no choices

Hi @seamusunsean

The flip flop in power between the sexes ... can be destructive .. if one side has a sugar daddy or mommy, whether or not it be biological as well.

Your situation upsets me. Definitley not just.

The courts dont seem to be doing as a good a job as they are being paid to do ... hmmm ... those dudes aint cheep.

My dad died when I was 11. My brother started to unearth his story, but then died too, so it has been left to me to put the BIG jigsaw pic together. It has dominated decades of my time and effects future generations if it isnt sorted.

Hang in there ... trim back on wants ... get viable about basic needs .. dont worry about a week without kids .. its not long in the scheme of things .. post here .. join a mens group ... dont hate women ... its complicated ...

cant centrelink help .. cos even paying the extra reconnection fee is a bummer ...

if you have given that much time to your kids already ... THERE HAS TO BE A WAY .. for your situation to work .. havnt found the right legal aid dude maybe .. keep lookin ... we got ya bak.

Hi @seamusunsean

I so sympathise with you as how you are feeling is so typical of depression and grief when experiencing such losses in life; when life hits those rough patches and dark times. I have been there. Most of us how felt this way at some stage in our lives and can totally relate to you, and can also totally assure you there is light at the end of the tunnel. Hang in there.

Each day look for some small good, even just a glimmer and focus it on solely for as long as you can; hold onto it shutting the rest out - giving your mind a break from it all - some respite. Go for a walk in nature or along the beach. Have a good talk to someone who is trustworthy and a good listener. Read a good book or watch a movie to distract yourself for a while. Do a little bit of what relaxes you each day. It all helps to uplift. Don't neglect your own needs. You do have a choice to do the above and feel better.

It's hard to shake the feeling of not caring about anything because presently you can't see a good future for yourself at the moment as the trauma of your situation is overwhelming you and making your spirit downcast. But that does not mean that there isnt a better future to look forward to. As in time this rough patch and the situation with the children will all work out. And the children will need you - plenty to care about right there. You also have that choice - caring about the kids and what is good for them. And that is having a loving dad in their life.

@NikNik had good advice about contacting Dads in distress. They could not only boost your morale, offering friendship and support but also give practical advice on where to obtain legal representation for little or no fee as they would of been through this themselves. Once you gain this knowledge and support it will help empower you boosting your spirit by seeing that your situation is not hopeless; that you do have legal rights and that you will see the children regularly with the proper legal representation and the fact that you aren't alone in this. Take that first baby step my friend and contact them as you also have that choice to improve your situation and mental state. You "do have choices". Choices that can make your life situation better. That will help you to care again. It's up to you. Remember just deal with everything only one day at a time. All things pass and the sun will shine again. Hold onto hope. We are here for you always.

@seamusunsean maybe that is partly a physiological and emotional exhaustion thing .. cant shake stuff like that with a quick will power self talk.

Take care .. and go the long term thing ..

Hi @seamusunsean, having just read through the thread I can understand how you're got to where you are. You've had some great support and advice but I would think that it's completely critical to be in contact with people who have been where you are now. As much as we try, it's hard to really know the nature of your loss and sense of powerlessness.

If you do make contact with other dads in your situation, and sadly there are many, you'll have evidence that it's possible to re-create a life from the ashes of your old one. You'll meet and talk with people who have lived through it and come out the otherside. With lives that look very different from what they've lost but still as loving parents doing their best. As hard as it'll be to accept now there'll also be evidence that there can be happiness in the future.

Have you contacted Mens Line yet? Here are there details. You can chat online with them or call. They also have a forum. Most importantly, they'll have referral info for online and real world places you can connect with others who are or were where you are. I think it's worth trying. Once we become parents we need to cover all the basis to get and stay well.

Keep in contact @seamusunsean, even if we haven't all been there we do care.