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Something’s not right

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There's been a lot going on in in my head this week. I don't know what I want anymore, if anything. I feel guilty being on the forums, i think because while I don't feel like I'm fixable I still want connections and support. But maybe that's selfish of me. And as it would appear, is not the purpose of the forums. I know I can look too far into things, paranoia/poopy brain issues do that. But I've been feeling like i shouldn't be here on the forums anymore. And i can't tell if it's in my head or not. I know I break a lot of guidelines here and i guess that just goes hand in hand with the things i need to talk about. Which makes it difficult.

I feel like I'm at a point where there's not a lot i can do to help or change things. I don't mean to get on here and post useless things like this. But i guess it's a coping method. Like journaling but with validation.

very fu*king depressed but I don't feel hopeful of change. I don't have a desire to do anything to improve my current situation. I dont want to call helplines or anything. I can't. It's hard enough talking to my psychologist at times. It's at a point where every option feels ultimately pointless. And all of that makes me think I shouldn't be on the forums. Like im doing something wrong. And maybe i am. Maybe it's not fair for someone who feels this hopeless to get on here and wallow when there's people on here who want to climb out of the darkness. Maybe I'm a hinderance.

Im processing a lot atm. Mainly the ugliness of the other night with one of the worst conversations I've had with my ex. Feel like little by little my spirit has been getting broken this year. I logically know a lot of what my ex said is bullshit--or at least one sided. But I guess maybe, it wasn't all bullshit. It wasn't nice, fair, or reasonable, but true...

I haven't ever been very capable at life. Big or small things. I have spent a lot of time struggling with my mental health. It's gotten in the way of living a normal life.

With work, I can fall back on my small business--but it's not a steady income as it's dependent on my level of motivation. It has the potential to grow and become more than it is, but I'm not capable of doing that right now. My inability to bring in big bucks was apprently on the list of reasons why my ex left me. One of my fears realised.

Not being proactive enough regarding household chores--yes I'm terrible at it. There's no good excuse, I'm lazy. I find it a task to do anything really. If i can muster up some motivation I want to put that into time with my kid or getting work done. Another fear realised.

And of course the big one, sex. I wish it was simple for me, but it's not. I feel like i tried explaining things as best I could, and we hd many many uncomfortable talks about it all. Horrible talks. Soul crushing talks. Talks that made me feel inadequate. Talks that make me think I'm only worthy if i make a decent wage and can perform on command.

These are all things that i hate about myself and they're where I'm vulnerable. Having not one of these things but all of them thrown at me has been rough. I know though, I know it was all warranted. Wasn't fun to hear but it is truthful. Doesn't address any of the flaws my ex has or the reasons why I am the way I am, but I guess what it boils down to is that didn't matter to her.

Ive been working on my communication over these past few years, and I have changed a lot. Anger doesn't control me--at least not all the time. I can have conversations, I can feel anger and not act on it, I can listen. But I'm still me. I'm still depressed. And that's just not going to change. The things that attribute to my shitty mental health aren't things I feel I can overcome. Best case scenario I manage to get by and have more days out of bed than in it. But it's not enough is it? I am not enough. And I never have been. I know that, I've always known that. But hearing those are all the reasons why my ex is gone hurts. But maybe that's justified.

Im really battling it out in my head. I feel worthless. Useless. Unlovable. And not just because of my ex, it's everything in my life. I feel like I'm getting pushed to the edge, and I used to fight it, I used to want to fight it. But i feel emptiness like I've never felt before. It hurts. Alot. I'm screwed up, I know that, but it hurts so much more having it thrown in my face. I'm useless. Broken beyond repair.

I want to take my life. I've been going over it a lot this week. Told myself that today would be the day since I'm on my own tonight. Have gone over how I'd do it and figured out a plan so I'm not lying around here for my son to find me. I have it worked out, I could do it, so what's stopping me? My son. Every time I think about going through with it he pops into my head.

I know I'm not a prize. I know I'm better off alone. I know I'm no good in relationships. But I know my son doesn't need me to be any of those things. And that's all that should matter. My son just needs me to be here. And I tell myself that but then I find ways around it, asking myself what kind of example my life sets for him? What will he become because of me? What if I let him down? What if choosing to survive means i continue to drown and get to a point where my suffering befomes his own? And I think people are quick to dismiss these questions, but they're real. Some kids are better off without their real parents. Some kids become irreparably screwed up thanks to their parents. So I'm left asking myself which choice will inflict the least amount of damage?

