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Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

I was raped a little over 20 years ago now. It was by someone I knew and trusted and it occurred in my own home. I was physically injured, concussed, ashamed, afraid, embarrassed - all the usual things.

I never reported it to the authorities and never spoke to anyone about it. I had never been a particularly social person, but afterwards I isolated myself completely other than heading off to work dutifully each day.

After 18 years of almost constant battles with anxiety, flashbacks, nightmares, triggers, etc, I finally sought help from a psychologist. Initially it was for pain management as I suffered a severe back injury about 2 years after the rape. So after almost 2 years of occasional appointments I finally told her during a particularly difficult time (anniversary) what had happened all those years ago.

So early last year I was officially diagnosed with PTSD. On my clinical psychologists advice I have undergone a series of Exposure Therapy and CBT last year. It was a long, arduous and extremely difficult process. However, it did help to some degree.

However the nightmares, anxiety symptoms, etc continued. This was probably made worse as last year was an extremely difficult one for me all round. My little 11yo niece was killed in a car accident, my brother seriously and permanently injured, I was retrenched from my job when the business was sold, and I found out that my husband was cheating on me again. So I guess none of that helped.

And then on 29th February this year it was the 20th anniversary of my trauma. It seemed to hit me even harder than usual, I dont know why. There just seemed to be triggering events around every corner, it was awful. I struggled very badly.

My psychologist decided to try EMDR treatment once things settled down a bit. She felt it would help with the emotional content of my traumatic memories. So between April and early September this year, I have undergone 10 2xhour EMDR sessions. I am now on a break to see how things are now.

But in the meantime she wants me to talk to people about what happened, as it is an important part of the recovery process she says. However I find this really hard as I do not have any friends (my hubby is a narsissist according to my psychologist). I have become very isolated other than for my part-time work which I was lucky enough to find in January. I do some volunteer work in the aged care industry, which I enjoy. But I just do not have any friends I am able to talk to. My family live a long way away, and I could never tell them anyway.

Although I am still unable to verbally speak about the rape, I can now write about it, and even think about it to some extent, without bringing on a panic attack. So that's progress. I hope that by discussing it further and by learning how other people cope with their PTSD symptoms, I can further desensitise myself from my traumatic memories.

Hence my decision to try an online forum. I look forward to responses from other people who have had similar experiences to myself. I am definitely more of a listener than a talker, so I hope that I may be able to be of assistance to others here as well.

Thankyou for taking the time to read my story.

2344 replies

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In response to: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

hugs @Former-Member i hope youve been able to get some sleep and youve been able to settle abit

In response to: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Hi @Former-Member Not your fault my sleep wasn’t good last night. I’ve always had trouble with sleep.

I have noticed that GP’s can be reluctant to give sleep meds. I’ve tried quite a few sleep meds and there’s only one that suits me. If I have a break from it, it usually works fine (not always).

Taking them without a break isn’t a good idea though.

If you feel you really need something to sleep, keep asking your GP.

Might catch you later.

Hoping your day is a better one than yesterday.

Good you can have a nap. Yes, sleep whenever you need to.

Cant keep on going without it, that’s for sure.

💜💖🌸🌷🌺☕️

In response to: Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

@Former-Member @Appleblossom @Zoe7 @BlueBay @outlander @Sophia1 @Peri @Starta @Sam3 @Maggie @Bunniekins and others

Feeling really 'ragged' today. The mirror doesn't lie - I look ragged too. Clearly suffering from long term exhaustion and stress. The eyes show it, the skin shows it, the overall look shows it.

I feel constantly agitated and on edge, but also sad and angry. I'm unable to relax or unwind. My usual coping strategies don't seem to be helping this time. I feel that I'm just waiting for the next trigger to hit me or the next lot of bad news to be delivered. It just feels inevitable that it will happen ... it always does. And then what?

I don't know how much longer I can continue to do this. I feel so isolated at times, as though I have to do all of it on my own. I've never been one to ask for help, always been very independent. Never wanting to be beholden to anyone for anything, never wanting to feel a burden to anyone. Even if people have reached out to me to offer help in the past, I reject it. I guess this is a character flaw of mine. An inability to accept help, an inability to accept that I cannot always do everything myself.

I read something very interesting the other day about the Chinese zodiac. 2019 is the Year of the Pig. I was born in the year of the pig. This particular pig year is the Earth Pig, again of which I am. I have a mild interest in zodiac and stars, but really only a passing interest. But I read what it said about Pigs, and it is pretty accurate for me. Here's what it said:

Pigs are diligent, compassionate, and generous. Once they set a goal, they will devote all their energy to achieving it. Though Pigs rarely seek help from others, they will not refuse to give others a hand. Pigs never suspect trickery, so they are easily fooled.

General speaking, Pigs are relatively calm when facing trouble. No matter how difficult the problems are, they can handle things properly and carefully. They have a great sense of responsibility to finish what they are engaged in.

So even the Chinese Zodiac is against me when it comes to seeking help from others around me. I self isolate, it's essentially my own doing. But I don't seem to have the ability to change it. So I sit here feeling miserable, alone and helpless. I no longer have the energy to even want to change anything.

