Emotional Overload

Hi @wild_rose

Sounds like good people are looking out for you and you have good support network. Good luck with your stay and please keep in touch.

Oh, One last thing @wild_rose .. If you feel up to it, maybe have a chat with your partner and your support worker about doing an advanced directive.. This might help you put your mind at ease about how you want to be treated and the ways in which you don't want to be treated such as certain medications and treatment types.

I know how you feel @wild_rose, you pretty much just described my every day to a T so you're definitely not alone in this, there's a fair few people on here and out in the big world that go through what you are so, hopefully you can find people to connect with here and share how you're feeling.

Please don't feel like a failure for going to the hospital though, sometimes we just need that extra helping hand and that's okay. So keep your chin up and hopefully you're feeling a bit better soon!

And just like that I'm on the verge of tears because I've told him I love today 3 times and I haven't got an I love you back and I wasn't the first person he messaged when he got on lunch.
I feel so pathetic, I know it's irrational but I just can'ts stop feeling like this.

sounds like theres so much going on @wild_rose alot of emotions at once it seems ,I remember a few months back feeling out of control emotionally as youve described self loathing and depression was at its worst ,along with bouts of crying ,yelling ect please know your not alone with that feeling I really did not like feeling that way at that time either,Maybe Lockdowns have made you feel less in control? or just life in general? please take good care of yourself ok and you always have friends on here to listen and talk to, your friend LostAngel

what you have described as happening for you is not something you can do alone. I know hospital can be overwhelming for most because I too avoid being in that sometimes challenging environment especially when you're away from loved ones. I know it was a difficult decision to make but it also sounds like you are just as alone at home when you can't share or articulate what's going on for you and the longer you don't address it I'm sure you can see negative outcomes from not getting on top of this now. Being in hospital, I believe is the best and also bravest decision you have made. There's no need to suffer in silence it only damages us more. Reaching out for help is the right decision and I'm sure one you won't regret. So be still and confident with your decision without worry because there is help available and you have made the first step.

Hey everyone, thanks for all your replies and support.

My partner has tried supporting me as much as he can but is having trouble dealing with all my emotions at the moment as it's practically every day I'm spewing them forth and as much as he's tried helping I know deep down that there's only so much he can take too.

I really hope that this stay as an inpatient helps me to mange better and help me to find better and more healthy ways to process, what I'm going through and hopefully regain control again.

I haven't told work yet, I've only just started back after a round of surgery, the thought of telling them makes me sick to stomach, I don't think they would understand mental health issues as I'm not too sure of the culture gap and their stance on it so to speak.

I'm also scared of losing my job because we need the money, but I know it's not something I can control or should worry about at the moment, it's a problem for tomorrow.

Hey Wild _Rose I'm glad posting here has been a supportive process it goes to show how talking and sharing with others that truly understand can shift some of the confusion and heaviness I know you've been struggling with. As for your husband I'm sure he'll be able to appreciate you firstly for being brave enough to do this but your relationship will benefit greatly from you addressing the concerns. I'm also pretty sure work places have to be really careful around looking after and supporting individuals with mental health. There's been big improvements over the last few years and I don't think they would risk the consequences of laying you off. Trust me we can't predict how things will play out so not much use wasting your time and energy overthinking the worst. Even the last post sounded somewhat more positive, I'm aware how our moods fluctuate but maybe you have found some comfort in your decision. I believe you are doing exactly what you need to do