Emotional Overload

I'm currently in emotional overload and I'm not coping with anything. Everything is too much and I just can't take much more.

I can no longer regulate my emotions and I feel like I have lost control of them and myself along with it. Everything gets to me, the smallest things are enough to set me into a firey and intense rage, panic, anxiety or into self loathing and depression.

I can never tell from day to day which emotion is going to pop up, it's like an unlucky dip. Somedays I can experience all of them. I tired an exhausted and only ever seem to finally get the quiet I crave when I'm asleep, but once I'm awake it starts to come flooding back with an intensity I have never felt before.

I have never felt so out of control, so unhinged the smallest of sentences can hurt and have me lashing out screaming, all the while at the same time realising this isn't me or what I want to be like.

My unstable mood is taking its toll.on my partner of 10 years as he feels sometimes like anything he says or do is going to set me off and feels like he can't say anything anymore. He can't even pick up his phone anymore around me without me asking who he's talking to and what he's doing and then acussing of talking about me.

I rang my case worker yesterday and she mentioned a short stay in hospital, my partner and I talked about last night and I started crying as I realised this is the only option I have left in an attempt to get a grip on things. I have to call her this morning to organise it.

I fough so hard to stay out of hospital, to try and get better better at home, where I'm comfortable, have my partner and little dogs to help. I honestly feel like a failure. I just want to go back to before all this to before this 'episode' when I was calmer and could at least manage things, back to before everything become so hard, back to before every single day was such a struggle