I feel I’m not good enough

Am with you @BlueBay . Hugs, BPDSurvivor.

Waiting for you for when you wake up 🙂 Catch up then.

Speak soon,

BPDSurvivor

Hello @BlueBay

Today started well for me, I read and responded to some posts. One of which was your post suggesting that you understood the bigger picture of 'where you are', 'where you want be' and the general idea of the process of 'moving from one place to another'. I can understand the feeling of enthusiasm and possibly excitement about recognition and understanding of the ideas.

Suddenly, we can be overcome with the idea of how much work will be involved in that process of transition. We can have such feelings of enthusiasm and excitement, before a car trip that is longer and through places with which we are unfamiliar. And then the fear and anxiety takes hold. We look forward to a good night's sleep so that we can be refreshed for the trip and all we can think of is what might go wrong. We wake up in the morning feeling as if we've not slept, but we continue on, get ready and start on the trip.

About half way through the trip, we are actually beginning to enjoy the freedom and the country through which we are travelling. We are still aware of the possible problems but they are no longer the dominant thoughts in our mind. We are beginning to enjoy the process.

That is what I was referring to when I said that you would find the trip interesting and challenging but there would be difficulties.

The way I see your position at the present time is as if it is the night before starting the trip. There is a level of anxiety and a feeling of being overwhelmed by the prospect of the sheer size of the trip. You will get through these patches of anxiety and resistance. And you will come to a place of understanding that, while the trip may involve facing challenges and difficulties, there will also be times when there is clarity and a new way of seeing into yourself and at what is around you.

…....... “ ….......

“

I said that we would be close by on the trip, so I hope that you will share something of my day with me. As I said earlier, I was able to give a short response to a few posts before I went to the Aged Care Community for the singing from 10.30 to 11.45. After that, I came home to prepare some material for my discussion with the counsellor with whom I am speaking as part of my therapy process.

Our discussion referred back to when I was a child. We talked about the interactions between my parents and me and my brother and me. We also talked about how some of the patterns of behaviour that I developed during those early years became models for my behaviour and interactions with other people as my 'world' expanded through school and later work.

The discussion left me feeling, not exhausted, but rather a feeling as if drained of energy. Different discussions seem to have different effects. During the discussion today, at one stage I talked enthusiastically. At another time of the discussion I was close to tears. So the overall effect of the discussion was a feeling of being drained of energy.

I have learned to be aware of the possibilities and anticipate them so that I do not feel bowled over by them or have the feelings over-whelming when I need to be doing something else. In other words I plan the time after a therapy discussion to be spent doing something less demanding than I might otherwise be doing.

I want to take this opportunity to again assure you that I do not consider you to be a burden. In a purely practical sense, the doctor and psychologist, and others, would not have work without you, me and all the other people requiring their services and assistance. The other aspect, that we hope is true, is that they are committed to our welfare from their own desire to be of service to others.

To be honest, right now I am feeling tired. However, I did want to talk with you about your day and mine.

For now, I wish you a very good night's sleep and a fresh new day tomorrow

With My Very Best Wishes

@HenryX

Hello @wellwellwellnez

Thank you so very much for your special comments and imagery connected with flying. It seems that you are aware of the special interest of that connection for me and have applied it in your compliment. Thank you.

With My Very Best Wishes

@HenryX