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'Covering' Do you do it?

mrkotterSenior Contributor27 Sept 2016, 11:28 pm AEST

'Covering' Do you do it?

I saw Troy Roderick speak today about diversity and Telstra's journey. It covered all the usual stuff you expect from these presentations except he mentioned something new I've never heard of.

He talked about that someone with a problem that can be stigmatised that isn't immediately obvious can be covered by that person. He used mental illness as an example. What was interesting here was that he wasn't so much talking about mental illness per se but rather the problem that people feel the need to cover it up because of stigma. The other example was being gay. You could be a white male with no obvious source of stigma but still have to 'cover up' who you are.

Troy went on to talk about how much energy this takes for that person - energy that could be better put into things like their work. Let alone the angst it causes.

So what do people think about this idea? Ring home? Anything else spring to mind?

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In response to: 'Covering' Do you do it?

mrkotterSenior Contributor29 Sept 2016, 10:10 am AEST

Re: 'Covering' Do you do it?

Thanks guys for the fantastic discussion, especially @Kurra @Appleblossom @Former-Member @Former-Member It's really good to know others have felt like me - it makes this all a lot easier.

@Former-Member do not worry, I've got this - it'll take a month or so to do and it'll be strategic, almost surgical you could say. Sleeping on it over night I think I have a pretty good way to attack this.

Thanks all.

In response to: 'Covering' Do you do it?

kdollContributor29 Sept 2016, 11:29 am AEST

Re: 'Covering' Do you do it?

I feel like I am ALWAYS covering and have been for a lot of my life. That's the sort of person I am though. I keep to myself and I don't like everyone knowing all my business. This mostly stemmed from my strict religious upbringing and my grandfather being a minister. We were always in the spotlight and expected to behave a certain way. I've always had a lot of fear of being judged. The fear of not actually being liked or loved for the person I am behind the sweet fake smile. I've always just wanted to fit in and feel normal.

Back in the day I had an anonymous blog which was so liberating and I made some pretty cool international friends just be being 'myself'. A few of those people today I still have contact with on facebook. I have found friends in the flesh which I have been blessed to like me for me so I am a lot better these days. Though I still keep a lot of things to myself.

I've also always worked in big corporate companies where it's expected that you have a smile. God forbid if you actually let people in on any sort of weakness that you have - it has just made me a target. At my last job I was very open about my depression and it was something my boss knew about. However it did nothing to help me in the end and eventually almost 5 years down the track it made me a target to bullying because I was seen as a weak employee. I was especially weak having just left a physically and emotionally abusive marriage. I still plastered on the smile for work but sought trust in my manager. My manager had been great for a few years and understanding of what I was going through. I considered her not just my boss but a friend, but in the end she became another pawn in my undoing before I eventually quit.

My current job have been understanding of me since I went to hospital but I am still very cautious show my true self and to let the boss's in on the details. I just want to fit in and not be a target.

In response to: Re: 'Covering' Do you do it?

Unknown userMember29 Sept 2016, 3:00 pm AEST

Re: 'Covering' Do you do it?

Yes I see disclosing our mental illness can disadvantage us .Any conflict in the workplace can be projected on your shoulders if you reveal you have anxiety,depression or other mental health illnesses.Dealing with people can be difficult.Im not good at covering up but I can see it all fits because of the "survival of the fittest" and due to my downfall 4 years ago due to not coping with bullying in the workplace and letting the "snowball" effect take place.If you can cover up its a good survival skill but you need self care tactics in place.I wish I did better in this area.

In response to: Re: 'Covering' Do you do it?

kdollContributor29 Sept 2016, 4:38 pm AEST

Re: 'Covering' Do you do it?

@Former-Member I know what you're saying about bullying in the workplace and the "snowball" effect. It was one of the many things I was dealing with that eventually snowballed me into the MHU. Self care tactics are very important and I can recognise that this is a very important part to recovery.

In response to: Re: 'Covering' Do you do it?

Unknown userMember29 Sept 2016, 9:08 pm AEST

Re: 'Covering' Do you do it?

