Never ending

I feel so down every day right now and cannot seem to bring myself out of this state. I at least managed to give my kids a good Christmas though which is good. We have all had to be covid tested due to a close contact testing positive on a rapid test and awaiting results. She feels so bad about it but I said to her it is what it is and not to feel bad and I really mean that.

Due to the general nature of what is happening right now have had to postpone my sister's 50th birthday trip due to covid and I may never get to take her as this situation just never seems to end. I feel so bad for her and I know it can't be helped but at the same time I am her sister. I know it is a non issue really but is just one more thing to pile up.
It is almost the end of another year and it looks like being another year of uncertainty and fear mongering in the new year. Just like last year. I know new year is a time of hope and promise for the year ahead but I am not feeling that. Right now I just really do not want to be here as nothing ever really changes. I still have ongoing health issues both physical and mental, still feel I can't relate to other people etc etc. Thank you for letting me vent.