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Living with Loneliness

Living with Loneliness

Feelings of loneliness occur when there is a mismatch between the amount of meaningful social connection we want and the amount we have. So while loneliness can be caused by isolation, it can also be felt when surrounded by people, and in friendships, family and intimate relationships. It is a personal feeling of social isolation

Loneliness can be really hard to manage and studies have shown it can lead to poorer physical and mental health. Physically, loneliness can cause low energy, poorer sleep, headaches, worse experience of physical pain and addiction. Mental health wise, it can cause anxiety, depression, poorer self esteem and thoughts of suicide. Often this can even lead to further isolation and feelings of loneliness for each person.

In Australia, 1 in 3 people report feeling lonely and socially isolated. This means that there is a chance many of us here on the forums experience loneliness, especially given that many of us have or care for those with lived experience of complex mental health concerns. It’s important for us to share that experience and find connection and support.

Questions for the community:

  1. What does loneliness look like for you?
  2. How does loneliness feel and how does it impact your wellbeing?
  3. Are the periods of the day or year when loneliness is harder to manage?
  4. What have you done to manage loneliness, do you have tips for others?

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We recognise that loneliness is experienced differently for everyone and we welcome all stories this space. Please remember to be safe and respectful of eachother, you can find the guidelines here. If you experience any distress whilst reading along with this discussion, please reach out to Lifeline 13 11 14 or the SANE Help Centre to speak to a counsellor.

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In response to: Living with Loneliness

Re: Living with Loneliness

@Doldip15

My little Arlo, someone- my little dog I had when I first began Sane forums - passed away last year.

I'm not quite ready to get another dog but me birds keep me amused.

But honestly - you have a Dachshund ? Lucky you. I tend to lean on poodles or little white Maltese shitzus. I have a dream I'm going to India at the dog pound to rescue a dog for my next one.

In response to: Living with Loneliness

Re: Living with Loneliness

@tyme Hello and thanks for reaching out! It’s been a lonely, lost time for me and I’ve been trying to stay busy but sometimes busy just emphasises failure!
Found my old gratitude diary when trying to eliminate old paperwork! Don’t know if anyone has tried keeping one of those! I refuse at present! But started each page of my old one with a meaningful quote that spoke to me and reading them today, I realise they still do!
like “Everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of fear” George Adair.
How true! It’s fear that paralyses! But how to overcome fear! That’s not so easy! Have I achieved it? Absolutely not!
Has anyone read any of the Furry Logic books?

One quote from Furry Logic

”Don’t be afraid

I’m right behind you,

Using you as a shield”

Kind of implies that I have to be the brave one and shield the one more afraid behind me! Kind of gives you an inner strength if you think you’re helping someone weaker than you!
But then another favourite quote from these books

“ Don’t rush me____
I’ll make the wrong decision when I’m good and ready”

now this is me! Procrastinate, waste time, look up details and get it wrong! So the fear stays!
I’m finding it hard to believe I haven’t made all mistakes! But then in same diary I find a thank you letter from a very old man I cared for once with a community service, thanking me for the dignity, respect and caring I gave him and the understanding, friendly relationship he felt he had with me in each occasion of my home visits! I got something right for someone! And he finishes with thank you from the “loners who live alone” and appreciate each and every visit! Was that me? Or me wearing the false smile pretending to be someone I wasn’t?
I’m hoping I haven’t lost the power to dream of something positive still to come!

I may have lost the verse I found but found this quote

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams” So may we all dream on! It brings hope!

Re: Loneliness

@outlander

@PeppiPatty

@tonys

In response to: Re: Living with Loneliness

Re: Living with Loneliness

Hugs @Doldip15 ,

I'm around 🙂

Thank you for your insightful post.

In response to: Living with Loneliness

Re: Living with Loneliness

hi @tyme i was just in PARC and felt very not lonely - it was really wonderful

coming back is very triggering and i am not so safe here i feel lonely and got into a fight with a neighbour - i had to call triage and text my supports but its a rush here lots of stress

In response to: Re: Living with Loneliness

Re: Living with Loneliness

Coolie!!!!! @EternalFlower PARC was the BEST thing for me. I think I've mentioned before that over the years, I've had 5-6 admissions into PARCs, ranging from 2-6 weeks. The peer support there was invaluable. As you said, I also felt totally NOT LONELY!!! It reminded me what 'life' really was.

Yet part of the work in PARC is to help you stand on your own two feet too - outside these services.

I recognise the transition is challenging, but good on your for reaching out!

You're a winner 🙂

Thank you so much for the update.