Yes My life experiences made me live on the "fight or flight"response.Since my life snowballed I don't have the energy for "fight",and avoiding people "flight" ,is my escaping,not covering up.I isolated myself from everyone on a personal level,had a lot of counselling but at the end of the day ,kept me alive that's it.I let myself 4 years ago get sick from stress.The workplace environment got me down as well as personal life and I put up with it for a long time eg:had trouble being able to urinate in the toilet at work.Might sound funny but it's one way stress and anxiety affects you.I had bullying going on with a Manager who was incompetent at handling these situations.I never got my life back since.In reflection I wish I had the ability to cover up,tell these pathetic idiots to get lost as my flight response had a big devastating impact including everyday wishing I was dead. .I am full of anger,and resentment.I don't have the energy to fight and worried I ever will.I know I'm not going to survive in the workplace because this shows I am weak.I can't cover this up.In a ideal workplace we are supposed to put our differences aside to achieve the same goals.Be good if this worked in reality or if covering up was as easy as when someone ask "how you going?" and you say "good".I guess covering up in summary is a skill used to "get on with it". If you lose this skill or haven't got it ,life is so much harder.

In response to: Re: 'Covering' Do you do it?

mrkotterSenior Contributor30 Sept 2016, 4:38 pm AEST

Re: 'Covering' Do you do it?

@Former-Member I feel for ya. That's totally crap and it's wrong - wrong for you to be treated that way. Take it one day at a time. I was bullied once at work (no where near as bad), you can recover but it takes time.

In response to: Re: 'Covering' Do you do it?

Unknown userMember30 Sept 2016, 7:44 pm AEST

Re: 'Covering' Do you do it?

Thanks I have taken it one day at a time ...got me nowhere.Good advice,realise it was me, let people put me down.Some of us are very sensitive, and take everything to heart whilst other people have ego's ,are competitive or have to put others down to make themselves feel good .Mix this with your trauma or life experiences and you can be a ticking time bomb.I failed badly at covering it up.

In response to: 'Covering' Do you do it?

SaharaSenior Contributor03 Oct 2016, 8:01 am AEDT

Re: 'Covering' Do you do it?

@mrkotter wrote:
@Sahara wrote:
If you were having a bad day, problems at home or suffering from depression, if was always implied that you should not let this interfere with your happy, competent, agreeable work persona. Sure, I met heaps of people who dared to show their weaknesses at work; but these people were not generally liked well nor were they promoted.
I've found my work place to be accomodating in other respects. Need to leave early for family, no worries. Having personal problems but this I feel stuck on.

@mrkotter,

that's very interesting that you write that. Your workplace is accomodating in many ways... but when it comes to MI issues, you fear it wont be? I have not been as lucky as you, I did not work at places where leaving early for family reasons was acceptable, so my view of the work-place may be skewed...

Also, I am like @kdoll, the way I was brought up influenced me a lot when at work. I felt I had to be perfect at all times - and that meant no bad moods..... ever. At home, growing up, I was always yelled at for expressing any emotion, so I learnt to smile blandly and be almost 'vacant' all the time. Like a kind of high-functioning, smiling robot! The perfect employee!!

There were times when I let my gaurd down, but those times tended to be when I knew I was going to leave my work anyway. I've left a lot of jobs. I think I've left around 10 jobs and was fired from 3 jobs. I never feel happy at work.... I would much rather be at home.

In response to: Re: 'Covering' Do you do it?

Unknown userMember03 Oct 2016, 9:36 am AEDT

Re: 'Covering' Do you do it?

Sounds great @mrkotter. I think you're well placed to make this work. Let us know how it goes.

In response to: Re: 'Covering' Do you do it?

SaharaSenior Contributor03 Oct 2016, 10:31 am AEDT

Re: 'Covering' Do you do it?

@kdoll wrote:
I've also always worked in big corporate companies where it's expected that you have a smile. God forbid if you actually let people in on any sort of weakness that you have - it has just made me a target. At my last job I was very open about my depression and it was something my boss knew about. However it did nothing to help me in the end and eventually almost 5 years down the track it made me a target to bullying because I was seen as a weak employee.

Hi @kdoll,

I absolutely relate to everything you said in your post... even down to the part about where you kept a blog and felt that you could be your true self as long as you were anonymous. I kept an online diary for years.... but I always felt afraid of revealing too much, even anonymously. I felt like somehow I would be discovered and shamed.

I think this feeling stems from having my diary discovered and read by my Mum when I was a teenager. Luckily, I was so paranoid even back then, that I did not reveal a lot of detail in my diary.

My Mum read my diary and then said nothing, probably hoping that I would keep writing more stuff and that she could keep going back to it, trying to find out more! But the more mature I became, the less I felt comfortable in writing. Once I got a serious boyfriend, I wrote zip!

@kdoll, I am getting off the track a bit. I have the same feeling as you do - I think that showing any form of weakness will make you are target at work and in life, in general. I am trying to challenge this thought. It may not be entirely ture, but it feels so true to me.

I admire women who can speak out and tell their truth, no matter if it isn't pretty.

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