Bipolar and the COVID rollercoaster.....

Soooooo..... isn't this an especially effed up time to have a mental illness??
I have never posted on anything like this before, and truth be told I'm quite anxious about it.

But although all my friends and family tell me to reach out and that they are here for me, I can't escape knowing that whilst yes, everyone is struggling with lockdowns and all this crap, they don't understand how difficult this actually is for me. If every day, in my best times I have to fight the demons just to get up or get through work or not just sob for no reason, then this is just ......beyond.

Those things which bring me joy and balance me out (apart from the meds lol) have been taken away and in my job, (which I love, am great at and am very, very fortunate to be able to do in such a time) I am emotionally and professionally responsible for keeping 250 people motivated and going at this tough time so I... just have nothing left.
I am really struggling.

My fiancé is wonderful, but I feel so disconnected to everyone because their experience is so different to mine. I know everyone is finding this so hard and I feel myself just saying I’m fine because I don’t feel I should be carrying on about it. But I need to talk to people who can actually understand truely what this is like- someone who has a mental illness on top of the COVID crap.

I guess I just reached out to see if I could did someone who gets it to talk to. Not sure what will happen, but no harm trying hey?