Hello @Judus
and
@Dimity, @Shaz51
I have written out the content of your last three posts, @Judus , in the way that I have understood your meaning. Would you mind reading through them, please, and let me know if what I have written accurately reflects what you have said and meant, at each of the times that you wrote those posts. The writing in brackets, in blue, are words that I have included, that hopefully, express your meaning. If I have written anything that you feel is different from what you had intended, please let me know, so that I can correct the details. I hope that I have accurately expressed and reflected your written thoughts. You will help me to better understand your situation by letting me know your feelings and thoughts about what I have written.
As a general comment, I can say that the up and down experiences of feelings, mood and thoughts are very common among people on this forum site, as you have probably become aware from various comments. I believe that many people, and I, on the forum, are able to understand and relate their own stories of those cyclic, up and down experiences. I guess, in this way, I am very much saying that “you are not alone”. That thought may not be very reassuring when we are at our lowest and worst, but when we feel better, it can often help to keep our “heads above water” for a little longer.
In another post, I added a comment about my experience many years ago, that I clearly recall, about sitting on the doorstep where I lived at the time, during a time of extremely low feelings, and thinking, “these feelings will pass, all I have to do is get through this experience and through to the other side”.
Looking forward to your reply
With My Very Best Wishes
@HenryX
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@Judus 06 Sep 2021 06:38 AM
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Ok! Here's my latest update. Because family were very worried about me (and my state of health), I have moved back home. (I believe that) the medicines that I had been prescribed were the wrong ones and seemed to make me feel worse. So, I have stopped taking them. Everything seems to be sorted out and under control, (after a long period of distress, anxiety and disorder.)
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My mind appears to have settled, and I feel as though I am back to what seems normal to me. My family are really happy to see that person, the old me, back again. They haven't seen me so well in a long time. I have not been happy for a long time, but can now say that I feel happy.
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I am seeing a new doctor and a new health care plan has been prepared. The intention is to get me back “on track” and to keep me on track.
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This note is just to let you know that I am well. Everything looks good for the (immediate) future.
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Thank you all, for the help and support that everyone here has offered. I do believe that I would have had significantly greater difficulty getting through this period without your help.
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Once again, my (sincere appreciation) and thanks to all who have offered assistance. I wish blessings for you all.
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Judas
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@Judus 26 Sep 2021 Yesterday
Sorry, I do not know how to make a new post. Also, that it has been a while since my last post. My life seems to have reversed and taken a complete 1800 turn. I hate how it feels right now. I'm living with family and that makes it harder to get what I need to maintain normality. To see my kids, who mean everything to me. Without them I feel as though I have nothing.
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Life feels like hell at the moment. Recently, I have felt so high and exhilarated. It seems crazy, because everything should be perfect. My car is repaired and operational, all debts have been paid. Everything seems as though it is how it should be. But my mind seems to be working (in overdrive), at full steam. However, I feel as though I am coming down from that exhilarated, fast paced experience to a hard, deep, unpleasant feeling.
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My therapist has told me to slow down, but I have tried and don't seem to be able to, (when I'm feeling and experiencing that high accelerated feeling). The therapist told me that I need to speak with the top psychologist in the state, for that person to tell me what the problem is and the reasons for my (up and down, roller-coaster) state of mind. To tell me where and why my mind is not functioning in the way I want it to, or think that it should be working.
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This last week, I have felt as though I have been rolling backwards down the hill (that I seemed to be on top of a few weeks ago)
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All my debts are paid up, my car is mobile and running the way it should, and I'm in a new house, There seems to be a huge contrast and difference between the way that I think that I should be feeling, and the way that I actually feel. It seems crazy how life gets so twisted up. This is the fifth time that these changes of feelings have occurred. It was the first time I spoke out before, but could not say everything because of the rules and guidelines of this site, (that I understand are for the protection of all members).
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I really shouldn't be here. You all saved my life. But now I've come down hard again. I don't believe that I am ready for it (a close and significant relationship, that is). A woman has fallen in love with me. She knows everything (about where I am at and the recent past mental health difficulties), I am not hiding anything anymore. I'm letting people know where I am at and how I feel.
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But, I am really down at the moment, even though (it may seem, from other people's view and perspective,) that my life is (should be) running like a dream.
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Is it possible (to experience such high levels of anxiety, stress and despair) when everything seems as if it is going right in my life. Despite the fact that everything in my life seems, to other people, to be going well, they are dumbfounded that I do not seem to be going well internally.
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Anyway, I'm still here, “crazy” as ever, and I just seem to be adding more of the crazy feelings into my life.
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Love you all and thanks.
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@Judus 26 Sep 2021 Yesterday
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I am listening to my favourite singer, “Jelly Roll”. The words of his songs talk about feeling down and depressed. I can identify with the words and sentiments of his songs. I think hard about the words of his songs and the words that you people (on this forum site) say to me.
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I am still here, and for that I say “thank you”. Because of what I have done (and what I have experienced) in the last few months, I shouldn't be here. You gave me the amazing strength to pull through it all. I am a long way from (where I would like to be). I still (have the feeling) of wanting out. But thanks to you, I still have the strength to fight again. Bless you all and the ones (other people) who stand with me in life.
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My words are open (to all). Allow everything that you trust in your heart. Use what you know and let people help.
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@Judus, In writing these posts I hope that I have understood and reflected what you have been thinking and feeling, as expressed in your posts. I hope that we can 'talk' more in the future.
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With Very Best Wishes
@HenryX
