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At my wits end!

NotSoCrayCraySenior Contributor25 Sept 2016, 2:44 pm AEST

At my wits end!

Hello everyone.

Nice forum. I found it via a radio ad. The reason I came here is because im looking for both advice, and anonomous people to vent to when times are tough.

I guess this is my introduction, and my first vent post in 1.

My wife of 7 years is schitzophrenic, and suffers from major PTSD due to being molested by her father until she was 13. These 2 things together have made life extremely tough on her and by extention myself.

I have tried and tried to help her, and in the beginning she seemed to be inproving, but im finding that now she seems to completely disreguard anything I say and keeps on a path of self destruction. 70% of the time, she is a lovely loving person, but she will suddenly and inexplicably go into these moods where nothing I do or say will help.

When she is in one of these moods, nothing it right. Everyone is wrong. She becomes irratrional, controling and argumentive even if you agree with her. Its got to the point where I cant do anything right. Especially on the weekends.

I work 10hrs a day, 5 days a week. She works 8 hrs a week if that. All I want to do on the weekend i relax, but no. I constantly have to be helping her do something. Even if its something she can do by herself, she needs help with it. If I tell her to wait, it sets of her crazy mood and ruins the whole weekend. If I say no, toi anything, it becomes a several hour event with her complaining that I dont love her and attempting to lay guilt trips on me to that effect.

I fell like im being held hostage. I feel like im trapped. I dont know what to do anymore other than leave her. Its impossible to talk about the issue with her, she just snaps and turns it into an argument. I can be talking softly, calmly and I get screamed at "Dont talk to me like that" as if im screaming at her.

I dont know what to do anymore. Even now after ive said I need 1/2 hr to relax she is constantly harassing me to go outside and get soemthign for her. An activity she can do herself, but because im not currently paying attention to her, she wants me to do it.

Weve been to a shrink who diagnosed her with PTSD and gave her exercises to do, books to read, meditation activities ect, but after a month, she just doesnt bother doing it and reports back to the shrink that she is. The shrink insists shes doing well, but her behaviour at home has not changed and she can not see that.

How does one handle people like this?

If I cant work it out in the next couple of months, im afraid I will have to leave her before I have a breakdown myself. Its the last thing I want to do as it would leave her on her own and she wouldnt be able to cope.

Thanks for listening/reading.

NSCC

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In response to: At my wits end!

NotSoCrayCraySenior Contributor28 Sept 2016, 11:21 pm AEST

Re: At my wits end!

OK cool thanks, that makes me feel a bit better. 🙂

She does indeed have a female therapist who she likes and is comfortable with. Ive met her and had a chat to her and given her some insite to her behaviour. I have mentioned how she becomes like a child at times. Actually theres a few things that sets it off something chronic. When shes hungry or tired, she acts exactly like a cranky 3 year old.

Thanks again. Im doing my best. I thought coming here might make me feel a bit better, and it has in a way, but at the same time, I feel like a bit of a cry baby now. If i had enough time to myself, i probably would have a good cry about it all.

Thanks again.

NSCC

In response to: Re: At my wits end!

pipSenior Contributor29 Sept 2016, 6:38 am AEST

Re: At my wits end!

@NSCC. I'm not surprised you feel like crying. When your wife goes into her 'act', you've lost her as a wife, so grief sets in. there's nothing wrong with crying, it's part and parcel of grief/anger. You've been taking care of her for so long, you're emotionally worn out. Some of the anger she displays as the 3 year old could be because she wasn't allowed to express anger or fear when she was a child, now she's not in the same environment as she was, the temper tantrum surfaces. Children push the boundaries till the adult/parent disciplines them. Your wife is doing much the same thing. The child in her is pushing buttons to see how 'dad' in this case you, reacts. You don't quite know how to react, do you a ( Walk away, b( Punish her, c( Sexually abuse her, She has been a victim all her life so, to her, this could be normal behaviour. It's possible that, to her, the sexual abuse meant she was being 'noticed'. Maybe it was a form of punishment. These are areas her councillor will help her work through and recognize. A lot of the above statements I've made are purely guesswork, Except the victim self-blame part. Because I was a victim (I say WAS because I put my demons to death). But because victims are blamed by the abusers, they tend to believe everything that they are told. If you can cry to release tension, go for it, you're human, you have feelings and emotions and need to get those feelings out so you can carry on.

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