I haven't made it out of bed yet. Told myself I'd go to the bottle shop, get something nice, and just see where the night goes. I kind of know where it's going if I follow that path. But maybe that's the real reason I'm still in bed, to keep myself safe. But why? I don't know. I'm afraid of the damage it will cause my son. But I don't know for certain if staying alive is going to cause any less damage in the long run. I think about the things that happened to me and particularly about the abuse my brother and I suffered through from our mother. I think about the person I could be now if it weren't for her. I think about it a lot. And it's a big factor for me to weigh in.

I don't expect anyone to have answers or a response here. But I'm sad, alone, just need to be heard I guess.

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It's ok @saltandpepper i think I'll stay away yonight. I'm too scared of the future.
not too good tonight. I'm sorry. I'll chat tomorrow. Xxx

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Take care @saltandpepper

You have been through the mill...

No judgements....no expectations...no long responses(very hard for me)

You love your son....as clear as anything can be...

keep on looking after you....loving time with your son and talking about all of that with each other...so good for you both...

be gentle with yourself as the emotions arise....human....

new person on scene..let them get on with it and deal with their own new issues....has nothing to do with comparison with you...

Past female is feeding your guilt...knows your achilles heel.,,practise seeing it for what it is and the emotion side will go away on it's own.

smiling is good....when contact is necessary....

bye is even better as the door closes behind them...

your life is already improving....look at all of your friends...

take care

Sophia 1

have a peaceful night if you can

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Thank you @Sophia1 you're a gem 💎

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Dear @saltandpepper ,

i first read this two days ago and felt very moved, so moved I could not at first reply , I don’t want to say the wrong thing here, it is important, everything you have said is important.

You are a great person, and deserve a life with your son, as he deserves you. I have sons, their father died when they were young, they would give the world to have him back, for all his faults, and believe me some were huge.

it is not time for you to die. You have a light and a responsibility. Your son.

The Ex well, bitter people are most angry and bitter at themselves. If that is how she makes you feel, try to imagine what it is like inside her head. Much worse. Forget about her and the new partner, that is not your responsibility.

take a little bit of charge for yourself and your son. You talk about your household chores, do it , just something, so that it is more pleasant for your son. Just one thing a week

does he come to you a lot,

what she she says is just in her head, it may be fair or unfair, who cares, it is over if it was all about money or earning and sex, well that tells you enough about her values. I am sure the relationship didn’t start out that way, they don’t, but just have the necessary contact you need to have to see your son and make habdovers as easy for him as possible.

i have watched my son for eight years in battle with a narcissistic and not so bright but cunning woman. They have a child who is now eight. The court goings on over his access have broken my heart. He is far from perfect but deserves his child and is the better parent. My granddaughter is disabled and a wonderful child but has been used as a weapon by her mother. This is so destructive for a child. The most important thing in your life is a child or children, not a partner, though when young that can feel not right.

Of course you desire to be valued and loved by another adult, but I. The end that doesn’t matter, but what you leave does, and what you leave is a child , So stay @saltandpepper ,

you show insight , intelligence and empathy. You are worthwhile.

love peri

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I really just don't want to be alive anymore. I don't. I know it's selfish. I know it's not fair. But it has a hold of me. This void inside of me, this empty vacuum that is both somehow hollow and all consuming. It wants me to let go. It's urging me to. And I want to. There's so much pain inside of me and it never stops. I want it to stop. I want to be done. I want it so fu*king badly.

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Hi @saltandpepper I have sent you an email checking in your safety, it has tough when things are painful and seem no way out, but it's important to follow your support plan and know that people care and you are important, plese let us know you are safe and what support you need. I sent the email 10 minutes ago 🙂

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Thinking of you this morning @saltandpepper

how are you? Xxxooo

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Regrettably still alive @BlueBay how r u

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@mufasa i dont know if my emails working. Have been having trouble with it the past week. Tried writing back but not sure if you'll get it. Anyway, yeah safe, son is here so kinda have to have my shit together

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Hi @saltandpepper

Thanks for writing back! Looks like your emails must not be working. Will make a note to look into it.

Glad to hear you're with your son and you're safe. Do you have any form of support around you?

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