Perinatal anxiety / depression in men ?

Hi @Mummoof2 ,

Thank you for reaching out. Despite many saying it 'should' be one of the most joyous times of your life, I know for a fact it's a life changer.

One child. You can handle. And if you can't, pass him/her to your other half.

Two children? They both want you. They both need you. Then there's only so much dad can do... it can be frustrating for anybody.

A second child is sooooo much more work than just having two of the first child. It seems like four times more work! Then on top of that, you are working.

I guess the reality of a second child doesn't hit until it actually happens. I guess it is about reassuring him that these feelings are normal, particularly during transition phases. No two babies are the same. Until you develop a routine and know their patterns, likes and dislikes, it's quite tough.

Perhaps your husband is questioning is own abilities and this is where the unease comes? I really can't say.

Reassurance and communication is essential.

All the best in your amazing role!

BPDSurvivor

Good morning @Mummoof2 ,

Congratulations on your second child! It is an exciting time having two young personalities in your care! I know its hard because your still recovering and your life is full of high needs demands. But you have two little souls in your home looking up at how awesome you and your husband are!

I do think men do experience post natal depression as the changes in the home does affect their moods. Maybe talk about going to the GP for both of you to set up a mental health plan as you both need some help in dealing with 2 children. This in turn will help him get some help for his depression.

In my experience when I was going through post natal depression I always thought my newborn hated me and in turn I would turn my back on him. I would walk away and not care for him but then feel guilty and feel so ashamed. It is a vicious cycle and the only way out is to talk about it and having a therapist helping you sort out what is the core of the problem.

Also talk to your midwives or baby nurse, they have some services that they can suggest that will help you dealing with the newborn. Always keep in contact with the services as they can assist you through these early times.

Please have a rest.. your no good if you don't recover after giving birth. I thought it was okay and I cant feel any pain. Its now 1.5 years and I'm struggling to walk or even clean the house as I have damage tissue from the Cesarean and no one can fix the damage.

Take care of yourself and its okay if your house is untidy or your child is making a mess, your a mum of 2 boys under 5 and your doing a great job.

Be kind to yourself. xx

Hello @Mummoof2

Congratulations on your new arrival, I remember that time so well, having a little toddler and a new baby. I'm in awe that you are working from home already!! Wow, that must be so incredibly demanding. I work from home too, and I know that even though I'm 'here' physically, that I am well and truly involved in work and I don't have too much time to duck out and see my family. Fortunately, I have a 14 yo at home, so he doesn't need me much (plus he's sick with a fatigue illness so sleeps most days until 2pm - as a baby I couldn't get him to sleep more than 1 hour at a time, seems he's making up for it now!!). How do you manage it?

I really feel for you to not have family you can call on for help. I had the same situation as you. I had to improvise and let friends/neighbours fill the gap. Do you have anyone you can call on for support?

Can fathers get post natal depression? Yes they can, for lots of different reasons. It's really important that both of you get support, and the suggestions from others, talk to your GP or your midwife/child and family nurse, is really important. Letting things continue and hoping they'll get better might not work. Getting support can take time. I'm not sure if you've heard of the Gidget Foundation? They specialise in supporting parents of newborns, and can help you and your partner to understand what might be happening. Having trouble bonding with a baby can be very distressing, and can lead to feelings of shame or inadequacy. Talking to someone who understands can help alleviate fears and anxiety a lot: www.gidgetfoundation.org.au

I hope that you and your partner can receive the support to feel well and be able to enjoy this time with your precious family.

Hello @Mummoof2 and welcome.

Quick flyby visit just to let you know there is a blog here which you might find invaluable...

Glad you found us hun take care 💕🙏

https://saneforums.org/t5/Forums-Blog/How-to-recognise-and-manage-perinatal-anxiety/ba-p/1048023

Hi @Mummoof2

Welcome and congratulations on the new bub.

I am a dad of 3 (5, 14 & 16)

The best advice I can give is keep communicating with your hubby and encouraging him. It sounds as though you are already doing this. And see if he is comfortable talking to a professional about it. I made the mistake of burying myself in work with our first 2 babies. All 3 babies arrived in the midst of a crisis.

For me encouragement and communicating would have made a world of difference. But also seeking and accepting help. For me I felt as though I had to be strong and getting help was a sign of weakness.

Hope this helps.