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I need to write

ArizonaSenior Contributor06 Oct 2021, 11:46 pm AEDT

I need to write

I need to write.

My anxiety is through the roof. It's the worst it's ever been. It feels like my chest is going to explode. I can feel it in my whole body, even in my legs. My whole body is reacting to something.

It's strongest in my heart/diaphragm area but it is also in my stomach. I have a slight stomach ache. It feels like my body is buzzing.

And I can feel my heart beating in my chest.

And my mouth is dry.

I feel sad that this is happening to me. I feel sad and alone.

I tried to write but that is all I could say.

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In response to: I need to write

ArizonaSenior Contributor06 Oct 2021, 11:57 pm AEDT

I need to write

Hello @MDT

I'm over here. I'm having a very bad post-traumatic anxiety attack. I'm not okay.

(I'm not suicidal. I'm tired of having to explain to people that I'm not suicidal.)

In response to: I need to write

ArizonaSenior Contributor07 Oct 2021, 3:24 am AEDT

Re: I need to write

I made myself a cup of tea and took some Valerian Forte (herbal sedative) and I cuddled my Pug and told him how I feel.

I cried but only for a tiny bit. I can't feel or express my emotions.

There is a little girl

Inside me

Who is deeply traumatised

She has had

A very difficult life

It makes me sad

I wish I could

Have given her a better life

But I didn't know how

I didn't have the first clue

It's not my fault

That my parents were so f***ed

I know that intellectually

But still I blame myself

Perhaps that's why

I'm stuck in this mess

Because I blame myself

In response to: Re: I need to write

moxiSenior Contributor07 Oct 2021, 3:46 am AEDT

Re: I need to write

I'm sorry to hear you're having such a rough night @Arizona

I'm glad you have your little dog with you to keep you company. I hope you can get some rest soon.

In response to: Re: I need to write

ArizonaSenior Contributor07 Oct 2021, 4:01 am AEDT

Re: I need to write

Thank you for your kindness @moxi

In response to: Re: I need to write

NatureLoverSenior Contributor07 Oct 2021, 7:13 am AEDT

Re: I need to write

@Arizona I'm sorry to hear how bad your anxiety's been...severe anxiety really sucks...it's awful. 😞

I hope you wake up feeling stronger today...

In response to: Re: I need to write

ArizonaSenior Contributor07 Oct 2021, 7:35 am AEDT

Re: I need to write

Thank you for your kind words @NatureLover

I started to feel better after writing about how I feel (my symptoms) and writing my poem. I'm in bed having a cup of tea with honey and I have my hot water bottle under my feet and my Pug is beside me. I have just bought myself a year's subscription to the Headspace app. I was a member for six years but I cancelled my membership because I didn't like the changes they made to the app and it became very expensive. I have decided to go back because I haven't been able to find any other meditations that I like. I'm going to do a 20 minute meditation for anxiety once I finish my cup of tea.

In response to: Re: I need to write

NatureLoverSenior Contributor07 Oct 2021, 7:56 am AEDT

Re: I need to write

@Arizona I'm glad you've started to feel better and are looking after yourself 🙂

In response to: Re: I need to write

ArizonaSenior Contributor07 Oct 2021, 8:56 am AEDT

Re: I need to write

I did my meditation. It was quite hard. My mind was very busy. I will do another one later today.

In response to: Re: I need to write

MDTSenior Contributor07 Oct 2021, 10:30 am AEDT

Re: I need to write

I do hope another sessions helps you @Arizona

I know what it is to have a busy mind. I saw my psych on Tuesday Tuesday I have some delusion exercises to go through. It's sometimes a game of mental gymnastics isn't it?

In response to: Re: I need to write

ArizonaSenior Contributor07 Oct 2021, 11:29 am AEDT

Re: I need to write

I have found another interesting audio book to listen to. It's called Overcoming Trauma Through Yoga by David Emerson.

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SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.