Quitting study because my depression is outta control.

I was studying for my diploma in Mental Health, Alcohol and Other Drugs through TAFE. I've decided to withdraw because I am so far behind I've got no chance of catching up unfortunately. I feel like I've let everyone down including myself but my depression is so bad that I have zero motivation to do anything and my mind and memory is just a mess. I don't see my psychiatrist again until mid October and when I do see him I will be asking for a supporting letter from him requesting my withdrawal from studies.

I'm kind of embarrassed by it all, as I try to overcome my issues with my mental health, but for the past 10 years, I've found myself stunted or going backwards instead of forwards. Late last year I went to my 20th high school reunion and realised I have nothing in common with any of my former peers. They are all living reasonably successful lives, and here I am surviving on a disability pension fortnight to fortnight with little to no savings and nothing to show. Ten years ago I was in a good marriage, had a job I loved working for the government, my own home... I had all the mod cons and had a great group of friends. Fast foward and I've been homeless, a victim of domestic violence twice, lot my home, my job and have lost all my possessions over time and have hardly any friends and no family. I feel like a total loser and no matter how hard I try to regain what I lost, my mental health always gets the better of me. It's not fair!

I feel so confused and bitter about not being able to have a successful life like the people I went to school with (and what I used to have before becoming ill with depression and schizophrenia). It is constantly like one step forward and two steps back. I struggle most of the time to simply keep on being on the world.

But that is not enough sometimes.