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Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

I was raped a little over 20 years ago now. It was by someone I knew and trusted and it occurred in my own home. I was physically injured, concussed, ashamed, afraid, embarrassed - all the usual things.

I never reported it to the authorities and never spoke to anyone about it. I had never been a particularly social person, but afterwards I isolated myself completely other than heading off to work dutifully each day.

After 18 years of almost constant battles with anxiety, flashbacks, nightmares, triggers, etc, I finally sought help from a psychologist. Initially it was for pain management as I suffered a severe back injury about 2 years after the rape. So after almost 2 years of occasional appointments I finally told her during a particularly difficult time (anniversary) what had happened all those years ago.

So early last year I was officially diagnosed with PTSD. On my clinical psychologists advice I have undergone a series of Exposure Therapy and CBT last year. It was a long, arduous and extremely difficult process. However, it did help to some degree.

However the nightmares, anxiety symptoms, etc continued. This was probably made worse as last year was an extremely difficult one for me all round. My little 11yo niece was killed in a car accident, my brother seriously and permanently injured, I was retrenched from my job when the business was sold, and I found out that my husband was cheating on me again. So I guess none of that helped.

And then on 29th February this year it was the 20th anniversary of my trauma. It seemed to hit me even harder than usual, I dont know why. There just seemed to be triggering events around every corner, it was awful. I struggled very badly.

My psychologist decided to try EMDR treatment once things settled down a bit. She felt it would help with the emotional content of my traumatic memories. So between April and early September this year, I have undergone 10 2xhour EMDR sessions. I am now on a break to see how things are now.

But in the meantime she wants me to talk to people about what happened, as it is an important part of the recovery process she says. However I find this really hard as I do not have any friends (my hubby is a narsissist according to my psychologist). I have become very isolated other than for my part-time work which I was lucky enough to find in January. I do some volunteer work in the aged care industry, which I enjoy. But I just do not have any friends I am able to talk to. My family live a long way away, and I could never tell them anyway.

Although I am still unable to verbally speak about the rape, I can now write about it, and even think about it to some extent, without bringing on a panic attack. So that's progress. I hope that by discussing it further and by learning how other people cope with their PTSD symptoms, I can further desensitise myself from my traumatic memories.

Hence my decision to try an online forum. I look forward to responses from other people who have had similar experiences to myself. I am definitely more of a listener than a talker, so I hope that I may be able to be of assistance to others here as well.

Thankyou for taking the time to read my story.

2344 replies

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In response to: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Re: Living with PTSD (potentially triggering material)

I understand @Former-Member 💜

Feeling the same.

Take care. 🌸🌺🌷

In response to: Re: Living with PTSD (potentially triggering material)

Re: Living with PTSD (potentially triggering material)

@Zoe7 @Mumi @outlander @Shaz51 @Faith-and-Hope @Sam3 @Starta @Peri @BlueBay @Sophia1

I must point out that there is a trigger warning on this thread for a reason, and would suggest you not read on if you are feeling vulnerable in any way.

@Former-Member @Former-Member - From yours and the moderator's instructions, plus the guidelines, I believe I am within the rules in what I have posted here. I was told to talk about how I feel, rather than a description of what occurred. Thats what I have attempted to do this time. Now that I am no longer in the grip or immediate aftermath of a flashback, I can now do that.

Take #2

I've battened down the hatches the past couple of days. Not answering calls, keeping to myself, cutting myself off from the outside world as much as possible. Its my way of self preservation. I keep reliving what happened all those 23 years ago. What more could I have done to prevent or stop the rape? Did I do something wrong to cause him to do that to me? He arrived in the light of day, as someone I had once considered a good friend ... turns out he was a devil in disguise. He left under cover of darkness ... and the things he did has haunted my thoughts, both conscious and unconscious, ever since.

The past few days I have barely slept. Every time I drift off I have nightmares again. A couple of nights ago when I posted here in the early morning, I'd been stuck in a moment I was unable to escape from ... a flashback. I had woken and found myself there again ... I felt the pain, I saw his face, I heard his demands, I could taste the blood and smell smoke on his breath ... it was all there, and all so very real. The fear, the struggle, the futility of resisting. I haven't had such a strong reaction for several years. And I'm not sure why that is.

I've seen his face hovering over me so many times over the years .. threatening .. demanding ... warning ... causing fear within me. As that face drifts in and out of my consciousness on days like the past few, it brings to mind all the things I felt at the time ... pain, fear, weakness, confusion, horror, disbelief ... and finally ... defeat. I still wonder why? I'm told I can still bring charges against him if I choose to. But I don't think I could ever do that ... I'm too weak, too much of a broken human being. I wish I could ask him why that day ever happened. What were his intentions when visiting me out of the blue, and unannounced, on that day? I'd not seen or heard from him for 3 years. Was it a spur of the moment thing? Was he on drugs and not aware of the wrong he inflicted on an unsuspecting victim? The thing is, I'm never going to know. He disappeared into the night, never to be seen by me again. Perhaps there are no real answers anyway. I know where he is, even now. I check occasionally occasionally, just so I know I am still far away from where he is. I moved house to escape all those years ago. I was too scared about the possibility of walking around a corner and seeing him, even though it was a large city in which I lived.

I wish I were as brave as the victims of Cardinal George Pell and the Catholic Church as a whole. I wonder are they relieved by his conviction this week? I'm happy for those many victims and I hope they gain comfort from knowing they have finally been believed and their stories vindicated. But it won't take away their pain or their heartache, and it won't mend their broken lives. But what courage to have taken on the 3rd most senior Catholic in the world.

