A safe place to express myself

Hello @BPDSurvivor @Spirit_Healer @Appleblossom @Dimity . Thank you for your kindness ❤

@Appleblossom You are very lucky to have an education. That would have been my dream. I wasn't able to finish my Arts degree. I studied English, Psychology, Linguistics and Spanish. I was in the top 5% with my marks and I was offered a mentorship program with a lecturer of my choice. I chose the head of Linguistics. I could have had an academic career.

Also, while I was at uni I met quite a few women lecturers who had overcome depression to have an academic career. The head of Linguistics was one of them.

I admire Patti Smith as a woman and artist but I don't really like her music. It's not my thing.

@Appleblossom @Arizona

I can empathise with you about what it's like to be an educated, yet lonely woman.

I also studied Linguistics at uni...it taught me to never underestimate the power of language...

And so: here are some quotes, hopefully they get you through next time the going gets tough:

"I am powerful and I love it!"

"I peacefully allow my life to unfold"

"I relax knowing I can handle it all"

...famous quotes from 'Feel the fear and do it anyway' by Susan Jeffers, PhD in Psychology. If you're ever feeling anxious, I highly recommend this read!

Thanks for expressing your feelings here. I can identify.

I really like

Looking out my window

Watching the sky change

From day to night

It tunes me in

To the coming night time

I much prefer night time

It makes me feel safe

I'm watching it now

It is so calming

As the light fades

And the sounds fade

Soon the sky will be dark

The stars will come out

It will be so quiet

And peaceful

I love quiet

I really treasure it

I just woke up and had a hypnopompic hallucination where I saw a large spider crawling down the wall. This has happened to me many times before. I wonder why I always see (usually large) spiders when I have hypnopompic hallucinations? For a moment I think it is real and it scares the shit out of me.

What is going on for me today...

1. My anxiety is very bad today. I can feel it in my chest and solar plexus area. It is very intense.

2. Lately I can't write or express myself like I usually can. I don't know why.

3. I watched a video of Thich Nhat Hanh talking about loneliness last night. It was very helpful.

I just did a 10 minute meditation for anxiety and panic attacks. It was difficult but I did it. My whole body is wound up and my thoughts are intrusive.

I will try to meditate again later tonight.

https://youtu.be/uLFN3cJ9Nyw

I'm so grateful to be in my bed with my Pug and my hot water bottle under my feet. I'm going to sleep now. It's been a rough day.

I'm in a really bad mood

I don't know why

I feel angry and frustrated

I'm probably angry and frustrated with my life

I can't get in touch with my feelings

I can't connect with myself

I feel like there's no point in even writing

I feel like there's no point in doing anything

I feel hopeless, apathetic, defeated

I have no energy

I have no interest in life

I have no passion for anything

I can't write or express myself like I usually can.

I just did two 10 minute semi guided meditations and I feel much calmer. I haven't achieved that level of meditation (going deep within) for a long time.

I'm proud of myself for doing 40 minutes of meditation today.

I'm having a peppermint tea now and I have my hot water bottle under my feet and I'm going to listen to my audio book The Body Keeps the Score.