Hello darkness my old friend

@Appleblossom I definitely do not mind you sharing! I have done the same more than a couple of times.

I think our childhoods definitely shape our adult experiences and it is not until we reach adulthood that we realise how dysfunctional our experience was. To a child their experience is completely normal.

I am so glad your clinical experiences kept you alive, some of mine have served that purpose too. And that is enough when that is what is needed. I completely agree that being able to meet with another human being and be myself and that they have to listen to me can be so helpful.

I am grateful we have a public system as, even though I had bad experiences with it, it can be really beneficial for many people. Everyone has something different that works for them but sadly the public system didn’t for me. Even in the private system I did not click with the first psychologist I engaged with.

I think the psychologist I engage with now is the first that got into the nitty gritty of how my childhood affected and continues to affect me- even though I am now 52….. At the end of the day this is worked for me even though it is a long hard process for sure. It will be worth it in the end.

I was amazed an OT gave you handouts but would not reflect on them or work on them with you! I would not have given positive feedback that’s for sure! The amount of money it costs to see an OT they can at the very least go through handouts they give you in the first place! The sessions you provided sound more beneficial than the OT ones you had.

I am happy you are moving to a more mature critical perspective, I definitely need to stop the constant need to please people in my life too. It made me sad that you have been treated so badly by some of the people in your life.

Thank you for giving me the chance to be supportive rather than constantly seeking support. 💕💕

Things haven’t been going too bad the last few days. Today though I began wondering why it is so hard to make and keep friends? I have some good people in my life and lots of acquaintances and online friends but very close friends. This of course may be related to my inability to let people get really close to me. I hate BPD it is like I want people close but I don’t want people close at the same time. It is quite isolating and hard to live with.

This rain is never ending, just goes on and on and on. Feel so bad for those directly impacted by the flooding. Our garage has flooded from groundwater but we are generally more in danger from being cut off than anything else. I know we are more fortunate then many, I really do. But the endless rain is really having an impact on my mood and I wish it would stop.

Hi to everyone, I am really struggling right now. I am trying my absolute best to stay positive but things are just getting too hard right now.

The recent bad weather which resulted in water entering our garage, partially collapsed retaining wall and general anxiety of being cut off when our complex flooded has really hit me hard. I know other people have had it way worse than us here and I have been helping others any way I can but still don’t feel I do enough. I am also struggling to care really about anything much right now as it is just one thing after another and I just have had enough.

Our resident cats are having difficulty accepting our foster cat which is also causing anxiety and feelings of failure - do I keep persisting and hope they accept her or contact the rescue and ask them to take the foster cat back? I don’t want either the foster or resident cats to be too stressed or get hurt.

My youngest son is 18 almost 19 and I don’t know what to do to motivate him as even getting him out of bed requires so much nagging and pushing and I am just done with it!

I don’t mean for this to be a doom and gloom post but I feel like I am swimming against the tide and just cannot make any headway right now. Having trouble even keeping my house presentable right now and am so overdue with cleaning my kitchen and bathroom and dusting.

I haven’t reached out to my psychologist as I feel that she is only there to help if I continue to pay royally for the privilege. I am at the final appointment on my current referral and then have to once again redo the process of organising another round of sessions partially funded by Medicare. The sessions are so expensive and, while they have helped, I don’t feel the expense is worth it. I cancelled today’s session due to dealing with flooding etc and did not even get asked if I was ok. I get they are busy but surely that is not too much to ask. Makes me feel I am just a number though.

Anyway, enough from me. I hope you are all well here. I miss talking to you all. 💕💕