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Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

I was raped a little over 20 years ago now. It was by someone I knew and trusted and it occurred in my own home. I was physically injured, concussed, ashamed, afraid, embarrassed - all the usual things.

I never reported it to the authorities and never spoke to anyone about it. I had never been a particularly social person, but afterwards I isolated myself completely other than heading off to work dutifully each day.

After 18 years of almost constant battles with anxiety, flashbacks, nightmares, triggers, etc, I finally sought help from a psychologist. Initially it was for pain management as I suffered a severe back injury about 2 years after the rape. So after almost 2 years of occasional appointments I finally told her during a particularly difficult time (anniversary) what had happened all those years ago.

So early last year I was officially diagnosed with PTSD. On my clinical psychologists advice I have undergone a series of Exposure Therapy and CBT last year. It was a long, arduous and extremely difficult process. However, it did help to some degree.

However the nightmares, anxiety symptoms, etc continued. This was probably made worse as last year was an extremely difficult one for me all round. My little 11yo niece was killed in a car accident, my brother seriously and permanently injured, I was retrenched from my job when the business was sold, and I found out that my husband was cheating on me again. So I guess none of that helped.

And then on 29th February this year it was the 20th anniversary of my trauma. It seemed to hit me even harder than usual, I dont know why. There just seemed to be triggering events around every corner, it was awful. I struggled very badly.

My psychologist decided to try EMDR treatment once things settled down a bit. She felt it would help with the emotional content of my traumatic memories. So between April and early September this year, I have undergone 10 2xhour EMDR sessions. I am now on a break to see how things are now.

But in the meantime she wants me to talk to people about what happened, as it is an important part of the recovery process she says. However I find this really hard as I do not have any friends (my hubby is a narsissist according to my psychologist). I have become very isolated other than for my part-time work which I was lucky enough to find in January. I do some volunteer work in the aged care industry, which I enjoy. But I just do not have any friends I am able to talk to. My family live a long way away, and I could never tell them anyway.

Although I am still unable to verbally speak about the rape, I can now write about it, and even think about it to some extent, without bringing on a panic attack. So that's progress. I hope that by discussing it further and by learning how other people cope with their PTSD symptoms, I can further desensitise myself from my traumatic memories.

Hence my decision to try an online forum. I look forward to responses from other people who have had similar experiences to myself. I am definitely more of a listener than a talker, so I hope that I may be able to be of assistance to others here as well.

Thankyou for taking the time to read my story.

2344 replies

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In response to: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

@Zoe7@Appleblossom@Shaz51@Former-Member@Maggie@outlander@BlueBay@Peri@Starta@Sam3@Faith-and-Hopeand anyone else travelling through.

Thanks everyone for your kind thoughts and your enquiries. As I mentioned earlier the apt did not go well. I was hoping that by now, I could forget all about it, and know it was all done and one less thing to worry about. But thats not the case. I'm going to have to go through it all again.

The GP was lovely - understanding and supportive and all that, but still it was still a very difficult time. During all the preliminary questions they ask, I got a bit teary and she must have noticed me shaking. She was immediately concerned, and said to me "you're shaking, are you okay"? I explained that its not easy for me and I get anxious about pap smears. She said she didnt like them either, but explained why they are important to have, etc. Yeah yeah, I know all that, and thats the only reason I was even there.

Anyway she talked to me about other stuff until I settled down a bit, because she told me I would need to be a little calmer otherwise she wouldnt be able to carry out the procedure. I just wanted it done, so after I composed my self a little, I said I was ready.

Anyway, firstly she couldnt get the damned tool in, I was in tears, and it hurt. Eventually once she could get it in, she couldnt find the cervix. She made 3 attempts using 3 different sets of equipment, and still no sight of the cervix. I was told last time that I have a tilted cervix, or it might have been twisted or maybe warped. Ahh no, sorry .. its me thats warped! I dont know, it was something like that.

She spoke to me the whole time and was very kind, reminding me to breathe and all that. She asked several times if I wanted her to stop, but I kept saying I just wanted it over with. But I couldnt relax, couldnt stop shaking and couldnt stop crying.

