StargirlSenior Contributor
New to this forum
My 19 year old daughter with OCD, anxiety, potential ADHD (diagnosed online Feb 2021), eating issues and is unable to sleep much, has resorted to trying various drugs (not sure how often) to numb her feelings. She wants to talk non stop about her drug taking and the effects it has on her. She is fascinated and obsessed with the effects of drugs and says she is studying psychology online to learn more. She says she thinks she has borderline personality disorder as well and/or bi polar. This all sounds like OCD in full swing.
She says that I am the only one who she can talk to and recently our commutation has broken down to the point where she has cut me off (has happened previously and she will come back apologetic and devastated). She is very manipulative, argumentative and it's hard to know when she is being truthful as she lies alot. She can get very angry and then feel overwhelming guilt. She feels overwhelmed by everything and looks for constant distractions and avoids situations that she finds hard to cope with. She is barely holding down a casual hospitality job and paying rent. She is depressed and has recently been so frustrated that she hurt herself. She often says she doesn't want to be here but would never end her life. She is very creative and I give her lots of art materials to encourage her to express herself, which she does when she feels like it. She lives on her own (moved out just after being diagnosed) but says she now might like to live with someone as she is very lonely. I recently gave her an anxiety journal which she started to use and write her issues in. She shared it with me and I was astounded at her self awareness (it's hard to see that side of her when she presents such a complex personality). She is very resilient and resourceful on the one hand yet so needy and not very good at looking after her personal hygiene. She stopped taking her medication (again) and broke down yesterday saying she hates her mental illness and what it does to her and everyone around her and hates having to rely on medication and that all she wants is to feel happy. She knows that the medication does help (I can attest to that). But as soon as she feels good she goes off it again. She often texts me to say she is so stressed or having panic attacks, yet on the other hand tells me she is happy but cries herself to sleep every night. She says I don't understand her and that my opinions on some things are not valid as I haven't experienced what she has. It's so frustrating and so terribly sad. I am learning to not get emotionally involved and to set boundaries but it sooo hard.
My daughter refuses any help and that is the hardest thing to deal with. I have said that her conditions are treatable and people live very successful lives with the right help but she refuses any help.. I am overwhelmed and don't know where to turn. I miss the beautiful girl we once knew, only seeing rare glimpses of her under all her struggles. My husband is very frustrated and also sad at all of this. I have had counseling for myself and was told to let her fall into crisis. Maybe she just needs time. At 19 her brain is still developing. I have tried to use Natasha' Daniel's fantastic online resources to help improve communication and to educate myself and family on OCD and anxiety. It was fantastic support and worked for a while but I'm just not able to keep it up. It's all so overwhelming to have to be so proactive and constantly mindful! I love my daughter so much and I want to keep communication open and so I will try to keep working on that but it's so hard to know how to talk to her without upsetting her. I don't know where to turn.
