Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

@Former-Member

it so so frustrating when we can recognise when we got somewhere we didn’t want to be. It can be deflating like a slow pin needle letting our air and courage out.

but take a moment see if you can find the leak if you can great repair the hole. If not time for gentle wrap all over until you can find the hole.

🤪🤪Hahahaha that is my ten cents worth.

Big hugs @Former-Member ..... your big heart means the world to me, and just showing that you care means so much when my Soon2BX is reaching as deeply into my life and relationships as possible with as massive a dose of invalidation that he thinks he can get away with, armed with someone deliberately chosen to supplant me with indecent haste, and the cultural tools to overwrite my own ongoing contributions to my family. The same way he did before he left, he is trying to bully me by overwriting me ..... "writing me out of the script" at an obnoxious pace.

My only way of managing this situation is to maintain my self-belief, self-esteem, and remain as immovable in what is my life as possible, and let his campaign wash over me. It will do damage, but hooefully it will also carry away relationships that are not worth holding onto into my future.

Your belief in me, being here with me, sitting with me, offering consolation and encouragement, is more powerful that you may possibly ever know. Owing to the coercive manipulations involved in our situation, I also can't speak up to my baby dragons about what they also are being manipulated about ...... only the longer term outcomes, including the legals, will show all of that up for what it is ...... and you are here for me, with your compassion and empathy, in such a powerful way, despite, it especially in light of, your own suffering.

Seeet Sherry, you are worth so much more than you are feeling right now, but they are your feelings and I respect them, with the hope that some of the love you share out will gradually heal your self-worth, and you can grow in the love we all have for you ......

Hugs and hugs and hugs and hugs Hon ...... you matter, and you absolutely make a difference ❣️

And thank you so much for helping to keep me anchored through my storm.

@Former-Member

Sending you lots of hugs and s @Former-Member Please take care of yourself. I'm sorry to hear things are so difficult at the moment. Haven't a lot of words coz I've had a hard week too.

Hi @Former-Member

I read through your posts here and I think what you said about being a "date-orientated" person possibly explains a lot about the way you have such really bad patches. If that's the way your innate being is then that's how you are - so it is not a fault or a part of your life that is wrong in any way - it's natural for you

I think I am a bit the same way - this time of year is tough and I am tired of having a quarter of the year stunted and bleak because of a series of events that happened to nearly a whole year well over 30 years ago now. I had no control over the events but they happened. My choice was to stand by my son through that terrible time and other people - including my son- made the choices they did.

It was so overwhelming - so I do share that with you - this is the second year since I sorted out that it wasn't just my son dying but a whole series of events but still - I have The Bleakies about it now and again and I think the gloomy weather in Melbourne this year and of course - the lock-down - is making it harder - but yes - it's the dates and the really bad ones are in July and then I am okay - so I do get it

And for whatever reason there are other dates too so I really understand - and also - I believe you have had the anniversary of Em's passing too and that was really shocking - and I can say of course the anniversaries of such events do follow us -

And you say your husband is the same man you married - I get it - I know now my ex-h and ex-friend were the same people I met - but people put on a better face when courting - I think we all do - and you had a picture of your husband before you married but didn't know about MI then - What you said there is profound and thank you for saying it. I am in the process of changing my thoughts on that kind of thing right now - and you have provoked that change which is a good thing

I thought more about what you said regarding being a CG - I am not sure - I can get onto the moderators about this but actually I like what I am doing here and don't need a title to enhance it - I get a lot out of the forum - it's a good place for me to have my "platform" - and it works. Sometimes I get some imput from the moderators which is good - and I take time out when I need to - whatever it is - it works for me - and I feel as if I have a lot of friends here

You are one of those friends Sherry - and you mean a great deal to me

Dec

Well said @Owlunar .....

💖🌸🌷💕 @Former-Member

Hi @Faith-and-Hope

The way WH and his "Bit" have treated you is appalling - but one thing is sure - "marry in haste and repent at leisure" is surely true and these two can have whatever comeuppance fate deals to them and you don't have to even think about it

Your did everything you could to help, protect and endure WH for all the years I have known you and this must be really hard to have happen - and I really feel for you here - and I wish it wasn't the case - but here you are. Still he tries to bully you by writing your out of the script at an obnoxious pace and this has to be hard to take

But you have faith and hope - this we all know - and I still support you and wish you the best - I am glad you have your university studies - which is what I had when my marriage ended - and I think the world of ideas kept me on some kind of even keel while the rest of the world fell in around me

Still - I always think of you when I see pink flowers Faith and continue to do what I can to support you

Dec

Sending best thoughts

Thank you so much @Owlunar.

There will be a time for moving on, but that is not what S2BX is about at the moment .... he his actively preventing the situation from being able to move forward / on.