After 3 attempts, she said she didnt want to traumatise me any further, and needed to stop. She said she'd never been unable to accomplish a pap smear before. Not sure if that was meant to be some sort of comfort? Anyway It wasnt .. it just made me feel worse, and I kept apologising to her. I must have appeared such an ass!

She told me she would refer me to a gyneacologist. I said NO. She did say there appeared to be some issues and that she would strongly recommend I have the test. Especially since the last test I had 3 years ago was also unable to get a proper sample. For the same reasons I guess. And of course she again went through the reasons why I needed to.

Because she said I was too upset to leave at that point she decided to phone the hospital clinic where apparently they do pap tests. She said it was just to find out days times and availability. But she ended up making an appointment at the hospital clinic for me, in 2 weeks time.

So, all up, I was in there just on an hour ... and accomplished absolutely nothing other than to make me feel like shit. And I still have to go through all this again, with possibly the same result. I dont know what to do, I want to ring and cancel. Each time it only gets worse. I havent been able to stop crying since this morning, and I'm really shaky and feeling really weak.

I couldnt get to my volunteer job at the nursing home afterwards. I rang them and cancelled out. I guess I sounded weird, as the lady, whom I know quite well now, asked if I was okay. I just said I'd see them next week. And now I've got a throbbing headache and feel downright sick.

The GP asked me several times if I get anxious about other procedures too. I couldnt tell her, all I could do was bawl my eyes out! Pathetic creature that I am.

I'm really disappointed in myself. I have just send an email to my psych as she asked me to do. Should have done earlier, but I was feeling too upset. I expect she will respond tomorrow. I guess she'll be disappointed in me too. We talked a lot about this last week, I should have been okay. I SOOOOO do not want to go through all this again!

Sherry 💕

In response to: Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Awful for you @Former-Member Im so sorry you went through this today.

I went through similar at the end of last year. I had to see a gynaecologist.

Can you take more prn next time?

Im heading off to bed now. But wanted to say, I care and understand.

Sorry I can’t stay and chat.

💜💖🌷🌸

In response to: Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Oh @Former-Member that sounds like such an ordeal physically & mentally - I really feel for you. Have you been able to eat anything? Taken a headache tablet or PRN? Are you able to do any self-soothing that’s helped in the past (eg. warm bath)? YOU ARE NOT “AN ASS” & I cannot believe that anyone would be “disappointed in you”. Please know that you are a gutsy, giving woman who I think needs to “befriend” herself ie. let others like the psychologist look after you a bit or at minimum take it easy on yourself 🧡💚💙💛

In response to: Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Hi @Former-Member Sorry I deleted most of this message. I usually delete messages on here that are too personal. I hope you don’t mind and I hope you are ok today. Thinking of you. 💖☕️

I think perhaps more prn next time.

I hope you are ok and have settled to sleep.

Try and have an easy day tomorrow, if at all possible.

💜💖🌷🌸

In response to: Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Oh @Former-Member That is so stressful for you. I can only imagine what you are going through right now. That is all highly traumatising for you. It is important you tell yourelf that YOU did nothing wrong here. I know right now you are likely to be feeling that it is your fult that the procedure could not have been completed successfully but that is not the case Hon - it seems the GP didn't have the necessary skills to get a sample and that is no-ones fault - it happens. It is good that she made the appointment for you at the hospital but I understand that this is yet another couple of weeks of stress for you while waiting again.

We are here for you Hon - lean on us as much as you need

In response to: Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Thanks @Zoe7 @Former-Member @Sam3 @Shaz51 @BlueBay @outlander @Maggie @Starta @Peri @Faith-and-Hope

I heard from my psych overnight. Here's part of what she said:

