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A messy life history

A messy life history

I'd like to go into a super long diatribe about my life in general. Just to let everyone know, there will be mentions of suicide and trauma, so please don't read if you're triggered by it or if what you read evokes strong thoughts or emotions.

I was born to dysfunctional parents. Drugs and psychiatric problems is all I'll say about my parents and as a result, I suffered at their hands during my childhood and due to my mother's abusive behaviour when I became an adult. So I had to leave my family situation quite a few years ago. I'm glad I left. I'm glad I disowned most of my family members.

There's only a few people I'll speak to in my family now. I won't visit family members though as I get too many flashbacks and I have a lot of bad memories of infighting within the family. I now have to suffer lifelong psychiatric problems of which I wish on nobody, and I'm blaming both parents for this as my trauma started when I was a child and went on into adulthood. I can't blame people for my own choices of course, but I will blame my parents for the choices they made to hurt me. I still hold a lot of resentment and bitterness towards both parents and now to some of my immediate family because without too many details, said family members want me to put up and tolerate toxicity from other family members while I take it under the chin like a sweet little angel of a woman. Now I'm the biggest btch for sticking up for myself. And I don't really care. Even with my stupid mental health (please don't take offense at this, I'm angry at my own problems), I'm better off without involving family members in my life. Like I said in the beginning, I will only trust a few family members now.

I now have to deal with doctors and psychiatrists who don't take my well-being seriously. Even suicide attempts are taken as a joke because my life means nothing to most people. So why am I being rescued from suicide attempts if people don't like me? Is it because people have to follow the law and keep me alive despite secretly wishing I would die, but they don't want to go to prison for murder? (Strong thoughts, but no active suicide plan, am safe.) I just wonder, if most people are happy to see me stop living but there's only a few decent people who care about me? Some family members went through the same disgraceful shit many years ago and one person committed suicide, the other was rescued from an attempt several times.

I feel so disillusioned by society, the shit that airy-fairy people (not you people on here, of course!) say about how society is supportive and blah blah blah, yet it means no crap to me when people behave differently to what they say. And the stupid media isn't helping to solve the problem either. If you say "I really like you", but show me with your behaviour that you are disrespectful towards me, then I'm going to assume you don't like me whether you say so or not. (Again, not you guys, just people in general, as an example). Anyway, I'm so sick of medical people telling me how much value I am to society while they behave like I shouldn't exist and talk down to me like a dog, yet they turn around and act within the law because if any doctor openly told me the honest truth, they would lose their jobs. Ambulance and police are the bloody same. When I tell emergency people that they just don't want to lose their jobs, they use angry tones at me. Yet I never get a truthful answer because most of these people know they don't actually care about my life and just don't want to go to jail. Yes, the truth hurts, doesn't it? I'm sorry, but I'm sick of bottling up my thoughts and feelings, so I not only write privately, I write on here in a way that hopefully most people are able to read it without feeling that I'm being too personal. This isn't my intention. I keep overly personal stuff to myself and only write on here what I'm comfortable to share. So I'm sorry if this comes across as overly personal for some people, I don't mean it that way.

