'Covering' Do you do it?

@Former-Member I was sad reading your post about centrelink and job providers etc.

Try and stay true to yourself without making "you" statements when dealing with govt depts. Keeping things as calm and centred on ourself as possible, though mention the stress you feel about your mother and possible homelessness. Recently I was panicking and sent random panicky letter to centrelink ... who uses snailmail these days .. gives you an idea how spaced out I was. They replied and were concerned anyone would get themselves in a panic about being cut off. Hold firm for your rights. If you cant do it .. Some of us on the forum can remind you and walk with you while you get things sorted out..

One of the things that has saved me is due to the fact that I worked for Social Security when I was young I have been able to be assertive with them now I am older. I am lucky about that but know that lots of people feel shame. My son felt guilt & shame (put on him by dad and sister) and so I started misbehaving but within the rules .. to cheer him up while we wait in the line. Now he realises its just mum being silly to get a laugh out of him ... I chat up people in the line and get a great chatty almost party vibe happening .. sometimes .. once a worker got distressed and started moving furniture around .. to gain some control. I am very careful to be nice and respectful so it was never going to be a security issue ..you may not feel like laughing now .. but maybe next time you are in a queue .. remember me being an outright dag .. trying to cheer up my son ... all bluster and not much power really .. but I am hoping you are alright.

To me it never mattered which side of the bench I was on ..I believed in the Social Services Act and lefty christian principals ...everyobody deserves basic human rights catered for in this society that wants to big note itself about being caring ...

So interesting @mrkotter. Sorry that it’s taken me so long to reply – I keep starting and then getting drawn away. I love that you're pushing the boundaries on this but your frustration at the lack of real connection and conversation around MI shows how far in front of the pack you are. I think your friend is spot on - for all of us there's a small group of people interested enough in us to want to peel back the surface and know what's going on. But our lives in general are populated by people who don't really care what's going on under the bonnet. They're more interested in our functionality - the value we offer them. Good employee who hits their targets, occasional acquaintance that can tell a good story, someone who can hit the ball back over the net at tennis etc etc. Ideally it's a fair exchange and we mostly get our needs met but the connection is fairly superficial.

That first group - very precious people - are the ones who would want to understand all the fascinating ways your illness has impacted on your life. I think you're setting yourself up for disappointment to want this group to widen very far. I genuinely wish more people wanted to know because you've got a brilliant attitude about it - to be able to say that you like your diagnosis and can see the benefit of the condition is rare and could be so impactful.

Perhaps my view of humanity is a little pessimistic. I really don’t want to discourage you from pushing the boundaries on this. But I’ve seen little evidence that beyond the people who care about you personally, or those who are interested in mental health generally, that there are many able or willing to have the conversation.

To end on a slightly more optimistic note – there’s lots being done in schools to increase the overall level of mental health literacy. Maybe we’ve got a generation growing up now who will be able to handle those conversations better in the future?

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@Former-Member wrote:

So interesting @mrkotter. Sorry that it’s taken me so long to reply – I keep starting and then getting drawn away. I love that you're pushing the boundaries on this but your frustration at the lack of real connection and conversation around MI shows how far in front of the pack you are. I think your friend is spot on - for all of us there's a small group of people interested enough in us to want to peel back the surface and know what's going on. But our lives in general are populated by people who don't really care what's going on under the bonnet. They're more interested in our functionality - the value we offer them. Good employee who hits their targets, occasional acquaintance that can tell a good story, someone who can hit the ball back over the net at tennis etc etc. Ideally it's a fair exchange and we mostly get our needs met but the connection is fairly superficial.

That first group - very precious people - are the ones who would want to understand all the fascinating ways your illness has impacted on your life. I think you're setting yourself up for disappointment to want this group to widen very far. I genuinely wish more people wanted to know because you've got a brilliant attitude about it - to be able to say that you like your diagnosis and can see the benefit of the condition is rare and could be so impactful.

Perhaps my view of humanity is a little pessimistic. I really don’t want to discourage you from pushing the boundaries on this. But I’ve seen little evidence that beyond the people who care about you personally, or those who are interested in mental health generally, that there are many able or willing to have the conversation.

To end on a slightly more optimistic note – there’s lots being done in schools to increase the overall level of mental health literacy. Maybe we’ve got a generation growing up now who will be able to handle those conversations better in the future?

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Hey @Former-Member I get the differences between the groups - and your point. From a wider group I just want them to accept that I can do everything without hiding who I am. E.g. with the CEO it took a good while to make sure it was all ok. I do not wish to hide nor say my illness is all bad. If I say something I'm not necessarly asking for help. See the difference?

I kind this developing elsewhere. I've noticed a little bit women are becoming more open with their period. The message to me seems to be it's happening, I feel a bit shit and I'm just telling you. I guess we are finally normalising a normal bodily function. Which is good! Shame it took so long.

Let's push and see where we get - I'm optimistic (if frustrated).

hello mrKotter welcome back welcome back welcome back, sorry just had to do it, ha, I think you've hit on something here, trying to manage your mental illness in public is extremely exhausting, your trying to think of ways to speak so you sound normal, do i speak to much and waffle on should I just shut up, and thats just the at the chemist, trying to hide moods and not snap at workmates, missing conversation because your distracted by thoughts, yeah it is exhausting.

Well of course, if not covered I would not have been able to get a job. Covering up helped against workplace bullying. I was pretty good at it but heck yeah it takes a lot of energy. I first heard it called "smiling depression" , you know that happy mask you put on for the world....but it is exhausting.

The gradual exhaustion of covering up usually led to me having to find another job as I would be discovered. Workplaces arent interested in human beings, merely as human resources, you are paid to do a job, period. The concept of orientating a person and bringing a person up to speed to do a job is one that human resources wish to minimise, never forget that. The company and/or your superiors are not your FRIENDS, they need to do THEIR job in order to retain THEIR position and/or bonus. Never forget that!