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Anger

Anger

This fortnight we are starting our first emotion discussion talking about Anger.

Anger is an emotion that we all feel from time to time. It is a natural response to situations in which we feel offended or wronged doing and is usually triggered by external factors, for example, injustice, humiliation, or illnesses, etc. It is generally a quick and intense emotion.

The base emotion of anger can be felt in many ways. We often describe anger by saying “I feel frustrated, I feel annoyed, I feel infuriated”.

Let’s use the emotions of anger and frustration as an example. They are often referred to in conjunction, however there are some underlying differences between the emotions and how it is felt.

Frustration refers to dissatisfaction or disappointment with specific situations, ie when a person fails to fulfill their desires up to their expected level. It is a mix of feeling hopeless, discouraged, sad, and disappointed. It is generally slow and steady, and built up internally. This is just one example of the complexity of anger, and how it is felt.

There are many different ways that we can feel and experience anger, and this is where the emotion wheel can help us to name how anger shows up in our lives. For this discussion, we are focussing on the red section of the wheel:

Feeling anger

When we feel anger, it can impact how we act. This discussion is about exploring what anger looks like in our lives, how we feel it in our body, how we act when we are angry, and what we can do to cope with anger and frustration.

When we can identify how anger shows up for us, and some of the signs we might be experiencing anger, we can take steps to manage the emotion and make better decisions when it comes to our actions.

This discussion will talk about themes such as anger and frustration, and may topics that could be upsetting or triggering for those reading along. There are questions we have planned ahead of time to keep this conversation safe and constructive, but if at any time you feel distressed, you are welcome to reach out to our peer support or counselling services for additional support.

66 replies

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In response to: Anger

Re: Anger

What are signs that anger and frustration are coming on? How does anger and frustration feel physically in your body?

I start getting frustrated and can feel it in my body through muscles tensing up, not being able to sit still and getting really agitated. It feels physically exhausting and I just want to get out of my head. At times I can even dissociate.

@cloudcore

In response to: Anger

Re: Anger

I feel furious. I am absolutely disgusted with how I have been treated. I have been taken over, lost control of my situation and I am so frustrated as there seems to be no redress. I am angry as hell but noone is listening. I have been labelled, pigeon holed and punished.

In response to: Anger

Re: Anger

Oh gosh, @cloudcore , I thought I was in touch with my emotions fairly well, but I'm finding these questions hard! So thank you, it must be doing me good.

Question 3:

What are signs that anger and frustration are coming on? How does anger and frustration feel physically in your body?

I feel suddenly alert, clear headed....in my body - ummm...tense, ready to defend myself...gosh this is hard! I obviously am not in touch with myself! 😞

In response to: Re: Anger

Re: Anger

What are signs that anger and frustration are coming on?

Because my anger is coming from things that Mr S says or does, these days when I see mood changing I have developed a trauma reponse. As soon as he starts talking more quickly or loudly, or if I see the dark cloud cross his face I immediately become defensive. I almost preempt my feelings of anger and resentment before they are necessary. Sometimes they're not and I've put myself though those feelings for no reason.

Learning through this discussion that a lot of what I'm feeling is neither fear nor guilt, but anger I think will help me deal with it.

How does anger and frustration feel physically in your body?

My heart beats faster, my teeth clench, I can't look at him. I just want to scream or cry, but won't/can't. Adreneline makes my chest burn and then when that subsides I'm left with the cortisole. That's what's doing the damage and what makes me irritable for hours afterwards, raises my blood pressure and even my colesterol levels are higher now that they've ever been, due to the lingering cortisole in my body.

The reason excercise or deep breathing helps you feel calmer is because they physically lower your cortisole so I try to breath, and if I'm not too exhausted by it all, perhaps do a more physical job around the house or walk.

In response to: Anger

Re: Anger

Excellent, very educational and informative.

In response to: Anger

Re: Anger

Question 3. Initially I was going to say that there are no signs, that anger and frustration just appear spontaneously, explosively and without warning in my life.

On second thought I realised that I become increasingly agitated and irritated, unable to sit still, lose focus on the task, object or person in front of me and can't concentrate. I may start leg tapping, jaw clenching, lip biting and looking around for a distraction or means to escape.

Physically, my muscles tense and I feel like I'm going to explode. If my anger and frustration are particularly intense my sight and hearing can be affected and I will dissociate. Afterwards I am completely exhausted on every level.

In response to: Re: Anger

Re: Anger

Question 3:

What are signs that anger and frustration are coming on? How does anger and frustration feel physically in your body?

For me, anger manifests with me clenching my teeth and fists. I feel heat bubbling inside me as though I would explode.

If I don't find ways to calm and self-soothe, I often do things I later regret.

In response to: Re: Anger

Re: Anger

Q 1. I most often feel

Frustrated

Aggressive

Humiliated

Violated

Betrayed

Disrespected

Ridiculed

Furious

Hostile

Q 2. My mood can go from calm to Anger in seconds. And then that Anger builds and builds.

It usually occurs due to injustices I feel and see in the world. And I also get Angry when people don't respond with outrage to these injustices like I do.

So things like DV, Women's Rights, Lack of proper/helpful mental health care, Refugee Rights, etc. Pretty much anything I think that is cruelty to other people. Especially the most vulnerable amongst us.

Q 3. I start feeling my jaw clench, I grind my teeth, my muscles get tight, i cannot sit, i have to get up and pace, i get teary, my face gets flushed with rage, I raise my voice, I often scream.

I also find that when I get so angry, that my brain fails me. As in, my memory falters so that I can't bring up statistics and facts about the issue. And that causes me further frustration.

I am working with my Psychologist to learn how to deal with my strong emotions. As I had been numb to most emotions for years and years. Now I feel, everything. My Mindfulness Teacher says I need to learn to sit with these feelings. Just sit and feel everything my body is feeling and to stay focused on those physical feelings, and to see if over a few minutes, those physical sensations start reducing. I haven't tried this tecnique yet. As I have noticed a particular person in my life who often triggers this anger in me, due to their lack of empathy in others. So I have been avoiding her when I am not strong, and I try and avoid those conversations with her.

I think part of my problem is that I don't have anyone in my life who shares the same passion as me about injustice towards the most needy. So I've never learnt to have healthy, robust conversations.

In response to: Re: Anger

Re: Anger

What are signs that anger and frustration are coming on? How does anger and frustration feel physically in your body?

My body gets tense, my neck and back feel tight.

i feel like i get fast heart rate and that i want to run as fast

i want to release my anger by either screaming, crying or punching something

sometimes the anger last for days and days and the intensity can stay for a little while too.

@cloudcore

In response to: Re: Anger

Re: Anger

Question 3:

What are signs that anger and frustration are coming on? How does anger and frustration feel physically in your body?

@cloudcore

I can feel it welling up inside me

my thoughts in my head goes 100 miles an hours , I then start sweating, getting teary heating up until I end up saying something or leaving

if I don`t say something , I will dream that I have yelled and acreamed at whatever upset me

after that I feel soo bad in my body and head for going off and and start putting me down

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