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Topic Tuesday // Should I stay or should I go? // 18 Oct. 7pm AEDT

NikNikSenior Contributor28 Sept 2016, 11:52 am AEST

Topic Tuesday // Should I stay or should I go? // 18 Oct. 7pm AEDT

For this Carers Week special edition Topic Tuesday we will joined by Mind Australia. So we thought, why not ask the tough question that people are too apprehensive to ask:

Should I stay or should I go?

Mental illness can place a lot of strain on a relationship. When we focus so much on caring for our loved one, it can seem that our own needs take a back seat. It can get to a point when we begin to question if we should remain within a relationship.

Fortunately, there are some things that you can do to help your relationship deal with the strain of mental illness. Join us this Tuesday, October 18 from 7 - 9pm to discuss what you can do if you find yourself confronted questioning of whether you should stay or go. We'll be joined by @Mindcarers from Mind Australia

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DBF7wCrgfHc

Two things you can do now

1) Register as a Forum member to participate on the night

2) Hit the 'Like' button below to receive an email reminder on the night

92 replies

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In response to: Topic Tuesday // Should I stay or should I go? // 18 Oct. 7pm AEDT

tancateContributor18 Oct 2016, 7:48 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday // Should I stay or should I go? // 18 Oct. 7pm AEDT

Thank you. The carers groups are good for when times are tough but I find going to them too much puts too much focus on a life of caring for a partner with mental illness so I just try to deal with it my own way by working, meeting with friends and family, hobbies, going out, exercise, counselling and meditation for myself. I try to take one day at a time and cherish the good days. Make sure to care for myself before him and I don't enable him and encourage him to do many things for himself. I would not rule out leaving in the future but I'm not in a position to right now. I love him but I have to love me first.

In response to: Topic Tuesday // Should I stay or should I go? // 18 Oct. 7pm AEDT

Jane230Casual Contributor18 Oct 2016, 7:50 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday // Should I stay or should I go? // 18 Oct. 7pm AEDT

I would not be able to cope if things stayed the same for the next 4 years. However, my partner and I have discussed his condition and he is getting help and things are slowly improving. I think the word draining describes how I feel perfectly, as being with my partner feels like another extension of my job, where all you do is work. Even though I like my job, and my relationship with my partner, the work involved is quite draining. It is hard to have fun happy times, as well as be excited about the future, and furthermore be proactive about making plans and enjoying life when all my partner can do is just survive the day.

In response to: Topic Tuesday // Should I stay or should I go? // 18 Oct. 7pm AEDT

Shaz51Senior Contributor18 Oct 2016, 7:51 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday // Should I stay or should I go? // 18 Oct. 7pm AEDT

Hi @Mindcarers

at the beginning I cryed alot , and even some people said to leave , but Over the years i have tried to pick the right times and throwing in suggestion for my hubby to think about

then I had to step up and do everything which has helped him

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday // Should I stay or should I go? // 18 Oct. 7pm AEDT

CherryBombSenior Contributor18 Oct 2016, 7:52 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday // Should I stay or should I go? // 18 Oct. 7pm AEDT

Seems like many partners on here tonight find that approaching their relationship with love and hope, while balancing their own needs, and having boundaries is useful. But it also sounds like a tough balancing act!

@tancate you mentioned that you don't enable, and encourage your partner to do things for himself. Can you give us some examples? Perhaps @Mindcarers or others can also offer some advice or examples too?

In response to: Topic Tuesday // Should I stay or should I go? // 18 Oct. 7pm AEDT

MindcarersSenior Contributor18 Oct 2016, 7:52 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday // Should I stay or should I go? // 18 Oct. 7pm AEDT

tancate - That is wise advice about not losing sight of the person you fell in love with. Having hope is an important part in the recovery journey, so it is about trying to take care of yourself as well and making sure your needs are also being met.

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday // Should I stay or should I go? // 18 Oct. 7pm AEDT

tancateContributor18 Oct 2016, 7:53 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday // Should I stay or should I go? // 18 Oct. 7pm AEDT

Crying is good. It helps heal:)

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday // Should I stay or should I go? // 18 Oct. 7pm AEDT

MindcarersSenior Contributor18 Oct 2016, 7:56 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday // Should I stay or should I go? // 18 Oct. 7pm AEDT

Hi Jane230 - It is often hard, caring for someone is often an exhausting role. One of the things you need to do is to start building on the things that you need in your life that will help replenish you and fulfil your own needs. It would be good to have a plan so that if you were to look at things in 4 years time you know ways in which to support yourself when things get tough.

In response to: Topic Tuesday // Should I stay or should I go? // 18 Oct. 7pm AEDT

Jane230Casual Contributor18 Oct 2016, 7:58 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday // Should I stay or should I go? // 18 Oct. 7pm AEDT

That is fantastic advice! Thank you very much!

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday // Should I stay or should I go? // 18 Oct. 7pm AEDT

MindcarersSenior Contributor18 Oct 2016, 7:58 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday // Should I stay or should I go? // 18 Oct. 7pm AEDT

Shaz51- That is good that things have been improving for your partner. But it may be time to step back and focus on your needs and perhaps ask them how they can help you and themselves.

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday // Should I stay or should I go? // 18 Oct. 7pm AEDT

MindcarersSenior Contributor18 Oct 2016, 8:04 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday // Should I stay or should I go? // 18 Oct. 7pm AEDT

CherryBomb - an example might be asking your partner to set aside time to listen to your needs and your day and to attend to you and what you're saying without interrupting and bringing up their own issues.

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