Concerned about my behaviour

@Arizona

Hi Arizona,

Firstly I am so sorry for your experience of loss and sadness.

I too have abandonment issues. Both parents and half my siblings abandoned me and then people that I got close with over the years either left or died. I tend to enmesh with other people. I need them to stay in my life so badly that I push them away because I am too desperate. I don't know really why I do this, I just know that I really don't have any friends. I wish you luck in dealing with your issues into the future. Hopefully you can work it out with the help of your therapist.

Best wishes,

Meggle

Valuable insights. I can sense that you're engaging in a lot of positive intervention. With a lot of these things, the earlier you can recognise the signs, the better. Also important to be okay with having the smaller obstacles (before they get ... you know). It's ok to stumble and its ok to have regrets.

Sorry to hear that, thanks for sharing. Wish I could actually have a friend !

Hi @Arizona @Owen45 @wellwellwellnez @Oaktree ,

my father was in the Navy and we had to move every few years. A lot of people have come and gone in my life. Firstly, it is hard to make friends when people already have their set of friends they feel comfortable with. People have often told me I try to get close to quickly. I guess they think I am desperate and back off when I am just naturally friendly and open. Possibly too open, too quickly. People would know a lot about me in a short period of time because I just blurt out whatever I am thinking. I lack a certain filter. Other times, I keep quiet especially if I think I would say something contentious. Then they complain I am too quiet. Obviously there has to be a balance. When I was young I wanted to befriend everyone and many people let me know I am not for them. I learnt that not all people get along and now I prefer to be with others of my own type where I won't be gossiped about nor vilified. Only problem there is that they are more my parents age than mine and many friends are dying at that age. Obviously I treasure their friendship but I'm afraid in the not too distant future I will have no friends. But who knows, maybe I will meet some more I have an affinity with. In a long winded way I am trying to say you probably have not met enough people you jell with but they are out there. Try not to get to discouraged by the loss of some. They weren't for you but you probably will meet some other like minded people in the future.

lost9

@Arizona

Sometimes obssessions may strain or make relationships more difficult, but then again interpersonal authenticity involves some level of revealing our attitudes, preoccupations and passions. There is implicit risk in sharing.

Friendship is a great mystery to me, and I am fairly low in confidence about it.

Success seems to be about compatibility, or timing, and not just the things we feel and do within the friendship.

This weekend I received 2 calls from people whom I had given up hope in, and am glad we are back on some track. Wish something I say could make it easier.

Glad you received lots of great responses from @Lost9 @Oaktree @wellwellwellnez @Owen45

Take Care

Apple

Hi @Appleblossom @Lost9 @Owen45 @wellwellwellnez and @Oaktree

Thank you very much for your replies. They are very helpful. I'm sorry I haven't replied yet. I have been feeling very depressed today. I will come back and reply soon.

Thanks Appleblossum, you are lucky to receive calls from people. Unfortunately I don't receive any calls. Anyhow, that's life. Regards, Owen.

That's Ok, thanks Arizona for your reply.

Regards, Owen

I'm totally the same @Owen45 . People be like, "I'm so sad because I just had a break-up". And they're sad. and they should be.

But, still like "How nice for you to get together in the first place. What's your secret?"

Don't get me started on people talking about their financial worries. "You have FINANCE!?! Why aren't you just buying happiness then?"

I'm still too depressed to reply properly, but I will say this...

I think the problem is I get to know people too fast without waiting to find out if they're going to be a good friend or trustworthy. So I guess what I have learned from this is I need to get to know people before opening myself up to them.