Still, you and others here have gone through this across a spectrum of different degrees, or choose to live as best they can within a very difficult relationship, as I was ..... and there will be blue skies ahead of me somewhere.

big hugs @Former-Member

@Former-Member .. you are right of course, its never too late to seek assistance to heal. Thank you for holding out a helping hand and for caring. 🌺

@Sans911 .. thank you so much for taking the time to respond last night. I really appreciate your input and your wonderful insight. I suspect you may well be right re: "When we are overwhelmed there's often a need to either shut that down or feel something other than what we are dealing with. For me, sh is a way to shut off the overwhelming tap of emotions". I do seem to have been bombarded with repeated and at times overwhelming stimuli these past couple of months. I think this 'crack' has been coming for some time. Did the SH snap me out of my sense of overwhelm? Yes, I guess it did. Though I dont really want to admit that, because it may become an excuse to do it again. 😔 Hmmm .. triggers? There are lots. Most I know, where as some previously unknown to me, sneak up and pounce without warning. Yes dates, numbers are definitely a thing for me. But also places, names, faces, events, news reports at all related to rapes, break-ins, domestic violence, car accidents, etc. So I have a few things to work on. Something I would do with my clinical psych ... If only I still had one. Yes it all definitely made sense Sans, and has been helpful. Thanks heaps. 💕

@Wanderer .. thank you so much for your very kind words of support. You are so right ... it definitely helps to know we have a safe place here to talk about things such as this. A safe and supportive place amongst other people who know and experience much the same as we do ourselves. I'm glad that you too find that to be the case Wanderer. And very happy to hear that sharing our respective stories is in some small way, helping others to understand. Thank you for sharing your 'toolbox' trick of using cold. Very interesting ... I might try that one some time. My understanding is that depersonalisation is an aspect of dissociation .. is that right? I know I dissociate, because my psych often picks me up on it (gently tries to bring me back to the now) but not sure about the depersonalisation. I am not familiar with your daughters story, but I am pretty sure I recall reading elsewhere that she lives with you. Please feel free to tag me to your thread or posts any time. 👍

@Peri ... hi 💓 You are right of course. Logic tells me that if managers wished to get rid of me, they would have done so before now. You are also right that I receive a lot of very valuable support here, and I am greatly humbled and grateful for all of it. That very much includes you Peri. I am a little embarrassed by all the lovely things you say about me actually. I definitely dont feel I deserve that. You are very important to me too Peri, and you have held a special place in my heart, ever since we first 'met'. I hope you are continuing to do reasonably well. I hope you will update your own thread soon too. Please take good care of yourself, until next time we talk.

@Former-Member ... Yep ... you're right! Definitely a setback, and one I did not need, nor want. I think Sans911 is pretty spot on in what she said here. I have been thinking about it last night and again today. All in a clearer head than I've had for a little while. Yes I do need to regroup or realign. Certainly I need to do something, because this sure as heck aint workin'. :face_with_rolling_eyes: Meanwhile I am hanging in there for sure ... really hope you are too. 💖

@mudsum ... thank you for stopping by and offering your words of wisdom. Worth much more than 10 cents ... 🤣 ha ha. 💓

@Faith-and-Hope ... I dont really know what to say to all that. You know it hurts me greatly how you are being treated by Soon2Bx. It so isnt right. But as always your true grace and class rises above all his sh**. You are an amazing woman and I long for the day that you finally have your (relative) freedom from him and all the hurt that he brings you. Remain anchored dear Faith ... soon you can be happy again and leading a rich and fullfilling life of your own making. You said some really lovely things about me there too. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. My sense of self-worth and self-confidence has been severely dented recently, so what you said is like a healing salve to the wounds. I guess you always know just what to say. Thank you for that 💓

@TAB .. thank you 😻

@eth ... the hugs are enough .. thank you. 💞 Yes, I am aware you have had a difficult week or more. If you need to talk anytime ... I am never far away. Feel free to tag any time.

@Owlunar ... Yes true ... I am very much a date and number person. And a lot of my OCD tendencies revolve around numbers and patterns etc. It can be a total pain in the rectum. 😮 I am sorry you are able to relate to a lot of this stuff too, re dates etc. Having a whole quarter of the year is tough going. I have another anniversary coming up in June too ... the date my first boyfriend Billy died instantly in a car accident. I was 20 at the time, he was only 23. I loved him. He wasnt even driving, but he was killed anyway ... just out of town and not long after he had dropped me home after a date to the movies. His mum phoned early the following morning and spoke to my Mum, who then came in and woke me up to tell me. That was so hard. I often wonder what my life would have been like if he hadnt died. Of course I will never know. Revolving doors of life. I am really sorry Dec, that you have suffered so much heartache and pain in your life. I fully understand your feelings on the CG issue. Though I still reckon you would be a good one. Its something that interests me too, but I strongly suspect that they wouldnt have me. I'm probably seen as too much of a troublemaker 😉. Besides I'm not currently in a good enough mental state to even consider doing anything like that just now. Maybe in years to come, if I'm still around? My apologies ... I'm rambling. Get to the point Sherry! Thank you Dec for being a friend. 🌸

@Shaz51 ... my dear Shaz 🌺🌼 ... thank you for always acknowledging me, for always validating me. Thank you for always being around. I value you so much ... you know? I do apologise for not being around a little more for you lately. I will try to do much better in future. Please remember that I am here for you, just as you have always been for me. Please remember to take good care of yourself, in amongst all the other caring that you do for so many others. 🤗

Thanks also to those who supported my post yesterday @Zoe7 @Maggie @Adge @outlander @Snowie @Bunniekins @Appleblossom ... 💕💕

Sherry 💜