Ok, back to my lifelong mental health problems: I suffered from physical and emotional abuse as a kid and I also got neglected a lot. I had to learn how to fend for myself. I learned not to trust medical professionals. In recent years I learned to distrust the police (too many personal reasons so I won't discuss), but I learnt to distrust them so now I don't consider the police force an emergency contact. I just don't believe in their existence and I don't believe in their cause. I'm a law unto myself. So long as I know I'm basically good, that's all that matters. I don't need a legal system or a police force to rule over me. I can defend myself. I don't need someone else (besides my support network), to rescue me and so-called help me. I've put up with people who think they know what's best for me (not a persanal attack on you guys, again just generally speaking), for long enough, and it's time I start taking matters into my own hands and telling medical people if they don't start doing their jobs properly, I'll do their jobs for them and it won't end well. I don't like fighting with people, but when I don't get listened to for long enough, this is what I resort to, until someone decent enough and kind enough who actually cares, will finally bloody listen! It has taken long enough for me so far, to find a good support network. Now how much bloody longer will it take to find a good medical program for my mental health treatments? And this is all because I was born into a horrible family situation that I can't even fricking fix. My mother was the cause of all my childhood issues too. Once again, too much personal stuff to do with my mother, and Dad was abusive on top of that. No offense, but I feel like an unwanted child who only got basic care so that my parents wouldn't go to prison. I honestly wish they had gone there and that way I wouldn't have had to put up with them for so long. Now I have to live in a society which only cares about me by law, not by compassion. For example, most people who say they care, don't want to openly tell me how much I don't belong on this earth because everybody knows you just don't say this to anyone. You (as in people generally) just have to be hoity-toity and scare me straight and force me to hold values I don't even believe in, just in case some sky fairy judges me soon. Yep, what a laugh! I hate it when people deliberately deceive me and then act all butt-hurt when I tell them (health pros, ambulance, police, etc) what they don't want to hear. Well then, bloody be honest and I won't have to be so blunt. If someone doesn't like me, then I'd rather hear it then some wishy-washy anti-suicide, legal airy-fairy bullshit nutjob statement. (Again, not intended to offend anyone on here personally). I'm going to let my GP know this and if I'm hospitalised over it I need to be kept in for more than 72 hours because I need a real medical program, not just some bullcrap "Go home and fix your problems". If I could fix my problems, I may not be asking for answers. So I guess I'm hearing: "I don't think you belong in the community or should be a part of society, but I don't want to lose my job (paramedic, GP, psychiatrist, hospital security etc,) so I'll lie to you instead and pretend I mean everything I say because secretly I hate you". This is what I'm hearing from most pros at the moment. I hope a social worker can convince me differently tomorrow, I hope my current GP can prove me wrong as well. Otherwise the sht is going down big time.

I also have difficulty accepting so many other problems which I won't delve in to here. I haven't had one single psychiatric professional convince me successfully to accept these problems as past issues and move on. I'm too hurt to do that. And nobody can console me. The only consolation is medication, and so far nobody wants to adjust anything because I supposedly need to function in the community. So what? It's ok to let me be less functional because of severe depression and other issues rather than risk medicating me to make me feel better even if I do get less functional as a result? The medical system is a fricking joke! And to be honest, my mother and father didn't get much support either. No wonder they grew up to have dysfunctional lives and then had a disfunctional family! Now I totally understand why so many people go off the deep end. I have respect for some individuals now, but the rest of society can go to hell in a handbasket as far as I'm concerned.

20 replies

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In response to: A messy life history

Re: A messy life history

Hey @Former-Member, first of all thank you for being so brave and sharing your story. You have been through the ringer, and you truly deserve so much care and support. I am very glad you've found this community, I have seen the way you reach out to and support others and it makes it very clear to me that you are a kind-hearted person who just wants to put goodness out into the world.

I think, in regards to your experiences with mental health professionals, that you have a lot of systemic trauma - and that is definitely something you're not alone in here. It is no question that out mental health system is not enough, not working, and in need of serious overhaul. I would however like to comment on the notion that people are only following the law when it comes to saving your life, if that's okay.

The laws that exist bind us all to certain patterns, or scripts if you like. The purpose is of course to keep people safe long enough that they have a chance to find ways of getting well. Recovery is impossible if you're dead. Duty of Care, risk assessment, etc. are things mental health professionals are taught in order to adhere to these legal requirements. So whilst I imagine it often feels like some MH professionals seem to just be regurgitating the same old script, I promise you that there are also a humongous number of us who do genuinely care. Like any other field, there are going to be people who are not particularly suited to the work, but there are also a great many people who work in mental health because we know what it is like to go through horrible experiences and not know how to cope. Who want to intervene, to stop people from suiciding not because that's what we have to do according to some law, but because it is worth doing.

I myself spent a great many years with suicide ideation so frequently on my mind that I didn't know what life would be like without it, like it was an old friend. I know what it's like. I didn't get into mental health for fame or glory, it's about me deciding to be the person that I needed when I was younger. So I know there are many others like me who, when we say to someone that they are of value to society and worthy and deserving of life, are saying things we truly believe. I hope that maybe the next time someone says something like this to you, you can choose to believe it, or at least believe that that person believes it (if that makes sense).

