Nocturnal eating syndrome

Hi @ShiningStar

It's great to hear from you again 😊

How was your Xmas and new year? Did you get to spend it with family and friends? Here's hoping 2023 brings lots of healing vibes for both of us.

I restarted no contact and I am now at 32 days no contact. It has really helped being on leave from work and therefore being away from my ex completely. However I am concerned that when I return to work I do have to have contact with him as I am giving some talks in education sessions he has arranged for the doctors starting at our hospital. I can't avoid him then. Whereas I changed my lunch time at work to deliberately avoid him. Or I would eat in my office so I didn't have to run into him. But when I give my talks there will be no avoiding him.

It will be extremely challenging for me to be around him and only talk about work. I just hope I can be strong.

How are you going with everything in your life?

Sending kind and caring thoughts to you 💛

Hi @Fireflyseeker

It’s so lovely to hear from you 💜

Happy New Year to you too 💜 The healing vibes that you mentioned sound absolutely amazing and I’ll keep everything crossed that some of these come our way 💜

Thank you so much for asking 😊 I celebrated Christmas and the New Year with my immediate family which was really lovely 💜 As such, we started the day by having breakfast and a snacky lunch together, before sitting down to a traditional Christmas dinner later in the evening 💜

I was actually born overseas and so up until the age of ten, I had a white (and extremely cold) Christmas surrounded by my immediate and extended family 😊

Unfortunately (apart from two relatives who moved to Australia a few years before we did) all of my family still live overseas and so although I love the time that I share with my immediate family, Christmas is a fairly quiet and low key celebration 💜

With that being said, I just wondered how was your Christmas and New Year?

Oh wow! I’m so proud of you! Thirty two days of non-contact is an amazing achievement - that’s over a month! Well done 😊

Absolutely! Sometimes those seemingly small changes to our routines (such as being on leave) can make such a difference! As I sat here listening to you, I was really struck by your insight and how you’ve not only been able to identify some of the situations that increase your vulnerability, but you’ve also been able to find a way to maintain some of the boundaries that are important to you 😊

Oh Fireflyseeker 💜 I’m so sorry to hear that you have to have contact with your ex-partner and as such, it’s completely understandable that you’re feeling scared and anxious about the impact that this will have on you.

These situations can be incredibly challenging (and although your experience is a little bit different to some of mine) one of the things that really helped me, was taking some time to develop a contingency plan. For example, I gave some thought to how I might respond to the other person if they initiated a conversation with me and what sorts of thoughts and feelings would alert me to the fact that I was starting to feel vulnerable. I also gave some thought to some of the ways that I could safely and realistically remove myself from the situation or at least create some breathing space for myself if this wasn’t possible 💜

With this in mind, I just ever so gently wondered if you have any thoughts in relation to how you may be able to stay sturdy during this time?

Reading your message today has really lifted my spirits and I just wanted to say thank you so much for checking in with me - it means so much 💜

To be honest things have been a little bit up and down lately and as such I have some days where I feel as though I’m travelling fairly well and then I have other days where I feel overwhelmed and completely lost and stuck in some sort of horrible rut! As such, I’ve been giving some thought to how I can inject some different energy into my life and I’ve decided that I’m going to see if I can find some volunteer work supporting children, as working with the little ones is something that I absolutely love 💜

It’s always so lovely to be able to talk with you and please know that I’m thinking of you and sending you some very caring and healing hugs 💜

Take kind and gentle care of yourself,

ShiningStar 💜

Hi @ShiningStar

Lovely to hear from you, as always.

So sorry to hear about the emotional roller-coaster you are on. That sounds really tough.

I am glad that you have a plan to improve things though. Volunteering with children is a great thing to do. Many many years ago now I volunteered at a major children's hospital. It was great cuddling the babies but overall it was a great experience. I hope you find it just as rewarding and purposeful. The Red Cross ran the program when I did it.

Your Christmas sounds lovely but I can hear how maybe being separated from a lot of your family is hard at such a time.

