Lost control over my mind

Hey @Lost9 , I'm really sorry that you're experiencing such difficult and overwhelming things. I think sometimes our bodies can react in unexpected ways, ways that may not feel like they match what is happening in our minds. The mind/body relationship is a pretty strange one at times. It would also be pretty scary to feel like you're being targeted or sabotaged. Do you have anyone in your life who doesn't cause you to feel like this, someone you feel safe with?

Thanks @Jynx . Yes I live with my parents and they are supportive. The mind- body thing I have had for around 20 years. It was just a bad day and I wondered if others had the same proble. Thanks for your reply.

lost9

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@Lost9 wrote:

Today was a bad day. I spent most of it in tears. It didn't really match my thoughts. I might think something negative for the briefest second and then ai would cry for ages when my thoughts went onto other more positive. things For many years I have felt like a group of people in the community have control over my mind. What I think doesn't seem to respond to my actions. I have tried distracting myself but it doesn't necessarily work. I feel these people sabotage whatever I do because if I am down or have made a mistake they make me cry heartily. The crying seems way out of balance to what I am thinking or my personality and how I would have reacted not the overacted response they give me. I could go into further details but I will leave it there for the moment. Is any one else having the same trouble?

lost9

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@Lost9 wrote:

Today was a bad day. I spent most of it in tears. It didn't really match my thoughts. I might think something negative for the briefest second and then ai would cry for ages when my thoughts went onto other more positive. things For many years I have felt like a group of people in the community have control over my mind. What I think doesn't seem to respond to my actions. I have tried distracting myself but it doesn't necessarily work. I feel these people sabotage whatever I do because if I am down or have made a mistake they make me cry heartily. The crying seems way out of balance to what I am thinking or my personality and how I would have reacted not the overacted response they give me. I could go into further details but I will leave it there for the moment. Is any one else having the same trouble?

lost9

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Crying can sometimes be a huge release.

I personally don't like the phrase 'over-reaction' much. I think there are always underlying pressures and explanations for our actions. It's kind of like a chain where if we only notice the first link that set us off, we aren't getting the full picture of all of the events and stresssors that build up.

Holding space @Lost9 @Jaz0
- periwinklepixie

I am stood down from my job at Airport until lockdown ends, here in isolation at home. Yes, certainly a time for tears and stress.

Hi @Owen45 ,

I experienced being stood down last year with my job, I can understand your stress and tears. Here with you.

from cloudcore

Hello @Lost9

We have 'spoken' before and from that time, I believe that we have some empathy and understanding of each other's position. It is certainly difficult when we feel and think that our responses and reactions are not consistent, and contrast significantly with the position or circumstances that we are in and are experiencing at any given time. Today I was drawn to your post because I have been feeling somewhat down, and that is when the negative feelings seem to creep in

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I hope that you will be happy with me exploring my own similar feelings, as I am writing my response to you. You may or may not think that there are correlations between my experiences and yours. I would be interested to know your thoughts.

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Sometimes, I feel, or think, that people, either individuals, or members of specific groups or organisations, think poorly of me. Maybe that thought is an internally generated one for me, and within me. It is possible that I am projecting, on to other people, my own thoughts and feelings of dissatisfaction with my self perceived sense of place and purpose. For the most part, I believe that people accept me for who I am, when I am in their company. The negative feelings are, what I refer to as 'self based feelings', meaning the feelings are inside me and not necessarily a feeling that comes, or is generated by, or from, any overt action or attitude toward me by others, or words addressed to me. The feelings are internal to me and are very possibly, and likely to be, self generated by and in my own mind. I normally have these perceptions of rejection when I am on my own, which is most of the time. However, I am sure that these thoughts and feelings are quite likely to occur when in company, even family or friends, particularly when we feel unsettled for any reason.

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I have taken steps to get myself out into community activities, in order to both enjoy the company of others and as a counter, or defence against these negative and self critical feelings that I sometimes have. However, even when I began going out and participating in community activities, I found it quite difficult to overcome the initial fears associated with 'crossing that bridge' into active participation.

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These feelings can sometimes be compounded, or added to, by returning feelings of grief among other 'feeling generators'.

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Interestingly, my negative feelings and self-perception reduced as I improved and completed, by my own effort and attention, sometimes quite mundane things, like getting finances in order, that I needed to do, and addressing other issues that I needed to face.

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I take medication for depression, and believe that the medication is a modifier, that reduces peak heights and the depth of the troughs, using a wave to describe feelings. Consequently, I still have some ups and downs, but at least there is structure to my experience without the extremes of melancholy and the opposite of exaggeratedly heightened enthusiasm.

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I would be keen to know whether any of these ideas connect for you, @Lost9

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With My Very Best Wishes

@HenryX

@Lost9

In 'normal' psychology they talk about boundaries and interdependence. I have known lots of people who have struggled in that way. I sometimes wonder if the kind you are talking about is on a spectrum, maybe made more extreme by trauma or isolation ...

I have tended towards porous interpersonal boundaries, although now I have more external structures protecting me, I may be slowly gaining confidence in setting firmer boundaries on other people ....

Glad others have responded.

@cloudcore @HenryX

Take Care Lost9

Hi @Appleblossom @HenryX @cloudcore @Owen45 @Former-Member

Thank you for your replies. I guess, being upset, I didn't make myself clear. I have been diagnosed with schizophrenia as well as major depression. The people I was referring to are the voices I hear in my head. They seem real people to me but "normal" people consider it to be an illness. I have taken many types of medication and large quantities but it is only partially effective. I am either paranoid or I guess some people would consider it a conspiracy theory. As I can't prove anything I guess we will have to assume it is the illness talking. There is a theory going around that people should learn to get along with their voices. As I consider them to be abusive, I find that very difficult.

Yes Henry's I have had years of depression. The medication that was working is losing its effect. I asked my psychiatrist but I cannot increase it any further. I have over the years attended groups for people with disabilities and social groups in the community but the paranoia took over and I was constantly upset so I stopped doing that in order to recover. I still try to distract myself with hobbies as well as other chores and remain in contact with my brother and his family and a ciouple of friend I have known for years. I guess what I was really writing about is when what I am thinking doesn't coordinate with my body's reaction. For example crying when I have nothing to be crying about and not thinking anything negative.

Thanks again everyone for your support.

lost9

Hey @Lost9 - I just wanted to link you to a resource that I have heard others find helpful for coping with hearing voices, here. Maybe it's all stuff you've seen before, maybe there's something new in there. If 'getting along' with the voices is not the right thing for you because it would go against your values, then that is fair! Everyone is different.

In regards to crying when nothing to cry about - crying doesn't always have to be a response to sadness or negativity. As far as I know, crying is the body's way of releasing something; like stress and overwhelm. Our bodies also release cortisol and adrenaline through our tears, which is why we often feel relief after having a big cry. This may or may not help you to make sense of what is happening for you, and it might be something worth seeking some professional insight over if you're really concerned.