Gee is it really so long since I posted here? I have been concentrating on my carers thread lately I guess, as I have needed to be. Thankfully ... hubby has finally been provided with the necessary treatment for the autoimmune encephalitis which he has now been officially diagnosed with. He was finally admitted to hospital last week and spent 6 days in hospital. Along with the autoimmune encephalitis he also has some other autoimmune disorders to do with both his adrenal gland (which produces cortesol) and his thyroid. So no wonder he has been such a sick fellow.
All these autoimmune disorders are as a result of the immunotherapy he was having to treat his cancer. Definitely a trade off situation, though not entirely unexpected. It is quite common for immunotherapy patients to have the organs in their endocrine system knocked out through inflamation as the therapy causes inflamation as the immune system becomes hyper active. Unfortunately it doesnt just target the cancer cells, it often attacks healthy cells too .. in hubbys case his brain cells. Anyway ... he is now doing well ... probably the best he's been for two or three months. Amazing how quickly he can recover, once they start proper treatment. Yay! Unfortunately the steriods have an affect on his temper, but I will deal with that, as I always have done.
Anyway his recovery allows me the chance to start concentrating again on my own needs. I saw my psych on Wednesday. Thats a good start. And I will see her again in 3 weeks.
Today has been an upsetting day though, on top of already being highly emotional and on edge. I was triggered at my psych session on Wednesday, yesterday was stressful with a GP appointment for hubby and a few other things which went wrong. Its been a difficult couple of weeks in general I guess and very stressful. My Mum continues to be a major worry as she remains very unwell with a number of infections. And still refusing any home help.
I know since I got back from the City and hubbys hospital stay, I have not felt like doing anything. Its a real battle to push myself to do anything at all. I am still not sleeping well, and am constantly tired. I've been having some pretty dark thoughts as well, which I keep trying to keep at bay. I discussed this with my psych to some extent. I suppose because I am in a high state of stress already, it doesnt take much to push you to the edge.
This morning hubby and I were watching the news on television. Up came a news article about 'right to lifers', and the banning of abortions in a few states within the US. There used to be exemptions for women who were victims of rape or incest. But now, women are being forced to go through with pregnancies, even under those circumstances. I was okay with the topic of discussion up to that point. That is ... until hubby blurted out - "You were raped, what do you think about that"? This hit me hard, and I could barely breath, like my breath had been sucked from my lungs. Although hubby knows I was raped before he came into my life, he does not know the extent of just how bad it really was. I gave him a very much watered down version of events. And he never talks about this stuff normally ... until now.
I managed to get out a breathless answer of "I dont know", before staggering out and falling into a heap in another room. Tears streaming down my face and trying to get air into my lungs. Since then, I have not been able to get the issue out of my head. What would I have done if I'd been made pregnant as a result of that rape? It is certainly something I had been so afraid of at the time. I remember my fear and dread about the possibility ... I had no protection, was not on the pill.
I dont think I could have gone through with a pregnancy to someone who I detested and feared, someone who could do that to another human being. How could I? It would not be fair to have a child that, every time you looked at them, you were forced to re-live what would have been the scene of their conception. I believe I would have terminated the pregancy in any way I could have. Thank goodness I did not have to make that decision. Because it really goes against my core belief. I really hope that the laws in the USA do not start coming into being here as well. We all need to have right to choose whats best for us, as difficult as that decision is.
To add to an already upsetting day, I experienced a really nasty accident when I was in town this afternoon. I needed to get scripts for hubby and get a few groceries at the supermarket. As I approached a checkout, there was an elderly gentleman in a motor scooter ahead of me. I dont know what happened, but he suddenly shot through the checkout area and out the other side, hit a large square concrete pylon, his motor scooter seemed to climb the pylon with the man still in it. Then they both crashed back down, head first, with the mans head slamming to the ground. In the process, an elderly woman was also hit.
It was awful, it was like everything happened in slow motion, and yet it was all so quick. I didnt know those motorised scooter things would pick up speed so quickly. It went from a standing start to flat out, over the space of about 10 meters. And yet there was time to think "oh no, he's going to hit that pylon". As a result it left an elderly gentleman clearly knocked out with a heavy scooter on top of him. And up against the conrete pylong a lady walking past had been hit and was screaming in pain or shock. What a mess! People were standing around in shock, or trying to help, nobody really knowing what to do.
Thankfully the supermarket staff were very quick to respond. The checkout person immediately called code blue over the intercom, and called 000. Several staff came to the aid of the 'fallen', comforted them, kept them calm and prevented both of them from moving. Police came fairly quickly, but the ambo's took about 15 mins to arrive on the scene. It was all quite upsetting, and gee I hope they will both be okay. It was a really nasty accident, and certainly not what you could possibly expect.
@Zoe7 @Faith-and-Hope @Shaz51 @BlueBay @Maggie @Starta @Former-Member @Appleblossom @Owlunar @Sophia1 @Peri @outlander @Ali11
Many thanks to all of you for all your supportive messages over the past month, both here and my carers thread. I need to get my head back into some form of sanity again I think. Need to work on that. My Holly has been particularly attentive to me since my return from the City, always a bonus. And of course the cooler weather, she is even more cuddly. Love it.
Sherry 💕🌺🌸