How do we change what is our basic character traits, and should we even try? Perhaps more importantly, how do we overcome the challenges of negotiating the changes which trauma causes us to make to both our character and our lives?

Sherry 💕

In response to: Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

@Former-Member Hi Sherry *hugs*. I believe in zodiac signs that includes the Chinese zodiac. My daughter is a Pig and so is my ex they are both thoughtful, caring, intelligent people. They don't however ask for help. I am a Dragon and this year for both Pigs and Dragons it is meant to be a brilliant year. Yay for February 2019 :D!

Have faith Sherry. Nothing stays the same forever Bad times will pass they always do. In the meantime your friends here will always be here to listen and share the burden with you. Love greenpeaxxxx

In response to: Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

They are hard questions @Former-Member I think we do have the ability to change the longer term traits that we have but it takes a lot of hard work, practice and time - ech of which we don't feel we have when suffering from trauma as well as the trauma also seems to have a hold over us. It is possible but less achievable when you are dealing with everything else you are dealing with. Sometimes working on ourselves takes second place to helping others and you certainly fall into that boat. I know it is something your psychologist has discussed with you before - that you need to have time for yourself and your own self-care.

Often when we are so independent seeking help feels like we are failing in life but it is exactly the opposite - it takes gret couorage to say I can't do this on my own and accept help. You do that with the forum - you reach out here and you accept the support - the trick now is to do that in the rest of your life it is not a failure, it is strength - and you have that in abundance Sherry.

The effects of trauma shape who we are and that does not have to be negative - I feel it makes us more empathetic and compassionate. Yes there are the negative impacts to our self-esteem and self-worth and that is something we find very hard to find any positives in. Constant triggers and reliving that trauma needs a lot of work to get around but I feel we also have an inner strength as we have gotten through some of the worst times in our lives and yet still make a life for ourselves - so much of who we are is based on what we have gone through and whilst we would change all those traumatic events in a heartbeat I think there are parts of our character that are shape by those experiences that we would not change - they are the parts that do give us strength and the courage to fight.

In response to: Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

@Former-Member " Perhaps more importantly, how do we overcome the challenges of negotiating the changes which trauma causes us to make to both our character and our lives?"

I am currently seeing a psychologist who deals with victims of crime due to a range of issues but mainly my son2. Our sessions are at their infancy but already I can see changes in myself. I am getting better at handling the stress from the past better. I have along way to go but I am getting there. It is a work in progress.

Have faith Sherry. There is always light at the end of the tunnel. xxxx

In response to: Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Sitting here with you @Former-Member 💜💖

I hear your struggle.

It is hard to change, but it is possible.

I got to breaking point, it sounds like where you are.

It was then I decided make changes.

I still have a very long way to go, but I have definitely changed and become stronger. I wouldn’t be here otherwise.

Its hard for you to make big changes, because you have your husband to care for.

But one change you could possibly make is to reach out for help.

There are so many carer organisations that could come and help care for your husband. Oz Care is one, Blue Care and others.

I think they charge according to your income.

I am guessing that your husband probably wouldn’t be happy with that, but you need to put yourself first sometimes. And it’s not really putting yourself first, it’s taking care of yourself. You are important. Just as important as anyone else.

I have been a carer for someone close. It got to the stage where I became completely broken.

I handed complete care over to someone else.

I cried and felt guilty for ages, but now I can see that it was the best decision.

Im not saying you need to hand all care if your husband, but please consider calling one of the organisations to come and talk to you about what sort of help you need with your husband and how often.

They can come every day if you need them.

To help with cleaning, showering, any sort of care for your husband.

And im sure they will make it affordable for you.

I understand how hard it is to do this. But it sounds like you need to look after yourself before you break, like I did.

I’ll be back. Sorry have to rush off. 💖💖☕️

In response to: Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Hi @Former-Member im so sore to hear you’re having such an exhausting time at the moment - as @Bunniekins stated things change & this will pass. I hear what you’re saying in terms of feeling constantly agitated & waiting for the next bad news. Sounds like if your usual coping strategies aren’t working you may heed to do something different (even if it’s just small) & posting in this forum definitely counts as seeking help so there’s one change in itself. I haven’t walked in your shoes but it definitely sounds like you need at minimum some relief - do you have a close relative or a doctor/psychologist/counsellor that you might be able to contact this morning? Maybe your biochemistry needs some extra help today? Is there an occupation that brings you relief or distraction that you could try? A movie or uplifting comedies on YouTube? I think it’s safe to say whilst everyone’s journey is different, many of us can relate to feeling hopeless & exhausted & all of us have experienced a shift, however small. Sending hugs & hope, @Former-Member & please stay in touch during the day.

In response to: Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

@Former-Member

Hearing you, and independence has great advantages. I am pretty independent, but having children learned the truth of interdependence.

Being in a relationship with someone with terminal illness, there is no shame in reaching out. It is an extreme situation. You are doing double duty. Looking after yourself and looking after him.

Go easy on your self talk, and find more ways to nurture yourself. When I get to feeling like that, which I have a lot, I am now taking prn. It has taken me a long time to get the help (not through want of trying) and then another long time to figure out my inner signals and managing it.

In response to: Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Hearing you @Former-Member and I feel for you so much. You have a lot on your plate. Sending lots of hugs ❤️❤️

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