Its now after midnight, and I'm in great need of a decent sleep. Yet I remain reluctant to try, despite the medications I'm on to help with that. I'm dreading bedtime, as night falls and all becomes quiet. I feel lost, alone and very vulnerable. Hubby is in the house, but he sleeps soundly most of the night. I hear things ... every little sound. I jump at every noise I hear, instantly alert. I keep checking that doors are locked, windows closed. How crazy is that? Theres nobody out there, and I'm safe. I really must be crazy!

In response to: Re: Living with PTSD (potentially triggering material)

Re: Living with PTSD (potentially triggering material)

@Former-Member is it possible for you to report this crime, and provide a victim statement without actually pressing charges, stating (with a letter of psych support) that you are not strong enough to manage the judicial processes involved ?

My first priority in asking this question is you ..... hoping that, even if you prepared these statements and your psych or someone were able to keep them safely for you, it will help you to know that you have created that much of a voice for yourself.

There might also be a time when someone does press charges against him, and your voice could be heard as a secondary one ..... one of the “others have come forward” only you are doing that from now, keeping it ready for “then”.

There is also something else that I can bear in what you are writing. There doesn’t seem to be middle ground. There doesn’t seem to be a place for those who have been injured by such crimes to step forward without entering the judicial process of pressing charges, and if a facility could be created whereby reports are acknowledged, with the notation that the forward process from that is too overwhelming to proceed with, then the police have it all as back-up for the time when someone is strong enough to press charges.

I really feel for you @Former-Member and I can listen and sit with you. What happened to you makes my blood boil, and I hope one day you get to see him brought to justice. I know that doesn’t take away what happened, but validation is important. I am so proud of you continuing to speak out here. With you and for you Hon.

In response to: Re: Living with PTSD (potentially triggering material)

Re: Living with PTSD (potentially triggering material)

Big big hugs @Former-Member
💖❤💙💚💗💛💟💜

In response to: Re: Living with PTSD (potentially triggering material)

Re: Living with PTSD (potentially triggering material)

@Former-Member I hear and feel your pain Hon. I have also been through that process of having to decide whether to report the same crime and determine the impact it would have on me. My decision was an easy one to make in the end as I did not want others to know what had happened - that was not something I could put my family through and if I reported it then it was also not something I could go through again - so I understand your reluctance to report it.

I also very much get the feelings and thoughts you continually have - the nightmares, flashbacks, feeling it in both body and mind - the smells, the tastes and your body reacting to the trauma - none of that goes away especially when you are triggered and it can be excruciating to go through it all again. There is also that feeling that you will not survive this and that is something that plays on your mind so much still. But you did survive it and you are here Hon and that is important to remember too. You have immense strength and courage to continue to move forward in your life and that is something you should be proud of. You also have used your very bad experience to have empathy for others and your 'story' is an inspiration for others to know they can get through such things as well.

I know there are no words that can alleviate the pain when you are going through it again but we are here listening and hearing you Hon and walking right with you. I think you are an incredibly strong person who has so much to give to this world and every day you show that despite great adversity you continue to care for your hubby and others in your life - you also deserve some of that care for yourself Hon. Many hugs and much love 💛🧡💚💙💜

In response to: Re: Living with PTSD (potentially triggering material)

Re: Living with PTSD (potentially triggering material)

So well said @Zoe7 .....

💜💐💕🌷💚 @Former-Member

In response to: Re: Living with PTSD (potentially triggering material)

Re: Living with PTSD (potentially triggering material)

hugs @Former-Member

In response to: Re: Living with PTSD (potentially triggering material)

Re: Living with PTSD (potentially triggering material)

Morning @Former-Member
Thinking of you lots 💗

In response to: Re: Living with PTSD (potentially triggering material)

Re: Living with PTSD (potentially triggering material)

@Former-Memberare you ok my darling xoxo

In response to: Re: Living with PTSD (potentially triggering material)

Re: Living with PTSD (potentially triggering material)

Oh @Shaz51 .. I dont really know how to answer that. Yes .. No .. Maybe .. Unsure. One day one answer, the next day will be another. I'm all over the place. Things just keep piling up. I think I'll get a moments respite, but then something else comes up.

My sleep has continued to be bad over the past week. Just when I thought the nightmares were reducing in intensity and ferocity, they were bad again last night. Woke in a panic, unable to breathe, and thought I was being suffocated all over again. An awful feeling, and hard to settle from afterwards.

Hubby has not been doing too well either. In a lot of pain lately, and has had 3 more falls in the past week. Saw his Dr again today and he has changed and added to his medications. He wants us to bring forward his next visit to his neurologist to get his advice. Understandably hubby is angry, impatient and volatile. Then he switches to being afraid and feeling vulnerable and dependant on me. I know its very hard for him, and I think its probably equally hard for me.

I was talking to my brother on the weekend and he shocked me with some very unexpected news. I dont want to divulge that news just yet. It is potentially an unlikely blessing, but it could equally prove to be utterly devastating if things dont go well. I'm just really concerned for he and his wife right now. They just cannot handle more possibly tragic news. It will be a few more weeks before they know more.

Thanks everyone else for your posts too. I will respond properly to you all soon. I'm not ignoring you, just trying to get into a better frame of mind to properly respond. I dont want to stuff up again. Which is another reason I have not been posting here in the middle of the night, when I otherwise might. @outlander @Faith-and-Hope @Zoe7 @Former-Member @BlueBay

@Starta I realise March is a shocker of a month for you, so you're understandably quiet. I think of you a lot though and hope you are doing as well as possible. I would very much welcome hearing from you, when you feel up to it. Either here or on your thread.

@Peri Last I heard from you, your anxiety had been especially bad. I do hope things have settled down a little bit for you. How are the job apps going? Look forward to talking again when you get a chance.

Thanks everyone, and really sorry to have been such a misery guts lately. I hope to get through all this soon.

Sherry 💜

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