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Living with Loneliness

Living with Loneliness

Feelings of loneliness occur when there is a mismatch between the amount of meaningful social connection we want and the amount we have. So while loneliness can be caused by isolation, it can also be felt when surrounded by people, and in friendships, family and intimate relationships. It is a personal feeling of social isolation

Loneliness can be really hard to manage and studies have shown it can lead to poorer physical and mental health. Physically, loneliness can cause low energy, poorer sleep, headaches, worse experience of physical pain and addiction. Mental health wise, it can cause anxiety, depression, poorer self esteem and thoughts of suicide. Often this can even lead to further isolation and feelings of loneliness for each person.

In Australia, 1 in 3 people report feeling lonely and socially isolated. This means that there is a chance many of us here on the forums experience loneliness, especially given that many of us have or care for those with lived experience of complex mental health concerns. It’s important for us to share that experience and find connection and support.

Questions for the community:

  1. What does loneliness look like for you?
  2. How does loneliness feel and how does it impact your wellbeing?
  3. Are the periods of the day or year when loneliness is harder to manage?
  4. What have you done to manage loneliness, do you have tips for others?

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We recognise that loneliness is experienced differently for everyone and we welcome all stories this space. Please remember to be safe and respectful of eachother, you can find the guidelines here. If you experience any distress whilst reading along with this discussion, please reach out to Lifeline 13 11 14 or the SANE Help Centre to speak to a counsellor.

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In response to: Living with Loneliness

Re: Loneliness

Thank you for your thoughtful responses @BPDSurvivor ! Communities are so important for helping with feelings of loneliness associated with mental health struggles. For myself, finding just one other person who shared my experience helped so much. What other communities have you tapped into apart from the SANE forums?

@MDT , I've felt some feelings of loneliness coming out of lockdown too, for me it felt like everyone around me had changed in that time locked away and I was entering a new world with people I didn't recognise. Part of that was true, people did change a little (some more anxious, others more driven) but I realised that for the most part everyone remained themselves. Have you felt like people around you changed after lockdown?

In response to: Re: Loneliness

Re: Loneliness

Yes @cloudcore
I think it feels like I haven't seen anyone and nothing has happened since.
Like I've lost friends
It isn't nice.
But then also before lockdown some people I didn't talk with either...
Who knows..

In response to: Re: Loneliness

Re: Loneliness

Feeling like we're losing friends is awful @MDT , I hear you on that. What do these friendships mean to you? Are they friends from highschool?

In response to: Re: Loneliness

Re: Loneliness

No actually one of my closest mates is from high school @cloudcore

But yeah idk it seems like if you are not into the same stuff or at the same stage in life as them then they aren't interested in speaking.

In response to: Re: Loneliness

Re: Loneliness

It's really lovely to hear that you have maintained that friendship, it's great to have someone who has been there through everything @MDT! I have definitely noticed that when my interests change, my friendships generally do too, but I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing for me. Sometimes we outgrow people, and we find others who suit us better

What kind of interests do you have?

In response to: Living with Loneliness

Re: Loneliness

Hi cloudcare,

Thanks so much, it's all good. I'm an old hat @ this. I think that's something that comes with time is the resilience to not let it bother you.

I've used many affirmations in the past. My most important was after leaving the psych ward the last time. I was at the doorstep, on my own waiting for a cab to take me home. At that point I realised I no longer had my keys. That was Ok, I slept on my porch in Mont Albert and managed to get in the next day.

I made a promise to myself that day that on every single day when I woke up I would look up at the sky and remind myself that it was a really beautiful day that God had created for us. That I would make the most of the day... fairly simple but much different after being locked in one of those places.

In response to: Living with Loneliness

Re: Loneliness

Thank You

Great post!

In response to: Living with Loneliness

Re: Living with Loneliness

Loneliness is a big problem for me. It affects me every day.
Q 1) Loneliness gives me a whole mixture of emotions. When I need time to myself, loneliness doesn't affect me so bad because at least I'm alone and am doing something that makes me feel good at the time, like reading a book or listening to Netflix. At other times, loneliness makes me feel suicidal and depressed. As I get older, I get worse with loneliness and my mental health is slowly deteriorating.
Q 2) Loneliness most of the time, makes me feel down and out, and hard-done-by. I know the world doesn't owe me anything, but I still feel as though I'm not getting enough support or social interactions. On the other hand, this makes me more resentful, so I don't want to have any social interactions at all. This creates a vicious cycle for me and I feel really fatigued, exhausted, and sometimes physically unwell, not just nauseous but just really unwell in general. This causes my suicidal ideation to get worse. I have good and bad days with suicidal ideation. Sadly, talk therapy is not effective for me. A psychology is really good emotional support and a non-threatening sounding-board for me, but my mental health has not improved with therapy from a psychologist. I need medication.
Q 3) Loneliness affects me daily, regardless of the time of year. Some days are worse than others.
Q 4) Besides medications, a psychologist is good emotional support for me. I feel bad that I have failed all psychologists so far, but this is not their fault. My MI is intractible, it can't be cured and it won't go away no matter how well I try to manage it. So I deal with loneliness in ways which most of the time, stops my mental health problems from deteriorating. Even then I sometimes have to go to the hospital for support. When I'm not hospitalised, I manage my lonliness by reading, mindfulness exercises, physical exercise, eating some junk food but mostly healthy food, drinking plenty of water, occasional supliment use (please consult your health professional before use of any herbal or vitamin supliments), sleep (when possible), music, and self-care. This massive list of options as well as occasional social activities, makes loneliness feel less miserable, and I suppose I'd be hospitalised a lot more often if it wasn't for this big list of strategies.

In response to: Living with Loneliness

Re: Living with Loneliness

Loneliness is something I deal with constantly. I've never felt a true sense of belonging.

A big part of my diagnosis has involved traumatic experiences, I have both ptsd & BPD.

I've grown up with poor parents who are both mentally ill. My father is indigenous and mum is white. This makes it hard to fit in with 'mainstream' folk. Friends seem to have lives & experiences that are world's apart from my own. Of course I am happy for these people but i often can't relate, deepening my sense of isolation.

In response to: Re: Living with Loneliness

Re: Living with Loneliness

I really relate @Lila3 !

I think when we have experienced traumatic experiences there can be a part of us that feels what I call 'unknowable' to other people. I often feel that even with the people I am closest too there is no way for them to ever really know me. And I also feel like at times I really don't know myself which makes me feel even more lonely.

And in terms of your cultural experience I can also relate though don't have the same experiences. I come from a Jewish background but wasn't raised super religious. So there is a lot about my own heritage and community that I don't fully understand that makes me not fit in with a lot of Jewish people. Whereas I don't feel I fit in with other people either. It's like I'm too Jewish in some settings and not Jewish enough for others. Does that make sense?

Thanks so much for sharing with us
- periwinklepixie

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