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Lonely and losing all hope.

king_alvarezNew Contributor17 Aug 2021, 10:46 am AEST

Lonely and losing all hope.

Hello,

This is my first post to these forums.

I have been living with major depression and anxiety for the last 10-15 years. Even as I write this I'm struggling to get my thoughts in order so I'll do my best.

I have not seen my partner for 591 days. My partner lives overseas and because of COVID, I am unable to leave Australia and I'm also unable to enter their country because of border restrictions. I used to live in my partner's country for about 2 years but in late 2019 I returned to Australia to work and save some more money to be able to return to their country. But then, COVID happened.

Because of the current lockdowns in NSW, I've been working from home for 8 weeks. I sit in a room by myself and stare at a computer screen. All of my close friends live further than 10km away. I live at home with my parents. My parents are fantastic but I really have no other contact with people my own age on a daily basis except for through a computer at work or via messaging apps with my friends.

My only outlet is a Saturday round of golf with my father. It gets me out of the house for 4-5 hours and gets my mind off the struggles that I face every day.

I feel disconnected from my work. I feel disconnected from others. I have lost all motivations. I struggle to laugh. I am lonely. I struggle to get out of bed each day. I even struggle to hold down conversations. I speak to my partner each night on the phone. It's the only contact we have now.

All my friends have partners and/or families who they live with. All my work colleagues seem to have partners that they live with. They at least have a life away from all the crap that is going on in the world. But I don't. All I have is a phone call each night.

Every day I read the news hoping that there's something positive in it, but there never is. They say the definition of madness is doing the same thing and expecting a different result. That's exactly how I feel now. I feel as if I'm going mad.

I have been fully vaccinated. I want to be able to get on a plane and get out of here so I can be with my partner. But I can't. I've really started to lose all hope.

I don't really know what I'm expecting from posting this. I guess I just feel that I needed to get it off my chest and share it.

Thank you for reading.

4 replies

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In response to: Lonely and losing all hope.

wellwellwellnezSenior Contributor17 Aug 2021, 12:42 pm AEST

Re: Lonely and losing all hope.

591 days. That's a lot of fingers and toes. I feel for you both. I really do.

I recently saw a self-help post that argued for adaption vs endurance, when it comes to covid. It's kind of helped. Got me using online resources more interractively, at least. Of course in ways, that kind of engagement also tends to make me nostalgic of less isolated times. So it only kind of helps a bit but every bit counts these days.

In response to: Lonely and losing all hope.

SnowieSenior Contributor17 Aug 2021, 1:55 pm AEST

Re: Lonely and losing all hope.

Hi @king_alvarez

Welcome to the SANE forums.

It sounds like you are going through so much at the moment and not being able to see your partner must be super difficult.

I hope you find some support here. I also hope that writing it down and getting it off your chest has been helpful for you.

Take care

In response to: Lonely and losing all hope.

Unknown userMember17 Aug 2021, 4:05 pm AEST

Re: Lonely and losing all hope.

Welcome to the forums @king_alvarez

Wow. That's a long time to be seperated from your partner. I can't even imagine how difficult that must be.

I can really hear your frustration and I empathise with your itchy feet.

I also know how difficult it can be feeling connected through a screen but the Forums are a great place for that. 🙂

I know this may sound a tad trivial but one of the strange side effects of the pandemic has been all of the innovative ways app designers etc have come up with for us to connect online. Recently I tried a digital Escape room with some of my friends. Which was a great way to feel like we were all in this. together.

My best friend and I also do a digital brunch every two weeks where we wear silky pyjamas and order smashed avo! 😛 Maybe you could try something like this to feel more connected to your partner or your friends in these truly difficult times?

Also keen to hear others creative ideas for feeling connected through a screen to those who are far away!

All the best
-periwinklepixie

In response to: Lonely and losing all hope.

frogSenior Contributor17 Aug 2021, 6:57 pm AEST

Re: Lonely and losing all hope.

Hi @king_alvarez I just wanted to let you know that I read your post.

I feel very sad for you. That is such a difficult situation. We are really not made for the sustained stress of the pandemic, and separation. I hope you feel able to express some of the struggles here. There are people who understand and listen.

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