When sleep is my escape

Hi @rlec16 ,

In relation to you question, 'do everyone with bpd live like this?'....well i can't speak for everyone, but I can speak for myself.

I was diagnosed with BPD nearly 15 years ago. The emotional struggles were real. The loneliness was real. The dissociation was real. The depression was real.

Meds were a bandaid. They did not hit the root of the issue. The issue was my mindset and the habits I had developed in order to survive as a young adult.

Through much therapy and hard work, I now live very successfully and contentedly. I no longer feel loneliness, nor do I feel disconnected from life. Although I'm still on low doses of medication, I am gradually reducing my meds with the hope of coming off them completely.

I don't think you mentioned BPD in your initial post. Do you think BPD is where most of your struggles lie?

I'm not really sure what else to say, besides, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Take Care,

BPDSurvivor

I awoke to these posts this morning and it made my day. I didn’t think anyone would reply.
So thank you. I was diagnosed with BPD 3 years ago. and since the diagnosis I feel I have gotten worse as in my mindset and thoughts about life.

The battle is real. I don’t feel positive about anything anymore. I have 4 kids and I’m a healthy 40 year old mum, ages of the kids are 15years, 14years 10 and 20 month old.
I don’t even get hungry anymore but I’ll indulge and over eat for comfort the if food is in front Of me. Then feel fat.
I just have no enjoyment what so ever.
I mean the happy little kids things yes. They are great.
They actually keep me alive and going.
I tired to go to work and I find it very hard because I have the baby and I’m
Casual.
Most of the others take the shifts before I’ve had the chance to co that day care.
Sorry I feel like a huge complaining wingy person.
My supports are my mum, but she is also a huge trigger for me.
I haven’t got friends anymore, don’t know what happened to everyone.
My partner works long hours and his my new partner, so a kinda step dad to the other older three.
Its just the fight, the battle in my head. It’s so loud I can’t foresee it plan. It’s so loud. No pyschologist has helped, hardly the meds, the make me dependent on them to know how to feel and how to numb when the feelings are to intense.
Does everyone with bpd live like this??

thank you for sharing this and supporting other struggling mums.

I am in a similar situation and appreciate your honesty. I have a husband and good financial resources but he is working long hours. I also had the school drop off and pick up as milestones in between resting most of the day.
Currently have a 13 and 9 year old and realise this is an older post from you so wondered how you are doing now? How old are your children and what you found helpful for breaking the cycle to be up and functional during the day.

I held onto work 3 days a week for 14 years in a university which kept me going but left in February 2023 and it is a challenge with the BPD, depression to get into a structured routine to avoid that 'sleep to escape' cycle.

Anyway I hope you are doing okay and really appreciate your honesty in posting on this forum 🙏

Hi @CRyan and welcome to the forum. I’m glad you liked this post. There are some lefty of others that you might find helpful so I encourage you to look around.

Good idea @CRyan

I’m ok, just visiting a relative for the weekend.

Hello! First time posting here!

I relate to using sleep as an avoidance strategy so much. One of my memories from childhood was looking forward to going to sleep because I thought my dreams were so much better than my reality. Recently I’ve gone from what I thought was “everything going right” to completely self sabotaging and it all falling apart… again.

I’ve now gone back to going to bed as soon as I get my daughter to sleep at 7.30pm. I’ve noticed that it’s been happening so ive tried to stay up a bit longer and watch tv or read a book but those negative thoughts are just way too loud and I end up giving up & going to sleep.

I’ve been diagnosed with GAD but have also suffered with PTSD and, when I was a teenager I had anorexia and depression (although my parents just got angry at me for not eating and never tried to help or get me officially diagnosed / treated).

I went to the doctor a few weeks ago because I’ve felt myself slipping and I’ve been referred to a psychiatrist so I’m hoping to get some answers as I’ve only ever had counseling. The doctor mentioned BPD which I’d never heard of before and when I did a little bit of research I was absolutely blown away by the similarities of the symptoms and how I was feeling. It was like someone had been watching me my whole life and had shared my story/ thoughts on these websites. I’m never one for self diagnosing but it is absolutely uncanny. I’m hoping that my next step in my mental health journey will get me answers so I can stop feeling like I’m on auto pilot waiting for my life to happen.

Anyway, that’s a rather long story on how I relate to your post! I appreciate you sharing it as it’s obviously helped me open up a bit!!