Living with Loneliness

@Appleblossom

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@rav3n @Bunniekins @Glisten @ENKELI @PeppiPatty a@all

hey no its an old thread dont want start anew one just this is fitting and other threads i don't want put misery on thing is my life taught me loneliness is safety, safe from politics, competing, deception, jealousy being good enough, ego betrayal abandonment, peer pressure disappointment, heartbreak and abuse. all those things i had plenty of dealings with by time was 14

stranger in a strange land answer to not wanting to go to school construction full time in the 90s formwork and concrete and steel i know what lonely means amongst crowds.

too young yo fit in with people i work with, unable to relate to my own age school kids

loneliness was desensitised by never belomging to a group or a home

ive written and removed so much on this posy when im sad is what im sayng.

i dont trust easy and im very gyarded, lomeliness used to be dealt with by means of having big bags of popularity and always interacting with people without having to get close or let them close and giving them what they want was still interaction and yjey go to great lengths to be liked.

never known the bomd of friends from school and the men i learned work from are all done thier time.

mu kids and thier mum filled the loneliness of not letting people close for few decades then they became adulys and lovinf doesnt mean, trust no. not with some things.

years of drunking to pass out at night and things to get me through the day got too much ass i got older so start councelling.

i was difficult

psychologist gave me a space,

that s[ace became safe.

having safe means realising its absence for decades;

being safe i start dropping defences and trust with emotions and feelings.

tsafe space not safe it is just paper to government funding

im feeling loss and sadness

i feel dumb for believing in another

loneliness is lonely it is safer than any space

the sadness is not wellcome it wants to rule

i think positive i radically accept sadness waits and now i feel sad because sad wont stop sad is growing and makes me unhappy whicg is is different to sad and if you knew me you would know its not understood its like i cant be sad for losing trust by doing no wrong my sad has to be codependency or abandonement issue or dumb hot for teacher stuff or insecurity and i got all yhem in my life so im not allowed to just be sad im not allowed to see a person i trust and shared my life with because someone says so.

loneliness was

@REDLINEZ750 @cloudcore @Appleblossom @Lila3 @Bunniekins @StuF

Yes, loneliness is a kind of loneliness that feels both like a punishment and a comfort. .Your sadness is real, it's welcome here, and it deserves to be heard without judgment.

thank you @PeppyPatti

sorry i get caught up and post tioo big all tinne

You haven't noticed my posts then @REDLINEZ750

Waffle on

Go on a tangent

Forget what I'm answering .....

It's. Because we are safe writing here

Ps. I'm always accidently asking people for their Facebook name or pictures of me getting married etc.

They don't get posted. How safe are we ?

Im safe there i dont have facebook or any of it @PeppyPatti

i think your pretty cool i enjoy reading your pposts and talking with you

I haven’t been here for a long time but in that long time I have learned that living with loneliness becomes so much worse and so painful it’s enough to break your heart many times over! I know that offering to help family doesn’t fix it, that you can be so terribly abused by that and funnily accused of causing your abuse yourself which is harder to handle, you can be left with repair bills, debt, unit to repair, clean ups of things I’ve never heard of like amphetamine smoke damaged walls!! Agh!!!

so the pain of loneliness progresses until you wonder what is motivating you to get out of bed today?? I would love it if my family showed a spontaneous act of kindness but I’ve waited all their adult lives for that and I’ve had tirades of abuse instead!! I try for a little act of kindness to myself now! Must say good night as I start to fall asleep on my feet! Not worth the injuries I can tell you! Try a little kindness to yourselves too! It might be all we get!
Doldip15

Hey @Doldip15,

Feeling that you are living with loneliness is understandably painful and struggling to cope with, and I can hear how it significantly affects your mental wellbeing and feel less motivated to do different tasks. You are not alone in hoping to hear the appreciation and receive some kindness act from your family instead of getting hurt by them.

I would like to acknowledge your strengths in recognising your needs and starting to be gentle and show self-compassion to look after yourself.

If you would like to chat further, please know that the community is here to support you as well.

Wonderful to see you @Doldip15 I was texting you at one stage

then was pitting the wrong name etc.

my inheritance came in today but family stuff is

again

stopping stuff.
iv always been the scapegoat where I get ignored and laughed at.
it feels like confidence has helped me.
no one changes their mind.
you are probably laugh and shaking your head and I’m so there.

my oldest son rings me twice a year to tell me what a terrible mum I was. He is 35 and a lawyer.

we speak very deep for an hour. My heart practically has physical ailments for about 2 days after.
but know if I say :

L………… today all I’m doing is setting myself up so I’m not a financial drain on you when I get older.

I try and say this when it gets too hard.
will this response help out ?

I’ve been struggling with getting around and sometimes I feel it would be better to be a shut in! Qualified for a mobility scooter but discovered certain members of the community make you a target for abuse on one of these! Then got it caught in a stronger tree than usual and nearly got myself thrown off in the style of a bucking bronco! Definitely thinking of staying home! The next day took it for insurance quote and it simply stopped dead at a crossing and refused to go any further! What to do with a scooter that won’t move! It causes you to be very conspicuous sitting at the crossing going nowhere! I have to go shopping- I wonder how long I can defer it?

I am trying to deal with the insurance company, the local council, the company who sold the scooter, and I want to hide in the bed clothes and pretend none of them exist!
I joined a group that supposedly focuses on Mental Health and does group activities like Creative Art led by an Art Therapist!

there are strict rules for participating and your not allowed to mention anything like Folding paper swans in relation to Hiroshima as war is a banned subject, you can’t say you’ve had a terrible morning because your Grandson was assaulted, that’s also a banned subject, you can’t say your daughter was diagnosed with a possibly terminal cancer, that’s also a banned subject and don’t mention anything for your own personal health issues currently filling you with fear and anxiety- that’s not allowed either! And something bland like gardening is not on the agenda so not to be talked about either! I go to sit in silence and I’m wondering is there really any point? What is a support group really? I’m going to try a different day and different craft and see if I can feel any kindness here but so far I feel rejection and negativity because unfortunately my life is plagued by traumatic events that impact me negatively and I tend to say so when asked what’s happening! I need a verbal lock on my mouth and I need to learn to sit in silence! Having spent my career listening and working with people I am saddened to the core that it’s not OK to speak

Doldip19

@CalmOwl