Letters to Myself

Positive self talk is VITAL @Judi9877 @Codex1

I was struggling with it for some time in fact. This morning I was awake at 4am and struggled to get back to sleep. All because of self talk not being good as it could.

I listened to a podcast with David Gandy (world's highest paid male model) on my way to work this morning. He spoke about how fame can change people. It didn't for him and he seems like a very genuine person which is a lot to day for that industry.

https://youtu.be/5rOHOGA4oME

Big move @MDT

I so hope it all works out for you 🙂

I'm sure you can @MDT

👍

Dear Hams

By now you would know full well that your status as never having been in a relationship puts you on the outter. The minority. But I do not for a minute believe this makes you inadequate. A lot has happened to you, both of your own making and the makings of circumstances and the sheer reality of life in the 21st Century. You know full well that you are not alone in this feeling. Sexuality is hard. As is the topic of sex itself. I know in your early 20s you were asking yourself some questions about your sexuality. You thought you were gay because you had no female friends. It is somewhat funny to think about things this way, but I do see your logic. In fact you were simply shy and didn't know how to talk to girls. As you went through the church atmosphere you were taught about sex and dating and what it was for in that context. That is not a context you operate in anymore. Alas, since the age of about 21 you've been confused about it and in the past 7 years you've had to do a lot of psychological work to undo some of that confusion.

Your approach to dating now is perhaps the most liberal it has ever been. You are no longer beholden to those religious morals. But this has not by any stretch of the imagination made things easier. It has probably made it harder - but it is better than the alternative.

PLease do not feel as if you have to do anything by a certain age. You've never had sex or been in an intimate relationship with a girl who likes you. But so what? I don't believe this makes you less of a man or indeed a human worthy of acceptance. You've explained your situation rather well to the girl you went out with on the weekend. You were honest and upfront as part of your new approach. This is good in its own right. What this experience you had on the weekend tells me is just how confusing all of us can find dating, relationships and sex in the modern world. You made a very good point about how you didn't want to restrict yourself, but you didn't want to be fake. So be honest like you have been so far. I believe you are mature enough to do this. Others may not be, then so be it. They perhaps do not have the self reflective tendencies you have.

But for now my friend Hams, I would say focus instead on what you want to do in this realm. There is no straightfoward answer and the worst thing you can do is lie to yourself and other people. Be bold and embrace your lack of experience. Don't even feel the need to justify it.

In time you'll come to realise, if you have not already realised it yet, that the worst thing you can do is live according to another's principles or expectations.

Go back onto the apps when you need to. But perhaps for now explore what it is you want out of life itself, not just this realm.

There is no rush my friend

Hey @MDT - thank you for giving us the chance to witness these letter’s to yourself. You really blow me away with your ability to be vulnerable and share such supportive & wise words to yourself.

I am a natural reflective type of person myself and have many a journal entry at home about various aspects of my experiences & views on life. I don’t think though I have done it as ‘wisdom’ to self style that I see in this process for you. It may just be something worth exploring for myself.

I hear through your words how much growth has occurred through time.

It is inspiring to me ✨ - to have that commitment to yourself!