In response to: Re: Living with Loneliness

Re: Living with Loneliness

hey @tyme parc is such a great model and the ppl who work in them seem to me to be quite special people - it takes a ceratin kind of openness to accept people where they're at -

i'm not feeling so awesome at the moment but i'm working - moving - through it -

things feel a little intense

i got home and its so so cold and heater broken and its hard

In response to: Re: Living with Loneliness

Re: Living with Loneliness

Hey @EternalFlower

@tyme

Thinking about you both. What is PARC ??

In response to: Re: Living with Loneliness

Re: Living with Loneliness

Well I enjoy your photos and links so much all, that I wasted the better part of a morning limping around small back yard trying to take photo of my dog, Otto, being his usual attention seeking self! And all I got was”This image is too large….blah” no matter how small I made it! Same with saved images! Don’t know how you do it???
started Art class and I’ll love it! I may not be good but I’ll have fun!
cheers

Re: Good Morning!

In response to: Living with Loneliness

Re: Living with Loneliness

Hello @EternalFlower

It is sad when old friends no longer want to communicate or actually break contact with you! You push me down the memory path of those I’ve tried to stay in touch with after moving towns, jobs, marriage breakup and even moving country for some! It’s hard work! And when you find your letters not returned, or your phone calls, emails etc, unanswered, after a while you just stop trying!

recently reconnect with a friend from school long ago with whom I maintained a friendship through both our first failed marriages but lost contact well into her second marriage when she moved to Sydney out of personal reach kind of, and I was struggling still as a sole parent of 4 trying to work - at times 4 casual jobs! We lived in a beach side town! My kids practically lived at the beach, especially my son, swimming, surfing, fishing, swinging on ropes, hiking through the bush, but attacking the hell out of his sisters if he was at home! Had all sorts of strategies to keep the violence to a minimum if I was at work and they were home together! As an adult? You wouldn’t know this man ever set fire to the bush, emptied peoples bins for fun, attacked his sisters with cricket bats and knives, put holes in the walls! Oh no! He’s won an award for managing difficult government public office. Manages the most abusive people himself and not with abuse- with tolerance and understanding. There’s not a rule he’ll break or a shortcut he’ll take! He frowns on nieces and nephews doing what he did! His own children supervised since early childhood to a rigid degree! Life is interesting and how things change!
I’ll try taking a lesson in YouTube re making photos small enough- just a sudden thought! Not relevant here but back to friends!

managing my kids made it very hard to stay in touch with anyone except very good friends who came to the beach too to share BBQ lunch or tea and let kids run and play! A social worker said to me back then- “ Get your kids outside in public having fun! You don’t harm your children in public” she was right! An hour at the beach in the morning on non school days, again in the afternoon followed by BBQ dinner in the park and home to bed, kept them busy but first you had to find the son often who already escaped to the lake! It was an interesting life I guess but lonely as an adult because being busy doesn’t compensate in any way for relationship, companionship and intimacy!
I hope some new friends arrive in your life but even these are not something you can advertise for or seek out on social media with success hey? They arrive in your life unexpectedly and rarely! So good luck and I’m glad you have friends on the forums to talk to! Wish warm hugs to you!

@EternalFlower

In response to: Re: Living with Loneliness

Re: Living with Loneliness

Hey @EternalFlower , PARC was just what I needed. The inpatient system just didn't work for me, whereas PARCs was voluntary and recovery focused. I found it really helpful, however, from what I've heard now, they've reduce the average stay to 2 weeks instead of the 4 weeks which was the model I had when I was at PARC.

For me, PARC was a buffer for the 'red flag' periods. If I knew I had a challenging time ahead, I'd have a planned admission into PARC. This was the greatest help.

@PeppyPatti PARCs are Prevention and Recovery Centres. So it's either a step-up or step-down from hospital. So essentially, people stay there voluntarily for a few weeks to work on recovery goals. Each person is assigned a key clinician to work with them throughout the whole process. There are activities each day including psychoeducation groups, exercise groups, walks, craft/art groups, movie nights, trivia sessions, shopping trips, beach visits, coffee, dog walking etc. At the PARC I was at, there was a maximum of 10 people at anyone time. There are staff onsite 24/7, but the psych registrar and psychs are only there in the day time. Night and overnight staff are there too.

I think the greatest help there was connecting with other residents to hear their stories and focus on recovery.

It's different from inpatient in that at PARCs, you are free to go in and out of the place. You just need to sign in and out. However, when you first go, the psychiatrist may recommend that you don't leave for the first few days - but this is only a recommendation.

In my area, a new PARC has opened up for mothers and their babies! This is WPARC. Totally amazing considering most mothers cannot access support because they have young children at home.

I reckon it would be a place I'd love to work in. Also, it's government funded so there's no cost to the person...

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