

a} your children need to be safe and not witnessing anymore if any of the previous events

b) yourself - need to be safe, away from aggression

c) your partner - does he have a regular psychiatrist who is changing his medication due to new diagnoses?

is this the public health system or private psychiatrist? how regularly is he seeing said psychiatrist?

who is monitoring his new medication? it does not sound as though he is getting the right help.

when changing or starting new medications there are often side effects, different for each person. It sounds to me as though that is what is happening with him. Yes he has these new diagnoses but his body is also getting rid of the old chemical (as in previous medication if no longer on it) and adapting or rejecting new. he has attempted that many s"s sorry not sure how to abbreviate? that in itself should be not only ringing alarm bells but banging loud drums. what is going on with that hospital? where are your partner's family in all of this? they need to step up and assist. you have their grandchildren, neices, nephews etc.

his reaction with the engagement ring and sexual aggression speaks to me that he is out of control when put together with other incidents. still cant believe just let out of hospital. do you have an advocate, family member, close friend who would be able to help you without judging, speak to the registrar at the hospital and ask why discharged.

I received and email from sane today about forum tonight. At the bottom of that email click on mental (in blue writing) which will take you to a page where there are names of many organisations. Carers Australia is very good as is NEAMI. There will be some on that page for your state. ring them & explain that you need to talk about help for you and your children but also help about your partner mental illness worsened. only talk about what you are comfortable with.

can the children after christmas day or on that night stay with family so that you can have some space and take a breath?

this all sounds very exhausting.

talk to your partner with a friend, or family member present and explain that you and your children need to have a break from him whilst he works at improving his help. you understand that he needs time to do that and it will probably help him too because he wont need to worry about you.

talk to the professionals and decide whether or not you want to stay incontact via email or text or skype or just have complete break.

now is the wrong time of year for break ups.

this is a separation for now noone knows which way it will go. you both need help separately and later together.

my heart goes out to you and also to your children and your partner who is clearly unwell and struggling with i believe changes in medications not having the right ones yet. it can take ages to get the right medication and usually is best done in hospital where he can be monitored and kept safe.

please keep in touch on here. even if you only say hello. we all care and want the best for all of you. xx

Oh @bekka1986

sending you hugs

my heart goes out to you and also to your children and your partner who is clearly unwell and struggling

Has your partner have a MI team that can step in and help somehow

please keep in touch on here. even if you only say hello. we all care and want the best for all of you. xx

Hello @bekka1986

You have been dealt a difficult hand.

The other posters say it directly.

It is fair not to engage in love-making with someone .. who is being manipulative and irresponsible and letting you do all the dirty work. Its not an exchange or duty .. it needs to evolve within the context of the 2 WHOLE persons in the relationship .. if he is regressing a bit and being a bit abusive.. and it may not be permanent .. of course he loses natural intimacy .. it goes with the territory.

Sorry but It seems like your partner .. needs to learn a few lessons about dirtying his nest.

It has nothing to do with mental health .. I have been totally off my head .. and still swept up my messes and other people's messes. He is lucky he HAD you .. and to keep you .. he needs to learn to do something about himself .. get help .. and do the WORK .. therapuetic .. practical .. apologising .. and stop being a twerp .. and then a chicken ..

Look after you and kids .. and wait and see if he can pull himself together a bit .. nobody is perfect .. but you have been patient .. and done hard yards ..

Take care

Hi @JB4 ..... welcome to the forms .... 🌷💜

My "like" for your post was "I hear you ....!" 😔

Four children in 12 years is a big deal .... ‼️

I had five children in 10 years, twins amongst them and one with a disability .... not intending that to come across as a "spitting contest" ..... just to say that I understand the sort of pressures you are under, and yeah .... since battling an mi in my hubby in the last few years - who was pretty much work-absent when the kids were growing up - I think it was easier that he was absent ....

Our mi issue is an eating disorder, and I have since learned that he had it when our kids were small, in a different form. At that point it was BED, and he wasn't fighting within himself, just succumbing .... the work-absenteeism, although deemed necessary for our business needs, I can now relate to as an OCD behaviour, and believe that our line of industry attracts and supports these sort of tendencies. It is also an underlying condition often associated with e.d.'s .....

Our current form is an OCD nightmare of atypical BN or AN, perhaps BPAN .... can't get him diagnosed or treated cos he is still firmly in the denial stage, and is hiding the disordered behaviours behind a mask.

So ..... the "where did my husband go ?" or "who is this imposter ?" I can relate to so well .... 😕

I began with trying to excuse him .... and it sounds like you might have too with yours ....

✳️ It's difficult managing a large, young family ..... but most difficult for you if you are the primary care-giver .... and who is caring for the carer .... ??

✳️ It's tiring ..... you betcha it is .... !! ..... and you need to be given a break, not have marbles thrown under your feet ....

Words twisted .... eggshells .... anger .... 🤔

I started with our family doctor. Unfortunately for me, my hubby had been losing weight under the watchful eye of our doctor, and lying, disguising, fudging what was really happening, so an intervention was taken against me initially .... 😠.... but I don't expect that would be your case, and despite hat I have battled through, I would still recommend your family doctor as your first port of call .... ✔️

Your husband may be feeling entirely overwhelmed and this "ugly guy" is his response. The GP should be able to organise counselling for you as a couple. Do you think it's worth a try ? Your hubby might need a skill set that he is lacking at the moment, especially if he was raised in a household where the child raising was left to his mother, and his father's peace at home was sanctified .... :face_with_rolling_eyes:

An mi might get picked up and diagnosed in the counselling process .... 👍🏼

Of course you have other options, but like me, they are likely to be a choice between a rock and a hard place". Whatever your decision, you need and deserve support - support to stay, or support to go. I have chosen to stay, but going to a counsellor gave me a voice with someone where I wasn't being heard before, and I have moral support.

It also gave me credibility, although of course it's being misconstrued as me having an anxiety issue by my hubby .... :face_with_rolling_eyes:😜😆 .... I can live with that. The truth will eventually emerge.

Please keep chatting with us here. I have found the forms an invaluable peer support. Just the sense of anonymity provides a place to vent, and that is so important, especially when managing your children. Your own sense of overwhelm and distress needs an out somewhere. You will also be on the Rceiving end of compassion, shared experiences, solid advice, and a shoulder to cry on when needed.

Keep swimming ..... 🐠🐠🐠 .... and we'll be swimming with you.