"You poor thing, that sounds like a terrible experience. Just for perspective, well done to you for getting there, it was very very brave. You did achieve that and that is huge! It is a shame your cervix wouldn’t comply!
I think we probably need to meet and chat before any possible hospital appointment. The hospital needs to be a woman and you need some decent sedation so it is a bit easier for you. We can organise that with your GP. If you need someone to drive I can, and offer a bit of support too. I will check an appointment time in the morning so we can chat and get organised.
Thinking of you. You have permission for a stiff drink, just one, maybe 2".
So I guess I do need to keep things in perspective. I got there, which was an achievement in itself. And I tried. Yes Zoe, I do blame myself for the failure, hence the reason I suppose for my repeated apologies to the poor GP. Most people dont behave like I do I guess. I know when she rang the hospital to book me in there, she kept referring to me as a very difficult patient. That hurt a little bit, and I guess fed my feelings that it was my fault. I know in reality that it isnt.
Thanks Mumi for that information, and I am very sorry that you had to go through something similar last year.
Zoe the GP was very adament that I have the test. Perhaps she knows something isnt right? I also sobbed to her that I had been psyching myself up to yesterdays appointment for over 2 weeks, and now I have to do it all again in 2 weeks time. Not a lot she could do however. I was sorely tempted to say lets just leave it for a while, and let things settle. But I also know it wont rest in my mind until its done. Unfortunately, 2 weeks time was the earliest available apt at the hospital. And given its right in the middle of Feb, with end of Feb being my worst time of the year, I feel its all going to have an ongoing impact over the coming weeks.
My psych was very kind in offering to try to get me in to see her again before the next apt, and also to try to get my GP to prescribe something stronger for me to take beforehand. My GP was reluctant to give me anything last time, but in the end agreed to the quite mild anti anxiety meds he eventually gave me. I dont think it did anything at all, to be honest. However, when it comes down to it, I think it will be almost impossible to find a gap with my psych and a gap with my GP prior to the hospital apt. Always hard to get in to see my psych, and usually need to book in a month in advance for my GP. So its not looking too promising there. The reason my psych said she could drive me to the apt and stay with me as moral support, was because she knows hubby cant drive. Sweet of her, but I really couldnt allow her to do that for me. She does enough already. Incidentally I havent heard back from her today yet. Though I expect I will by tomorrow, she's usually pretty reliable in that regard.
I had a busy morning today with 2 appointments for hubby in town. Both went okay, just plodding along with no real change. I think being tied up with his appointments today has kept me preoccupied for the morning. But now I am feeling very much at a loose end, and I can feel the anxiety slowly rising again.
Yes Zoe, you and the others here, have always been here for me. You are a wonderful bunch of people, and I am eternally grateful to have access to the Sane forums. I can honestly say that they have been a life saver in the past, and continue to be a major comfort during times of upheaval and major stress. I am extremely aware that I am currently taking a lot, but giving little in return. I hope one day I can start to balance that ledger by giving more back than what I take.
Sherry 🌸😊💕

In response to: Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

You aremgiving so much to others Hon - I am constantly amazed at how much you read, support and post yourself under the most difficult of cirbumstances for you. I think you are very much underestimating how much you do give here - and part of that is sharing your journey with us. I think you are quite amazing with all that you are dealing with yet each day you get up and get on with it - whatever has to be done you do and you are not just a support for your hubby but other members of your family when needed. I think your psych sees this and honestly wants to help. It is not taking advantage of her in any way - the offer is there and she wouldn't have made that offer if she did nit mean it - not everyone would do that for you so she is one out of the box @Former-Member

My psych drove me to the leaver's dinner a couple of years ago as I was still such a mess but didn't want to miss seeing the kids for the last time. It was an offer I accepted eventually because I knew I couldn't drive to the area it was in without getting really triggered - she was there to help me settle before I went in (plus meds helped). I know it is so much worse in your situation but that added support can certainly help - and it would be so beneficial for you to have her there after the appointment to help you with all those feelings it bringsup for you. SOmething well worth thinking about Hon.

In response to: Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Dear @Former-Member

@I am so sorry that your appointment was so awful and it was not able to be all completed. Having to do it again! You are so strong. I am sure I would just refuse.

i have been following your thread and am so pleased the visit from your husbands son and family went so well.

you are dealing with so much you make me feel rather pathetic in comparison. I think you give way more than you take and I have only been on this forum for a short time.

i am thinking of you and only wishing the best for you

peri

In response to: Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

I really feel for you @Former-Member

you have supported me so many times and I appreciate it because you have your own struggles that you’re going through. And it’s tough for you I know.

Thinking of you ❤️❤️

In response to: Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

@Former-Member Hope this brightens your night a little Hon

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