It's very okay to be completely dissillusioned with the mental health field, but I wanted to write this to you in the hopes that you can believe there is support out there for you that will feel sincere, and help you to enact real change in your life. Because you deserve that kind of genuine support

In response to: A messy life history

Re: A messy life history

Print this put and take with you @Former-Member - you have rights Hon

online link ...

In response to: Re: A messy life history

Re: A messy life history

Thanks so much for helping me clear this whole mental health/legal mix-up for me @Jynx! This has really eaten at me for literally years, and for you to take the time to exslowlstarting plain something to me in a clear manner is great! Yeah it makes sense that some people in any line of work aren't suited to the job, I should know lol! but yep, now that I'm understanding better, I can use the same process for getting good mental health care as I would if I need good medical treatment, good support workers, hairdressers, etc! Yep, makes sense thank God!
It's good that most medical professionals and police officers do care, now that you've explained the legal situation for people to save lives and the worthiness of the cause for making people better and more functional. I just don't see it when I'm in a horrible way, at the time. I think I will start believing people when they tell me they care. I fight back when I think I'm being treated dishonestly or unfairly, and then I complain when I think my actions are justified because I'm not seeing how I could be unjustified. Does that make sense with how I am saying it? I think I'm justified to behave the way I do towards some people until I realise several weeks later, unfortunately, that maybe these people are actually right in saving my life however they can. And I also discover that the rest of what these people is said is actually true, as you say. Lol! In saying that, I still think I'm justified in my intention to stick up for myself in situations where I am genuinely threatened and after many discussions and medical appointments, if the proof of burden that lies with me still stands true, then I'm going to cause whatever stink I can muster up, to fix whatever persistent issue I want to resolve, if I'm not being listened to.
My issue with this is that a lot of innocent people take the brunt of my problems because of all the legal protections they have to put in place to keep everybody safe, regardless of who has and who has not wronged me. I so glad I spoke up today though, this issue needed to be fixed in some way or another, I needed some questions answered so I can move forward with my medical and mental health treatments and continue to feel safe. I, for example, don't want to lose my temper at my new social worker and my GP and discover later that I am completely wrong and then I have to reverse an unnecessary mess when I can get a different perspective on this mental health fiasco, and not end up shooting the messenger, as it were. I'm one of these shoot-first-ask-later types, and I'm starting to figure out that this doesn't work well either! I'm getting more cautious before losing my temper at people now, funnily enough! I'm even more careful about what I say when I'm angry at whoever has wronged me and I've made sure I know it's true before I get cranky, but anyway I'm more careful because I know that police and paramedics aren't going to take sides if I give my full anger tantrum at someone. So now I just let said people know that I need to think about what I've heard, and later I complain to the people involved with rostering support workers as an example. I'm starting to just accept that when someone is wrong or has offended me, they're the ones who can dig their own grave. I don't have to join them. I'm just so sick of wasting my energy on the people who choose not to be caring because I expect everybody to be nie and helpful, but since this is never gonna happen, I may as well just cut contact with some instead of fighting with them, and focus my energy and time on people who're willing to listen and support me. Getting myself isn't helping anyone anyway, it's just attracting the helpful people to me to rescue me, while the other unsupportive idiots I've dealt with aren't even going to change their ways in the immediate future. I guess police and ambulance people aren't to know all of this when they're helping me.

I've always know that I can only control myself and what I do, but this has never stopped me from trying to get my own way with controlling how other people treat me. I'm slowly starting to cave in to change though, as I'm sick of getting exhausted and worked over something that I can't even fix. I have a hard enough time trying to control my own life and responsibilities without taking on other people's problems and behaviour and all the works, thinking I'm doing me and everybody a favour haha! Maybe I'm just too mothery. Maybe I hover over everyone too much. Maybe I'm a control-freak. I just do what I think is best at the time, I just live my life the way I know how.

