Hi @Lise07 ,
I hope you're safe for tonight?
Lockdown sure does complicate things, and you're not alone in finding it to be a massive struggle to look after yourself when the very thing you need is what is unavailable.
I know you say helplines wouldn't work because you don't necessarily want to talk - what about if someone was to talk to you without you really needing to respond? I can imagine it is didfficult to even communicate in moments like this, so what if you called someone and just said 'I need to feel like I'm not alone, but I can't really talk right now. Can you just sit with me for a bit?' or even 'Can you tell me a story?'
Even if you do only get five minutes, you are still five minutes closer to your mind and body coming back down from your heightened emotional state. There are a bunch of different numbers to try, so even if the first one doesn't help, you can try the next:
Lifeline: 13 11 14 or Crisis Chat
Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467 or online counselling
Samaritans: 135 247
If in immediate danger: 000
There are also non-crisis lines, which may be able to offer a bit more time and space for you - I know the SANE Help Centre would be a good option here. You could also connect to our chat service, and again just express you are having difficulty communicating but don't want to be alone. You could also try Friendline, have a look at the Big Feels Club, or this new one that has popped up in the wake of COVID called Crisis Heroes.
Even just jumping onto the forums and asking our members to come and sit with you virtually might make a difference - knowing you can come back every ten minutes or so and read through replies or others' stories.
You could also go to a public park or for a walk down a busy street where people are moving between places if you felt safe to do so. There's no law that says you aren't allowed to spend some time wandering up and down the aisles of your local grocery store if it means you feel safe - you may have to pretend to be perplexed by which cereal you would like to buy, but for a time you would be with others. If anyone pulled you up, you could say you're just people-watching I suppose... just throwing ideas around at this point.
Good on you for talking about this. I hope you find some strategies that help, and if you do we would love to hear about them 
Take care of yourself 