@Former-Member @TideisTurning @pinklollipop15 @Jorge Ill post again as I need to write things out again,this morning I felt like screaming out loud,then I tried keeping busy,then distracted myself by watching a series on Netflix for hours,Ive eaten today but not as much as usual,like most days lately Ive overslept alot,I posted a few things on facebook but wasnt nearly as social as normal,been isolating in my room probly the last few days,today I had thoughts on my mind which Ill share here as Ive currently decided to switch off my phone for the day,yes its definetly supressed anger,or along those lines could be self loathing too,have taken my antidepressents as normal,yes it feels as though I need to speak to the man directly but today Ive used distraction,denial at times to again supress the feelings,thoughts,I have judged myself even saying to myself I shouldnt want what I want,I shouldnt need what I need,Im not really sure what I need from this man except maybe just for him to understand some things so that he can in turn hopefully understand why I do the things I do,Ive told myself I wasnt suposed to have feelings for him,Ive told myself it would be better if I didnt care,Ive really just needed to say these words to him why should you want me? why do you want me ? almost as if I need to hear what he actually thinks of me if anything,Ive also thought to myself its the words I dont say that are the hardest to say,its almost as if Im internally telling myself he shouldnt want me,if he does want me he shouldnt,I dont deserve for him to want me,thats not how its suposed to be for me,I had stand by and watch my mother get mens attention but not me she discouraged my social life to have her social life,and I resented for that cause she didnt allow me to have and enjoy things with men even though at the same time she would parade in front of me about how much of a social life she was having with various men,and I dont want to be like her,I dont want to be like my mother,romantically with men,she often put me down in order to put herself up that I wasnt deserving of a mans attention and yet she somehow was deserving ,I was denied the opertunity till now as an adult trying to find a man myself