Depression is a language .... suicide is real.

Unfortunately @Appleblossom time doesn't heal. I am 61 now and still suffering.

I am really sorry for the loss of your siblings and your historic mental illness through generations. Much love to you 💞

@Former-Member

Hearing you about the limits of that phrase. I know you struggle.

I had that tossed at me as a kid after my father's death, He did not suicide. God only knows what people said and did to my siblings. We were often separated by the state etc...

So one of the things that was healing for me was the way she wrote about it, she was turning axioms upside down. It was about those who had taken their lives, those who were left behind and the very sad reality of clusters of suicide.

Usually that is one phrase that can get my goat and I am up in arms ....so it was a sign of inner healing that I could actually cope with the phrase.

Her opening lines

"For five years everything Frances wrote was about her sister.....

....

After five years something shifted...."

I felt the author was being realistic about how all encompassing grief can be, and long grief can take, and discussed many scenarios. It may not be relevant to you personally.

Thank you for allowing me to reply to your response.

Respect

Apple

Dear @Appleblossom

I responded to your post.

I then read what I had written. I then deleted what I had written.

As I often find there are no words worthy of describing some emotions.

Grief, being so different for each and everyone of us, is one of those very strong emotions that for me; words do not come near describing it.

I will leave a heart and love for you and others who follow.

I will also leave a heart and love for myself which is so extremely hard to do as I normally leave myself last.

Thank you for writing this Appleblossom.

I understand so deeply what grief does.

You have helped someone already.

You have helped me offer myself love and an image of a heart.

Many thanks

love Sophia

❤❤❤

apologies @Former-Member

I had included a reply for you in my first attempt that I then decided to delete.

I posted the next attempt only addressing Appleblossom.

Grief is so very hard and so very different for all.

How it affects us short and long term as well as how we deal or are unable to deal with it.

Knowing that it is actually grief is a huge step in finding some sense of reality.

Some people never even get that far and choose to think that they have moved on in their terminology.

I am not sure about time and healing.

I feel more about acknowledging it, even nurturing that part of us as it is so very real and tender.

I have found, telling myself that my grief is still with me and always will be helps me.

At the same time, as I tell myself this the intensity differs. I hold it within myself differently.

For me it will always be there.

I carry it with me as it is a part of me that was pure love, whether it was love for myself or for another. It was still as part of me.

I still have pain, moments of heartache; not as often nor lasting as long.

I still know that the original love cannot be taken from me as grief is loss, something taken from us.

Perhaps I have just grabbed my love back..

Very deep I know.

Grief is deep also.

I hope that this might help in some minor way.

If not, I am happy to delete the response.

Thank you @Appleblossom @Sophia1 for your reply's. I think I am in a mixed state at the moment. Very upset, very irritable and angry. I have been too blunt with lost angel on self care activities. Don't know whether to delete my account or go away for a while or just give up trying so bloody hard all the time. Had enough. 😞

@Former-Member

The virtual world is extra tricky in offering support as myself and many others have written about.

I believe this is the case with the written word.

The writer being the only person really knowing how they feel and attempting to express those feelings in words.

There are no specific words that can possibly describe any feeling. The two are separate yet often confused.

I have upset several people over my time on and off of the forums.

I have never intended to upset a person, however, what I have written has been interpreted in a different way by the other person.

Again how the other person is feeling at the time, along with how you are feeling at the time.

Extremely complex, as are feelings.

Peer support workers, community guides have a role of following threads, offering support and sometimes suggestions.

You have many emotions coursing through you at the moment

"very upset, very irritable and angry" you said.

At times like this looking after ourselves first is paramount.

Trying so hard, matches me.

I know that you are hurting and feeling still irritable, angry, upset now as well possibly.

As I have read when you have offered support to others. Give this same advice to yourself now.

Be kind to yourself as you are human. Humans make mistakes all of the time all over the world.

Give the advice you give to others to yourself.

Have a rest if you can.

Breathe, this is what I always forget as well as do not even notice that I have stopped breathing.

Do you love music? Play it as high as you can tolerate and let it move through your whole body.