So I got to 48 days no contact and talked to my ex. Then I didn't talk to him again until day 60. Which is supposed to be the goal of the program I was doing. But then little by little my ex came back into my life until we were at the point of being intimate again. To complicate things I had gone back to online dating and met a super lovely guy who I had lots in common with. But I was in no way attracted to him. But he wants a relationship with me. I have been doing everything I can to be attracted to him but after seeing him today it's just not going to work.

So now I am back to day 1 no contact with my ex. But my hearts not really in it so I don't know how far I'll get.

As I write this I feel a bit pathetic. I keep going round in circles and wonder why I don't feel better. The answer is so obvious and simple ie stay away from my ex. But I keep failing at that.

Needless to say that as I write this I am feeling depressed and tormented.

I am grateful Tomorrow I have a psychologist appointment.

I do hope this message finds you doing better.

Sending you hugs 🫂

I have read your post @Fireflyseeker ,

You are not alone.

Hi @Fireflyseeker

It’s so lovely to hear from you too 💜

Thank you so much for listening to me and sending me some hugs 💜

Oh wow - that’s so uncanny! Many years ago I volunteered in a children’s hospital too! I use to spend time on the wards playing with some of the little ones and I absolutely loved it! Out of all of my volunteer experiences this was by far my favourite 💜

I’ve visited a few websites and although there are some great opportunities for volunteers, they don’t feel quite right for me. As such, I’ve decided that I’m going to create my own opportunity and approach a few organisations that may be interested in welcoming me as a volunteer 😊

Oh no! I’m so deeply sorry to hear that you’re at day one of no contact and as I sat here listening to you, I can really hear your torment and what also sounds like an overwhelming sense of devastation and despair 💜

In my experience, the pain associated with the torment that you’re describing cuts right to the bone and the agony that co-insides with this can be absolutely excruciating 💜

Oh fireflyseeker 💜 It can be so easy to ‘beat ourselves up’ when we don’t feel any better - especially when the solutions to the challenges that we’re facing appear to be so simple and straightforward 💜 However, changing parts of our lives and creating longer lasting change is often so much more complicated than this, as all too often there are a multitude of complex issues that contribute to keeping us stuck in our experiences and moving in circles 💜

With this in mind, I just ever so gently wanted to say that from where I sit you’re anything but ‘pathetic’ and I truly admire the way that you continue to pick yourself up and put your best foot forward - even when you’re exhausted and feeling low and tortured by some of the things that are happening for you 💜 As such, I see an incredibly determined and courageous person who is doing the absolute best that they can in some very challenging circumstances 💜

Absolutely! An online relationship really does complicate things 💜 That’s so disappointing that you didn’t feel an attraction towards him as it sounds as though in some ways you both really gelled!

I’m so pleased and relieved to hear that you were able to see your Psychologist soon after and I really hope that they were able to provide you with the care and support that you needed 💜

Please know that I’m thinking of you and sending you a multitude of caring and healing hugs 💜

Take kind and gentle care of yourself,

ShiningStar 💜

Hi @ShiningStar

I just typed you a long message and lost it 😞

But I sincerely apologised for my very very late reply.

Have you been able to find an organisation that you would like to volunteer with?

I fell off the no contact wagon again. But am now back on it. I am at 10 days no contact. I haven't seen him in those 10 days thankfully. But of course I will see him sooner or later. Which I am dreading as all logical thought disappears when I see him.

Thank you for all your understanding of my going round in circles. It would be really nice if that didn't happen this time.

I hope this message finds you well. Thank you again for all your care and concern.

Sending hugs

Hi @Fireflyseeker

It’s so lovely to hear from you 💜

That’s absolutely no worries at all - please don’t worry 💜 The days go by so quickly and it can be so easy to lose track of time 😊

Oh no - I’m so sorry to hear this! It’s incredibly distressing when we lose the messages that we’ve poured our hearts and souls into 😞 This happened to me a little while ago too and I just wanted to cry!

