Nothing works for me.

@Historylover

Walk away from people that treat you this way. There's better out there. I'm sorry you experienced this. Sending love.

Not sure exactly what happened, but I had a weird experience with a fellow in last 6 months, and I had to put a stop to it about 10 days ago as I was starting to feel agitated about all the stuff he, or his friend was throwing around, including an abusive email from his friend. God only knows how he got my email ... cos friend 1 linked him in ... then friend1 demanded of me for a 2nd time to show Christain forgiveness, which initally I did, but in the end after a few more disrespect experiences and I decided to pull the plug.

Luckily something else opened up simultaneously so my mood has not gone downhill. On further reflection maybe it was simply a good example of me discovering and setting boundaries where I had not been able to in the past. Felt like played for a fool, but also glad at least it did not cost me too much this time.

@Historylover Is that the kind of thing you mean?

@Powderfinger Nice to see you again. How did the break go? Refreshed?

Walking away is easier said than done, @Powderfinger . I am on the brink of doing it AGAIN. The trouble is it has become predictable. Someone else posted recently that they usually last a couple of months before walking away and I've just been looking for the post to reply. Perhaps it was @saltandpepper.

I am finding life is like an enjoyable ride which nobody wants to let me on. It has always been so. I do everything expected of me and more - but nothing works for me. Just a sequence of rides for several months - and then I have to get off again and leave them to enjoy themselves because they don't want me there.

I'm a good person. I do my best for everyone but I am never appreciated. There is nothing I could do differently so that I get a fair share of a good life too.

I have run out of new things to try and it wouldn't make a difference anyway.

Sorry. I wish I could make a more hopeful reply but I think I am out of hope.

Thanks for sending love, @Powderfinger. It means a lot that when others are going through so much themselves that so many are able to reach out in support when they can.

Take care. Sending love back to you too.

It's incredibly difficult to express complex matters in a few words but I think we are talking about the same sort of thing, @Appleblossom.

I have no way of preventing this happening again in another situation. I do nothing wrong but I seem to rock the boat by my very presence. A clique turns against me and the situation becomes unworkable - and always, unable to be corrected. I leave - blamed again.

You're fortunate that another door opened for you @Appleblossom.

I'm out of doors.

Not sure if you like this kind of video @Historylover

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G4kUN1ldtl0

I am working on ... self honouring ...

I believed for 55 years that there were no doors to open or close for me ... be nice if that changes.

Cheers Bella

I've just watched the first half of the video, @Appleblossom. I will watch more and some others tomorrow.

Don't read this if you are not feeling strong yourself, @Appleblossom. I have wondered if I should even post it but I need to reply. I don't know what else to say.

She hit the nail on the head re my situation when she spoke of being cast outside the city walls and left to fend for ourselves. That is exactly my situation. But I have done nothing wrong so I have to ask - is this the only way our society can function? That groups are held together by the exclusion of a few because that is what bonds them together?

I am sorry for being so pessimistic, so hopeless, but I can't pretend to feel otherwise. Rejection CAN destroy us. It breaks our spirit.

That is the trouble with this type of video. It suggests a one-size-fits-all solution and even that, if we follow their advice, all will be well. It won't - because they have never had to walk in our shoes. Never had to actually resolve another's difficulties and show that it truly works.

I'd like to challenge her - ask her to actually walk in my shoes and show me how she can fix this for me.

I will watch the rest of the video tomorrow and look into several others. Sometimes just some snippets resonate and bring comfort. And I can really use some comfort for my distress right now.

I sincerely appreciate your kind thoughts @Appleblossom. I really wish you well. We all deserve such a better deal. Sending love, happiness and best wishes to you - and all power to doors continuing to open for you. Cheers.

Dear @Historylover

I am alright, but not sleeping so came online.

Glad you found a snippet that was useful.

Most youtubes get my goat one way or another, but I have to calm myself down and find the nugget within the generalisations. I watch a few then go off them all for 6 months etc ....I can be triggered strongly by one word ... but eventually I am finding that if I allow my triggers and work thru them they do recede ... ie why do I feel outraged or whatever ...

I have found that sometimes it can help by getting very clear about something that was the opposite of a video point ...

finding the best for our own unique personality and circumstances ....seems the goal.

Sadly sometimes it does seem that many groups are held together by whom they exclude and what they hate, than anything better .... learning not to be so naive about people ...

Take care

Sending love and happiness @Appleblossom. Thankyou.

@Historylover

I pop in and out now and then. Not refreshed no. Thank you for asking.

While I was reading your posts, a question and thought came to my mind. Have you considered that perhaps you could look at changing the way you do things and the experiences you have could change.

I mean reading what you have written here made me think that their is clues and answers in your experiences.

For me it wasn't till I looked at the experiences in life I had, how it all happened, why it happened, that I was darn tired of the same old shit different day that it put me in a position where I said ENOUGH and I changed.

I think you are a beautiful and good person. I understand you've lost hope. Perhaps it is time to reframe the life you want to live on every level and make the changes needing to be made that will give you the life you want and deserve?

Food for thought.

Powderfinger.

Hello @Powderfinger I wrote a long post last night after an exhiliarating day, but it failed to send and I was too tired to recompose it.

Well, that was the most exhiliarating day I have had in more years than I can remember.

I joined U3A last year and enrolled in 6 classes and volunteering, but, as I had joined when my life and mind was so severely traumatised, it all sent me into sensory overload. I dropped out, but enrolled in a one-term course of lawn bowls at the local club.

I had never been a fan but, from the outset, the U3A group who had also enrolled were a fun group. We had a great time and were sad to see it finish. Some of us have joined the club now.

One of the class invited me along for a bowl yesterday - we can drop in to practise any time - but I found myself roped into an intra-club match. We lost the first match but won when we played against the other top losing team - and $50.00 each. It was a truly great day.

When I was responding to @saltand pepper in his suicidal thoughts on Friday, I was also going through the same. Trying to help him through it helped me. It just gets so tiring sometimes going through all these waves of feeling good, then crashing into hopelessness again.

Anyway, I have worked my way through many experiences over the past decades - some good, some bad. I have learned a lot - about life, people and myself and I think, in joining the bowls club, I may have found my niche in life. Fabulous group of people - once we get the bugs ironed out. I am working ahead with that objective. Being part of a like-minded group in the real world certainly feels good.

And the club's members range in age from twenties (champions) to seniors. I'm really looking forward to getting to know everyone and become a member of a second family. I really feel that the groundwork of rebuilding my life has finished and I am now getting it out of the ground.

You're a beautiful and good person too, @Powderfinger. We all are. We just have to hang in there while we find our way.

Have a happy Sunday.