In saying this, my life is slowly getting better. i guess when it comes to defending myself when I'm in any difficulty, I'll still stick up for myself but be less unkind to the emergency service people. I just hope that instead of getting injections which isn't a big problem for me, that next time I can just ask for pills and that way I can avoid another massive psychotic breakdown when/if my mental health deteriorates.

As for this crappy system, I wish people could just implement support services before we get to a breaking point. It's like, I get all the help I need and more, after the fact, not before. And it's poxy. At least with today's discussion, I can have a proper discussion with my medical staff this week without feeling confused and agitated. I still have a lot of questions to ask them, but I think I'll be able to handle the information I've given better now. And this time I hope mistakes aren't made with my mental health care.

In response to: Re: A messy life history

Re: A messy life history

@Zoe7 Thanks for sharing the link I've just saved it to my Favourites list in Bookmarks. I presume that my appointments will work out properly and I hopefully will get good mental health treatment from here on out, but hey! Now I have something to work with when I have to complain in future.

In response to: Re: A messy life history

Re: A messy life history

It is the most up-to-date version (2nd edition) of the charter @Former-Member This covers all medical and caring professions right across the board ...from doctors to dentists to psychs etc. You have the right to be included in and listened to about the care you receive...as do you have the right to have a say in what that looks like. It is not easy to speak up for ourselves but maybe having a copy of that wherever you go could be a good starter for those conversations. Goodluck tomorrow Hon - will be thinking of you

In response to: Re: A messy life history

Re: A messy life history

@Zoe7 my social worker visits me tomorrow, I see the doc on Friday. I'm sure after this huge fiasco from two weeks ago, things are gonna work out better for me. I just want everybody to be doing the right thing in the first place, but of course I'll read through this charter and deal with any problems that arrise so I can stay safe and healthy. And I want my mental well-being to be good as well.

In response to: Re: A messy life history

Re: A messy life history

@Zoe7 I'll download the document so I can save it into my phone. I can open it then, whenever I need to.

In response to: Re: A messy life history

Re: A messy life history

There we go @Zoe7. I've just saved the document! No worries now. And I can read it so it's all good! Thanks so much.

In response to: Re: A messy life history

Re: A messy life history

My pleasure Hon. I had in my head your appointment was for tomorrow - must have got them mixed up It is so hard when everyone is not on the same page and putting you first - but we all know the system is broken and you are so right ...prevention should be at the forefront of the government's mind but mental health (just like so many other areas) is a reactionary thought from the powers that be. The COVID situation is a prime example - they were warned from the outset what this would do to people's mental health but took forever trying to get supports in place ...and by that time it was too late for the horse had already bolted. Domestic Violence was another area - with people getting locked together 24/7 it was bound to increase but again no extra support. We find it so often in society - instead of having so many 'working parties' that go over the same problems again and again - how about putting that money into providing the services actually needed eg. we know there is a homeless issue - solution: build more accommodation don't convene a new committee to see where the problems are - they in the same areas as 10 years ago. We have government houses sitting unoccupied because the system is broken. They talk about creating jobs - how about employing more tradies to get these buildings up to scratch so they can be occupied. Put more workers into child protection so those kids that need help can get it earlier - then the sky rocketing costs of mental health care in the future will be significantly reduced because a large portion of those kids will not need extensive care because they had intervention when most needed.

Sorry - on my soapbox @Former-Member but it is something I am really passionate about (and devastated by at the same time). Prevention is better than cure in any area - wouldn't it be nice if our government put as much into resources to stop these things happening and not wasting away money on research after research and committe after committee to tell us what we already know!!!!! Just ask us here - we could tell them what is needed and also why

In response to: Re: A messy life history

Re: A messy life history

@Zoe7 You and me both haha! Yep, our government is so busy sitting on its royal behind while pretending to know everything but when the people speak up, nobody gives a shit!!! Yep. I think let's all keep kicking dust until some of these government workers start getting it. I suppose being the squeaky wheel at the end of the day will get the most attention. So now I'm damn well being an annoying squeaky wheel lol!
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