I ended up sending an email to my local primary school to see if I could volunteer in the classroom supporting the little ones with their reading 😊 I contacted the school a week or so ago as I hadn’t received a response and they said that they’d received my email and that they would be in touch! Although they weren’t able to give me a time frame in relation to this, I’m hoping that I might hear something towards the end of the month 😊

Oh Fireflyseeker 💜 I’m so deeply sorry to hear that you’ve fallen off the no contact wagon again and I can really appreciate the sense of dread that you’ve described in relation to what will happen when you see him again 💜

In my experience, feeling as though we’re waiting for the inevitable to happen is absolutely excruciating - especially when we can see patterns of behaviour repeating themselves and yet despite our very best efforts to chart a different course, we find ourselves continually stuck in our circumstances 💜

These sorts of challenges are just so difficult to tackle by ourselves and as such, I just ever so gently wondered if your Psychologist is still supporting you?

Please know that I’m thinking of you and sending you a multitude of hugs 💜

Take kind and gentle care of yourself,

ShiningStar 💜

Hi @ShiningStar 😊

So glad to hear from you so soon.

I will have my fingers crossed 🤞 for you regarding the school getting in touch with you. And also for getting a favourable response.

I am trying no contact again and I am now on day 25 no contact. It has been really tough going. I have been rather depressed and have been missing work some days.

My psychologist appointments now are monthly or further apart as I only have 3 Medicare funded appointments left for this year now. My next psychologist appointment is still a month away so I have contacted the employee assistance scheme through work. I have a phone appointment with them this Thursday. Although I think they only use counsellors. But it will be good to talk to someone any way.

Take care

Hi @ShiningStar

Sorry to end so abruptly in my last message. I was replying whilst I was at work and I had to suddenly attend to something. So as I didn't want to lose my message again I just ended it quickly.

But I just wanted to say I'll be thinking of you and if you ever want to share your struggles with me I am more than happy to listen.

Take good care of yourself.❤

Fireflyseeker

Hi @Fireflyseeker

It’s so lovely to hear from you 💜

Thank you so much! When I touched base to see if they received my email they mentioned that they have a lot of volunteers at the moment and so I might be waiting a little bit longer than I first thought 😊

I’m so sorry to hear how rough things are for you and as I listened to what you shared with me, I can really hear the heavy toll that this non-contact period is having on your mental health and wellbeing 💜 As such, I just ever so gently wondered if there are people in your life who you can reach out to for some additional support?

That makes so much sense about the way that you’ve had to schedule your appointments with your Psychologist 💜 Trying to stretch your Mental Health Care Plan over the course of a year is so incredibly difficult and ten subsidised appointments per calendar year falls woefully short of the amount of support that people realistically need 😔

As such, I think that contacting the Employee Assistance Scheme is a really great idea! This is something that I’ve accessed in the past too and I found attending regular appointments with the Psychologist incredibly helpful.

Sometimes just having someone to talk to can make a huge difference and this in itself can really help us to be able to keep our heads above the water in between our scheduled appointments 💜

In my experience, finding affordable support can be really difficult and so I just wanted to share a couple of resources that I’m aware of - in the hope that some of these may be helpful for you too 💜

The first resource that comes to mind is a Neighbourhood Centre. Basically, these are community based organisations that provide a variety of different services which can include counselling 😊

Although they’re unable to provide specialised counselling in relation to issues such as complex trauma, most centres provide counselling in relation to issues such as depression and anxiety for a relatively low fee.

For example one of the Neighbourhood Centres where I live charge thirty dollars for an hour appointment, which is further reduced if you hold a health care card or a concession card.

Also, some of the universities have Psychology Clinics that provide counselling for members of the community 💜

Although these services are often short term and provided by provisional Psychologists, they can still provide a really valuable service for people who need to access support that’s a little bit more affordable.

And of course last but not least you’re always welcome to access SANE’s support services 💜

Basically, SANE offers a range of free digital and telehealth support services for people over 18 years of age with complex mental health needs, and their family, friends and carers.

I’ve just included the link to this particular section of the website, just in case you would like to take a look and see if there’s anything that you feel may be helpful for you 😊

https://www.sane.org/get-support?_gl=1*1cfv3tx*_gcl_au*MTY3NDc5NjM2MC4xNjg2OTgxMzE5&_ga=2.8964338.618010260.1686981319-1515206674.1686981319

I hope that this helps you a little bit and please know that I’m thinking of you and sending heaps of hugs your way 💜

Take kind and gentle care of yourself,

ShiningStar 💜