enngemContributor
Undiagnosed/unknown mental health issues
Hello,
I've previously posted about caring for my husband over the past now 9 months. Brief run-down:
- started with poor sleep, low self confidence, obsessing about relationships with people at work
- developed into suspicious behaviour about me, accusing me of having an affair, becoming lesbian, coming out at work, tampering with his dashcam, turning our son against him, making up stories about him to tell other people, turning my family against him. He started looking through my phone, Facebook and email accounts while I was asleep trying to find 'evidence' to support his theories
- none of his suspicions are correct
- a few months ago I reminded him of some of the despicable things he had said and done to me and he appeared to not remember doing or saying them at all
- he started seeing a psychologist who treated him for PTSD and childhood trauma (emotionally abusive father)
- at advice of my psychologist, I spoke to this psychologist, our GP and got him in to a psychiatrist. I tried describing my observations to all these professionals but no one knee what to do
- psychiatrist told me possible Delusional Jealousy requiring meds for psychosis.
- further discussions with them, and they shut me off. Psychiatrist later told us it isn't anything he could diagnose and we should see a relationship counsellor. He did say it could related to childhood trauma and being abandoned by both his parents at one time or another but didn't really confirm this.
- many sessions with a relationship counsellor (clinical psychologist) who I believe was bamboozled by the whole idea that my husband had created all these scenarios in his head, and that none of them were true. Towards the end, I felt inwad being attacked by her in our sessions, she even said I should never have gone to the psychs to talk about my husband, and kept asking me why I'm still here, abd kept questioning what I had done to contribute to this situation (I kept telling her I hadn't done anything!)
- my relationships with is friends and his mum have been destroyed because he told them lies about me and they believed him, even enabled him.
Hubby has been able to somehow switch this stuff off for the most part. I don't know how. But life is seemingly getting back to some kind of normal.
The last 9 months have been hell though. I have cried, and screamed, and thrown things, and I'm ashamed to say I even spat in his face during one of his accusatory arguments with me.
The way he has treated me has been appalling. Even though I know he couldn't really help it. I've never felt so hopeless in all my life.
Now I am constantly going over everything in my mind. Remembering situations where he accused me of something ridiculous; proving to myself again and again that what he has said isn't even possible; worrying about the next family event where I'll be forced to see his mother who I used to love but who treated me like rubbish throughout all of this; wondering what will happen if he ever does it again; worrying about where I will live and if I will be able to get the kids out safely; feeling sad even snow because of everything that's happened this year. I no longer see our GP as I don't trust her anymore, I don't think his psychologist has a good understanding of what's going on or how to help, and the relationship counsellor I think didn't understand either abd was actually gaslighting me towards the end.
I have tried so hard to help him and to find put what's going on so he can get some help to stop it.
I just want to know why he started behaving like this. What is it called? Will it happen again? Who can I trust if it happens again? If it's not Delusional Jealousy then what is it? How could he just switch it off after being so consumed by it for months and months?
And also, am I experiencing some kind of secondary trauma because of everything he's done to me during the year?
I wish I could explain it more. I wish I could go and see someone who would say "ah ha! I know what this is, and this is what we can do to help him".
The feeling that nobody is listening and nobody believes me is so overwhelming and so isolating and lonely.
