Dealing with delusions

Hi @Syfer I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. My husband is diagnosed with a few different mental illnesses to yours but it looks like the partner's experience is very similar for both of us. Except mine has gone down a darker track that I hope you can still avoid and prevent.

My husband is on medication too, and has been regularly seeing a psychologist and psychiatrist but there's been no improvement. In fact, it has gotten worse in the last 6 months where he also has been more deluded than anytime in the past. He recently requested a divorce, and soon afterwards I found out it was because he was having an online affair with someone across the world who he felt sorry for because she can't have kids, and he somehow thinks sharing our kids with her is a way of helping her, not seeing how that takes them away from their real and biological mother who already loves them very much, and also being dismissive of how over the past 5 years since his illness began, I've been beside him through it all. I have two young kids, primary school aged.

ive been the income earner over the last five years too to let him heal but he wasn't appreciative of this. Despite all the major things I've done for him, he could only see my little flaws which he has criticised and nit picked me on. The most hurtful part is that he would rather listen to the voice in his head that tells him I'm the enemy than trust that I've always loved him and always tried to do my best for him. Even though I feel so betrayed I'm the same as you, waiting for my husband to return. I know what his presence feels like, and what he is right now feels like he's inhabited by a monster.

im glad to hear you are getting therapy yourself as it helps clarify and keeps you grounded in reality. Looking back, I wish I had looked after myself sooner. I'm still clinging onto hope that my marriage can still be saved. Each day I pray for the spirit of adultery and lawlessness to leave my household. And I've since discovered there were things I should have done for him beforehand that could have helped him trust me more. We are so busy working that sometimes what they need from us is the emotional connection, but we have to do it their way. Sex and touch are very physical, practical ways of rebuilding a connection. Nice, encouraging words (not my strength, unfortunately) will also help the more fragile and delusional to trust you more. Physical time spent together, talking or watching movies or any other activity together, will also help draw him away from delusion land.
When things feel too tough, don't be scared to bring it to the feet of God, who will take over from you when you're exhausted and reached your tether. All the best, my prayers are with you.

Thank you for sharing your experience. That sounds rough. It's so difficult to live with it knowing who they are and what their delusions are transforming them into.

And the lack of appreciation for all we do for them. I don't know about your husband, but mine likes to exaggerate the help he has given without realising all the pieces I've had to pick up along the way. His "help" has caused so much extra stress. Yet wants to be seen as a hero in our story.

Im trying to be more loving. It's difficult. I'm avoiding sex due to my own trauma and issues. I guess I just have to find the last bit of strength in me to at least be more affectionate. The lack of sleep doesn't help. Youngest still doesn't sleep through.

I hope your husband returns back into his body one day. I've heard it gets worse before it gets better. But I'm yet to hear a happy ending. Hopefully someone can share an experience when they got their partner back.

Hey @Syfer I didn't realise how young your youngest is until you said they still don't sleep through the night. I think at this stage, it's more important for you to be the mother rather than the wife and to make sure you get the support you need. Do you have family members on both sides that can help with either looking after the kids or your husband?

It is really difficult to do anything when you haven't gotten enough sleep. I'm normally a good sleeper but since my relationship breakdown I was getting one hour to four hours per night in the first three weeks until I used meditation. Not as good as sleep but is a decent work around and provides almost as much benefits as sleep. Something you'd only be able to do once the kids all fall asleep though.

I can definitely relate to the help exaggeration. He will help out with my daughter one day out of three weeks but to hear him say it, it's as if he does it every day. And I can't really point out the truth because it would just make him feel worse???

I can't help but feel that you might be as lonely as I remember being. My husband was diagnosed five years ago and until recently, I kept it all quiet and didn't really tell my friends about how difficult it was. I think that is one thing I'd do differently, I should have shared what I was going through with a good friend.

Yeah I think sleep is a big factor. I'm craving a full night sleep so bad!

At the moment only have partners family and they aren't always available and also partner has some paranoia about them. I had a fall out with my own family. There's mental illness there too and I just can't deal with that at the moment.

I can't even imagine dealing with this stuff for five years! Yikes, what a journey that must be! And no improvement?? How can you cope for that long? It sounds exhausting!

I think the loneliest times I feel is when it's just him and I, and he is having hurtful delusions. It's like my partner has died and I'm stuck with a twisted programmed version of him stuck in his body. I mourn him when he has a bad day.