This is what helps me.

Do not delete your account when angry,.........please.......

do not take drastic measures when emotional.......please....

breathe and be nice to yourself and know that there are so many members who are ever so grateful for all of the loving support that you always set out to offer.

Again

If I have tried too hard ...(sound familiar)....

ask and I will delete without being offended or upsetting you 💚 Green heart that leads you to nature where you will find some peace if you can let go and allow the harmony of nature to flow within you........

Thank you for sharing this @Appleblossom

I am going to be brave and get myself a copy. Little bit apprehensive but never the less am going to. I have so much respect for you and if I can be brave going to say I am happy that we are friends 🤗

@Sophia1 @Former-Member

So often we are left feeling hurt...

It can be dependent on where our own head spaces are, perhaps we are vulnerable at the time or perhaps other. Regardless we feel hurt. That's ok. That's because we feel, sometimes too deeply. I once wrote "I so wish I didn't feel so deeply" and then someone said "but if you didn't you wouldn't be you".

I kinda like that 💞

Always hope I know we haven't connected, but I've seen you around and you are a caring and compassionate soul.

I do hope you reconsider leaving 🙏

@Anastasia

I like to support home grown intellectuals, even if she was born elsewhere. This is a unique country.

@Sophia1 I hear your trying so thoroughly. I have felt the similarly tho we are also very different.

@Former-Member

I appreciate having people my age around. You did not say anything wrong here. I prefer the level of communication that allows for genuine expression and not just support.

Age makes a difference we have some similar issues to the young ones, but also .... we have seen a lot more. I pull back sometimes, mostly if i am unsure or feel frustrated. Be guided by your wisdom, but there is no need to close your acocunt.

Hello @Appleblossom

Thank you for your kind words and understanding, that we all can have different opinions, without being right or wrong.

I am used to being referred to as different.

Growing up with my birth family "different" was used often, to describe my feelings, questions, emotions, actions; my very being.

It has taken me a long time to accept that I am safe being ("different); as perceived by others..

In fact being "different", is just another word, a loaded one though.

Accepting my difference is rewarding and acknowledging my own worthiness, allowing me to further explore the richness within my depth.

At the same time I still take into account that we do not know the full story of anyone hence their reactions, responses may not make sense.

Feeling "different" can be a huge culprit within the subject of what you wrote about in this thread.

Humans are so very complicated.

This is not directed at you appleblossum as the meaning of the word for you will not be the same.

Confirmation again of selves.

Reading the book in your own time; observing how you are feeling within yourself as you continue to read is a very healthy approach to a book with such intense content.

I have two books

The way of the wound by Robert Grant Ph.D

Healing Trauma by Peter A. Levine, PH.D

I have had them for between 2 -5 years.

On first starting to read the first one mentioned, I found myself so enthused. I almost became a part of the book itself. Then something shifted within me and I have not been able to start reading the book again.

The second one was a gift from an acquaintance which surprised me. I started to read that one and halted.

I have not been able to look at that book since.

Perhaps timing, perhaps content, perhaps the manner with which the words are put together.

I suspect triggers of emotions from past.

I am trying to say, not very well, that not every book is of value for every person. Some will trigger people yet others will feel helped.

This comes back to the individuality of humans, their traits, life experiences, trauma, forms of grief.

To attempt is always a step towards healing. To stop is not a failure. Possibly an indication that the time is just not right in that space.

I have written too much.

This is my expression and I am being me

No offence intended towards anyone

Again please take care everyone

Sophia

Hi @Appleblossom

Great topic - I wish I knew more - after my son died I researched as much as possible at the time

It's true - depression is something a person under it's effects can have conversations and find their way out if that's possible

Suicide is the end of that person - their story has ended - all story has ended for them - they have taken themselves away from their future and alas - everyone's story and future.

It breaks my heart 35 years later - and I have tears coming.

I don't know if I can read this book right now but I am so glad to read your posts

I love your posts - they are intriguing and you give me great ideas - you have my support always. I know you are just the other side of the Bay from me but it is also so far away

Dec

Hi Apple