Struggling

Thanks for your message @Dimity. It was lovely to hear from you.

The caravan is dry, but outside is running water everywhere. The rain is really pouring down.

I got up and had something to eat and drink.

Now waiting until I can take my night-time meds so I can say goodbye to this day.

I hope you are doing okay.

Take care,
RedHorse 🌹🐴

I'm doing OK thanks @RedHorse . I had a class this afternoon. Still feeling like an outsider as the group has been meeting for several years. It took me 2 hours to get home due to late buses and missed connections.

The rain must be really heavy. I hope your horse is OK. We had some rain this afternoon but I'd left the cat inside. He's demanding attention atm so it's a bit hard to type.

I enjoyed the Eurovision - Australia Decides show as a bit of escapism. You might be able to stream it.

Cheers - hope you have a better night -

Dimity

Two hours to get home from class sounds a bit tiring @Dimity. I hope it's not like that every time you go.

It sounds challenging joining such an established group, several years is a long time.

I hope you are enjoying the content of the class and still see it as a worthwhile venture. I guess you will feel more integrated as time goes by.

Yes, the rain has been falling steadily for days now.

Fortunately my horse is on higher ground with proper shelter and care.

Your cat sounds like a real character. I remember reading about paperwork being pushed off the desk in another thread.

I'm going to try and get up and wash my face, brush my hair and eat something but first I have to get into my wet weather gear and motivation is low..

Anyway enough about me, enjoy your day.

Take care,
RedHorse 🌹🐴

I did a really stupid thing.

I had an episode and tried to flee and got the ute well and truly bogged in the mud.

In my mind, my living conditions were/are the main source of my distress and I wanted to book into a hotel in town to enjoy indoor plumbing and a comfortable room for the night.

Not going to happen.

Probably a good thing as I was/am a mess and didn't take my meds or phone with me.

Got some much needed exercise trudging back to the van.

Feeling sorry for myself, foolish and stuck...

Oh no @RedHorse being stranded is the last thing you need. Do you feel you need a MH intervention like inpatient admission uor c5an you hang on and try to get help extricating your Ute. Whatever you do it's important others know your situation whether that's family neighbours or your MH supports. Your caravan sounds like a sanctuary in some ways tonight, it's yours and it's a refuge from the weather. But if you need emergency relief it's vital to reach out and ask for it. Sending you hugs and best wishes

Dimity

I should have known better @Dimity, what with all the rain there's no way my driveway would be passable but I wasn't thinking straight.

You're right about my caravan being a sanctuary tonight, I'm lying here warm and dry after a good mud splattering and rain soaking.

Your comment put a different perspective on things, thankyou. I am now grateful to be here. 🙏

I'm pretty sure that I can get a tow out tomorrow morning so that's good news.

Take care,

RedHorse 🌹🐴

Am wondering why it is that when things go well for me I feel bad soon afterwards? Anti-climax I suppose.

Yesterday I got my ute unstuck and back safe and sound. I was relieved and grateful and spent the evening watching comedy and even laughed out loud a few times. Fell asleep listening to an audiobook. Slept fairly well. Listened to the end of the audiobook in bed this morning... but when it was time to get up and face the day I felt drained and distressed.

Just posting this as a record for myself and don't expect any replies. I've noticed that I feel better when I engage in the forum which I didn't do yesterday.

RedHorse 🌹🐴

I'm so tired of struggling just to get the basics done each day.

It's like I'm sliding further and further back into the land of no return.

Feeling hopeless and alone. Recovery seems distant...

I am safe, just sharing my progress or lack of it.

RedHorse 🌹🐴

Ohh hugs @RedHorse ❤❤❤

Ye I hear you red horse. I often feel myself hating people and ruminating on it. I go to bed and it’s all right there in front of my mind. Went to my shrink the other day and she kind of said thinking about life’s unfairness is childish. That life is often unfair . I thought this was a valuable observation but I did think later that I doubt she gets treated like shit as I do and there are some people who get treated poorly all the time.
the session did however motivate me a bit and in my own way I’m getting more done.