Lousy systems.

Hi @Anon4 hearing you about how helpful it could be to have after hours mental health services that are not Emergency. We can become extrememely unwell and alone with it even if it's not necessarily going to result in suicide. Phones and forums are not able to provide really tangible support, it seems to me.

From experiences I've had over the years, I would also like to see after hour services for our own psychiatrists. This is especially the case during med changes. I've been on a roller coaster of bad side effects causing seriously ill episodes, failed new types when that hasn't worked, rocky ride emotionally and mentally for whole of the past year. Needing to wait 8 weeks or so between each psychiatrist appointment and therefore every attempt at a better med.

So much to be improved in the mental health care system.

Really glad to hear you got through the night and are feeling a bit better.

Hi @Anon4 yes 🙌 yes 🙌 and yes 🙌. I does feel like you need to already be dead to deserve treatment. It shouldn't be that way.

I'm glad the trip helped in some way though.

Hi @Anon4 , thank you for sharing. I totally get it.

Hey @Anon4 thanks for being here!

I'm very sorry to hear you have been so unwell to the point where you had to go to ER not knowing what other course of action to take.

You sound like you are very alone which is not good given your distressing symptoms.

Yet you are still able to articulate freely what you feel and how you think in a highly intelligible fashion which is great

I wish people did not have to go through demoralising situations such as this - given the shortfalls of standardised care with emergency hotlines and the sterile clinical settings in ER.

Yes maybe you weren't sick enough to present at ER but at least you were in a public place surrounded by people.

I know it may sound like cold comfort but sometimes getting outside of ourselves can be a deal breaker.

Somehow it can open a situation up and get you to really fight for yourself and your own survival.

May I suggest first to try and get some good warm food into your belly so you are well nourished.

If you can't cook, there are many soup kitchens being run by charities and religious places of worship.

"Sikh Volunteers" for example delivers wonderful free vegetarian food to people in need and I have used that service myself. I got their name off facebook

It will just let you feel cared for without having to do anything. Just take yourself off the hook for the time being and allow yourself to be looked after

Make sure you are taking your meds as it will give you a more stablilised footing from which to process your emotions.

But I think you just need a nice cooked meal and some comfort.

BTW Sometimes I listen to solfeggio hertz frequences off you tube to clear toxic emotions.

It usually works like a charm. Many of these you tube videos go for 10 hours.

When I feel overwhelmed by negative emotions I will listen to hertz frequencies for clearing negative energy.

There are many likeminded folk on here who are willing to be there for you, so don't hesitate to reach out and be heard.

Its a lovely caring community on here.

Sending love

You will heal!

S.G

Hi @Anon4

Just as @Arizona said, I totally get it too - every bit of what you're saying.

So many things that pile on top of one another, and nothing that seems to cut through to enable you to feel any sort of listened to/ heard. I just want to say, for what it might, or might not be worth to you, that I hear you, on so many levels, the things written (spoken) and unwritten that lie between those words and in between those sentences (the unspoken/ unwritten).

It's worse when those who like to say they are helping you actually aren't, but are creating more of stress with their meaningless kindnesses and suggestions of what they percieve of as what will 'fix' your situation.

I'm really glad for you that you got some help after putting yourself through the stress overload of the everything that going to the ER in such a situation is.

Unlike quite a few others on here, I don't live where there are helpers in the community for people in a situation like mine - and I don't assume every other person here does either. How wonderful that must be to be able to rock up to a soup kitchen, or have someone come by to give you a hand with something. As a highly functioning (I hate that term) dysfunctional mentally, and physically unwell aged person, I have to first of all hunt down a hopefully competent tradesperson, organise an appointment, and pay for every little bit of assistance that I can find someone to do for me.

Just feeling a wee bit bitter tonight about assumptions ... it's been a very traumatic weekend.

Hi @Anon4 like @destructive @Arizona @Former-Member @Last-Lament

I totally agree that the last thing anyone needs or wants to hear when distressed is a 'speal' even if the person giving it is a caring genuine person. Make sure you do some self care too 💜

@Last-Lament So sorry things are really hard for you and you are not able to get the help available to others who live in suburbia. Don't feel bad about feeling bitter, you are having a hard time at the moment. Please reach out here to us on sane we do care 💞

Thank you @Former-Member and @Sophia1 for seeing me, and for your support, it's really appreciated.

I'm afraid that my situation is so complex - it just got even more complicated and emotionally painful today - and has been ongoing for so long, and too many aspects of my experiences are so triggering for others that to attempt to find help is a lost cause. I know there are others in similarish positions to mine, I'm not saying I'm in any way special or something like that, just the pain runs so deep and is so intricately interwoven into all of life that there's only one potential solution to it.

Whoever you are, be the best you can be for your own self, wherever you are, whatever you choose to do.

Hello @Last-Lament have you thought about the new service that sane has introduced. If you go to peer support at the top of the page click on this, the click on the green...find out more... you can chat in different ways to a peer support worker.

hope this makes sense. Hope you are safe? Thinking of you 🌷❤️

@Former-Member Hello, you are a sweet and kind person, thank you, for the suggestion.

Yes, I have thought of that, but to have the support of a 'peer' surely, that person must have been through similar experiences, and, well ... I can't find one of those people.

On the odd occasion I have tried, it's not available, story of my life.

Safe? I'm not ready to end my days, so in that regard I'm okay, thank you both @Former-Member and @Former-Member .

Thank you both for your kindness.

---

@Last-Lament wrote:

Thank you @Former-Member and @Sophia1 for seeing me, and for your support, it's really appreciated.

I'm afraid that my situation is so complex - it just got even more complicated and emotionally painful today - and has been ongoing for so long, and too many aspects of my experiences are so triggering for others that to attempt to find help is a lost cause. I know there are others in similarish positions to mine, I'm not saying I'm in any way special or something like that, just the pain runs so deep and is so intricately interwoven into all of life that there's only one potential solution to it.

Whoever you are, be the best you can be for your own self, wherever you are, whatever you choose to do.

---

Hello @Last-Lament

Please accept my thank you for noticing me.

I am thinking that you might possibly struggle with accepting caring things said to you or words that describe all of the good that you have.

This being the case as you have endured so much for so long.

I want to let you know that I can read, hear, the pain and anguish in your post.

I know of the words difficult, different and complex. I too have had life long journeys that cross over at various bends leaving a tangled something. There is pain. There is dark. There are many situations out of my control, out of my choosing. This makes it very hard to trust and reach out.

I find it easier to give than receive.

I do want to say to you, that, I do not assume that you think that you are special. I read that you feel on the outer of, whatever it is, where everyone else seems to be on the inner.

I am not writing to tell you that I have as much or more hurt than you.

I am not writing to tell you that I know what you can do for yourself.

I am not writing to tell you what to do or think at all.

I am wanting to let you know that as much as you might not think or feel this way; you are so very courageous in starting this thread.

Writing what you have is another beginning for you.

You have reached out perhaps not realising this fact.

Perhaps you do realise this and are trying very hard to be heard, listened to, not dismissed.

I have just written about myself.

Will you allow me to write to you again?

I cannot promise when that will be as I cannot visit here as often as others do. I do not use a phone and receive notifications instantly.

I use a desktop computer monitor. (probably incorrect terminology.)

If you do not feel comfortable engaging in further connection I will understand as this is about you and your feeling safe.

I have heard you and not dismissed your words.

Sophia