Family gaslighting?

Hey @JoBlo

That would be a yes, people under the influence can be manipulated easier, look at the stupid stuff that has been done under the guise of alcohol. ... But I guess the more important question is, what are their concerns and do you share those concerns?

Hi, thanks for your thoughts

I assume their concerns are for me, my welfare (or perhaps theirs, their issue? roundbout way?). Good intentions tho, yes. We normal average close middle class family but never ever really 'talked' about any 'difficult' issues, if you get my drift. Dad asked me once go see a shrink, I said no. I don't see I have a problem and I find it bit absurd that I'm told I do have. When it comes to me it appears my family are acting like they know it all. Without even asking me how I feel !!

Via text message i asked my sister once on something she once did/said to me and she gave me bogus (it was) answer, when I told her as much she reiterated i go see a Doc. When I have tried initiate some other discourse and asked family on some our past interactions (i reflect sensibly), they deny it or i get the "i can't remember" or even had "if you say so" (on something that was so blatant). I can go into specific examples but generalising Ive seen some things (no matter what state I'm in/was in/upon reflection) where the narrative to me appears somewhat befuddled - like they lose control over it (as whole), like the agenda is overriding. Of course it's hard to see what is of any narrative agenda driven and what is not, and I make conscious effort to try discern as much as I can. I don't hunt for it; I can't help but feel my intuition is correct some extents. Some would probably think I'm even blind here (I don't want to see it !!)

When they have ever asked me questions about me Im honest, even when they don't ask me I offer some information. I would preferred some more discourse between ourselves (without Doc) than the route they perhaps potentially seeking. From the lack of it and the fact any the hard conversation has be all one way (theirs), there can be no doubt they dont accept my thinking here.

This is all over period last 6 or 7 years. To start off with I saw some hints, which I found bit absurd and condescending and it made me want to go harder - I told them such. They backed off here bit, then perhaps went for other methods and the gaslighting stuff perhaps. Some the stuff I've seen, things they said to me, is bit upsetting. I told them once towards beginning they should be careful how they proceed with me, I do have some principles.

I'm well read, half intelligent but arguably immature, employed. I don't suffer any victimhood, know some or all extents I brought all this on myself. Still, I find some their lying and deceit hard comprehend. Now it's point where I've told them to just leave me alone.

Guess I just curious, wanting any thoughts

Cheers for the explanation @JoBlo . I guess the first thing I want to say is that there seems to be some consistent concern for you from your family and from what you are saying, they don't really know how to address it with you, because as you said you are quite open about it and you are willing to take greater risks if they attempt to exert some control or concern.

Is it okay for you that your family don't feel comfortable talking about this topic? Do you have others in your friendship group who are quite open to talking about it? Do you still live with your family?

Hi @JoBlo

I can't comment on your situation, every situation is unique. I will tell you a story.

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away I was married to wonderful, intelligent, sensitive and successful man. Over a period of about 5 years he became, in my opinion, quite profoundly depressed. He became totally disengaged from the children and I and pretty much shut down except for going to work.

I spent a year trying to gently encourage him to get help. He kept insisting I was the one with the problem. I then gave him an ultimatum. I said "I give you a year to seek help, not to be cured but to at least start the process". Again, he saw his behaviour as perfectly normal and I was "mental", perhaps I needed help.

Two years after that, I left. I said "you are not well, you need help, please get help. I want to be with you but I can't parent alone with you in the same house any more". This is now about 10 years after I first believed things were starting to go pear shaped.

Because I'd walked out, he went to see someone to shut me up and prove he was fine. He wasn't fine. He got fine, and six months later moved in with someone else.

I stress again, that I cannot in any way comment on your situation, but I can say that, from personal experience, someone can think they're fine when they're not.

Hi AussieRecharger

Thanks for that - seeing a summarise (not sure if correct wording) and from another. Along with that i find this "Is it okay for you that your family don't feel comfortable talking about this topic?" a perhaps particularly pertinent question for me and one for me to ponder more. It has offshoots too. Ta.

No I don't live at home. I should clarify my position bit more for you or anyone else. I'm early 40's and could say I'm a bit of a nihilistic? drifter. Lazy, happy (general disposition, free of pain) and content. I do tend to just live in the moment where time can be a foreign concept to me (tho time is starting to become more important to me). I guess this could all be misconstrued for some apathy (not in the philosophical/political sense where I have an interest). Or not. I guess some will argue if my goals and purpose in life is just to live and bear witness, I have a problem

@JoBlo

Everybody lives life differently and while others might want the best for us sometimes their best is not what we want. I would say it's better to keep searching for the right path rather than standing still and observing others.. after all, the best lives lived are the ones that are lived to provide a better future for others whatever that means to each of us.

Rather than doing it for them, go and have a chat with someone for you? Just to give yourself peace of mind, and besides, you never know who you will meet on that journey either.

Hi SJT63

Thanks for the input. Just been reading some other posts on this site about others and yeah, ok, I guess argument can be made it's not all just ones own perspective, subjective. I will think about it what you have said - maybe I'm not fine (or maybe I'm fine but I could still look at making some changes). I can't see it at the moment but then again perhaps im blind. I would never totally rule out going see Doc and I somewhat feel for my family in any way what I'm potentially putting them through (tho their issue perhaps, bit harsh maybe). I wouldn't think I'm too much of a burden in conventional sense but maybe I give them some worry sometimes. Maybe I shouldn't be too dismissive. Perhaps I could contemplate more here.

Thanks for your thoughts

P. S - I didn't know whether to laugh or cry on husband getting fine and moving in with someone else. Sorry

Yeah, hear you Aussie Recharger. If possible whenever suits and if you think still somewhat relevant to my situation can you please elaborate on what you mean by "that would be a yes" to my original question?

Appreciate the thoughts tho of all and in advance as well. Any type thoughts is good.

But perhaps getting back to my original question if anyone has any thoughts on family pushing someone go see Doc. And specifically family using a conniving premeditated agenda, and to what extents (subtlety, minimally or otherwise), either using one's (any) dissonanace that they possess or trying manufacture, exaggerate, capitalise on ones any (potential) anxiety (amphetamine?) to make them go see Doc. I'm very interested in any thoughts one might have here. I am seeing a few things (subtley, over years mind you) that doesn't look correct and would like to know if possible if it at all happens.

There is no time limit on reply from my perspective

@JoBlo That would be a yes that people can gaslight and manipulate people to get them to question their drug use in hopes of getting them off a destructive pattern of drug use. Hell, I have seen it so many times by family and friends and sometimes it worked, other times it destoryed the relationship and that person went harder down the drug path, and that never had good outcomes for anyone.

I have seen friends and family go to jail, and I have seen friends and family not go to jail but end up much much worse (drug induces brain damage). As teenagers, we hung out and had the best times, 20 years on now, I wish they got off the drugs a long time ago. I miss those people and what the drugs did to them, their relationships, their life. They had awesome potential, I would have loved my kids to meet who they could have been but now my kids see them as a warning of what drugs can do to your brain and how much people are willing to put drugs above relationships with family, friends, and bringing happiness and joy to others lives.

Hey AussieRecharger

Sounds personal, appreciate reply. I guess more important question is, am I grateful?

#scepticism

#fromritztotherubble

#stillplaying/runawaytrainthemovie