Horrible friends

Hi @pip that's a good outlook on the situation, when it comes to friendship & relationships. I also had someone else last night that told me to stop blaming my anxiety, basically I use it as an excuse. It makes me question myself. But then I realised that I am going through this and am getting myself the help I need. I'm not blaming it and using it as an excuse, it's causing awful symptoms that makes it hard to do the things I want, and I'm learning to help myself but they are making me rush and hurry up and get better. I realise the don't feel what I'm feeling or have to deal with the chronic dizziness. I supported my friend at her lowest point in her relationship breakdown and now that I'm at the worst point in my life she can't even give me an ear to vent to. I want to do do the things they think I'm making an excuse to get out of, but my body is at a point I need to focus on it more.

@Flower88. You need to focus on what helps you and makes you get through your darkest times. Because you're the only one who knows exactly how you feel and when you have breathing difficulties, you're the only one who can overcome it. It would be great if you did have someone who could be there for you. I'm in a similar situation, I have a drink problem, I have recently become friends with someone who constantly wants me to drink. If I try explaining I have a drink problem, past experiences have me suspecting she will ignore. I am lucky in that I have a wonderful male friend & ex colleague who totally understands and supports my problem. If people would just accept that people have problems and not question or dictate, it would make things easier when we try to work through them. You are happy with the help you're getting, I am grateful beyond belief to have my wonderful male friend and mentor. If you can 'vent' your frustrations to your support person, believe me it's a great feeling. Ask her/him if you can 'vent' you need to get all hurt out so you can heal and become whole within yourself. Your support person doesn't necessarily need to reply, just knowing you have an 'ear' is often enough. You've been a true friend, your so-called friend was not true, I'm sorry you were let down. I wish I could 'be there' so you could 'vent' to me. I know you're not making excuses or blaming, you are constantly struggling. It possibly often feels like you're fighting a losing battle. and trying to stay on the winning side. Remember to take things at your pace, you know how you feel, respect yourself and be guided by your body.

Hi @pip thank you, I am glad to see your have some good support people 🙂 we all need that good support system. I'm going to cut ties with people that try dictate my health or my life. People in your life shouldn't be that stressful to be around.

Hi @Flower88. Often it's negative people who make us feel worse than we are because of the lack of understanding and support. I used to belong to a church, the people there were more judgemental than anyone I've ever met. I'm having some personal battles at the moment not just alcohol, but recovering from surgery to remove a cancerous tumour from my right breast. I had a course of radiation (difficult), I'm still recovering from that. Between that and the 'battle of the bottle', without my male friend/colleague/mentor, I would be lost. He has been there for me for years, he has seen me through my darkest hours, suicide attempts etc. I love him dearly both as a friend, colleague/mentor/brother. He occasionally gives me a 'kick' where it hurts and I'm more than grateful for every day I've known him. I'm hoping his wisdom is now enabling me to guide you and others through dark, choppy, unpredictable waters. We all need people who understand and are willing to 'give' themselves. Like me, Flower, you won't be alone. I'm never alone as long as I have my supporter and I'll always have him. I will try to give to you what I have been given. Use your strength when you can, when you can't, don't apologize, accept you need 'recharging'.

Hi @pip

My hubby is an alcoholic but it's close to 40 years since the last drink. He just says he developed an allergy to alcohol and no one ever encouraged him to just have one.

Hi @pip you are amazing and your strength really shines through, I'm so glad you have that support, I hope everything went ok with the removal of Tumor? 😀😀 @Kurra that's so smart of him what a good idea 😊

@Flower88. With me the alcohol issue is, unfortunately inherited. Thank you for the compliment regarding my strength. I don't regard me as amazing or particularly strong, I'm still battling and probably always will. I see the oncologist Thursday regarding the tumour. I have been informed that I may have to consider hormone therapy. I'm thinking of discussing that with my Dr before deciding. I had no issues with menopause apart from headaches. I was taking AD's during my menopausal time and therefore was saved much of what others may have suffered. With hormone therapy, there is a chance I will suffer night sweats, mood swings etc. Because of past battles with depression, mood swings don't appeal to me. My amazing support person has told me that I have the right to refuse anything I'm not comfortable with. Knowing this gives me the strength I need, to do what's right for me. If I take this hormone therapy, my fear that drink will dull the depression is very real. My support person is worried too about me turning to the drink. It's only been about 3 months since I stopped drinking, and I have no wish to 'backflip'. 3 months is good, the longer I stay 'dry' the more power I gain. I was never discouraged to drink, dad was an alcoholic, my brother was, my paternal and maternal g'fathers were. My first bf was too, so drink was always available. Telling myself drink has bad effects does nothing. The struggle is internal, my support person is the only one who knows and knows what to say. Because I need his support, I keep sober. I won't lose him, but his disappointment in me would hurt me more than anything. His never-ending love and support has been my guide and that, I suppose, is where my strength comes from.