Not Fitting In…

What I mean by "visiting" is that when my mind goes to it, by doing things like music and drawing I don't have to be trapped in it. Sorry if I used the wrong turn of phrase. And I can remind myself that I won't be there the whole time.

@Abner Allowing ourselves to be totally immersed in the activty, in the moment, is a great way to 'get out of our own heads'. It is a skill that is very valuable to have - especially when you are dealing with thoughts that are distressing or difficult to face.

Having been in a similar position as you have faced - and survived - I agree that it is often difficult for others to be able to listen or support you. Often that is because they do not know what to say or what to do to help and that can seem as dismissive or unsupportive. I have been very fortunate to have a team around me that have been supportive and that is where I leave it. I do not talk about it with anyone else - that is both protecting myself as well as others. Some things are just too hard for some to hear ...and that is okay - they are not the right people to talk to.

Taking back control is super important - it takes time but you seem to be on the right path and that is both self-awareness and healing within itself

I absolutely agree with what you've just said, and people can be really freaked out by it. Also alifeline counsellor suggested that I put that stuff in some of my paintings and drawings, so I can also get IT out of my head and communicate it without people feeling confronted by it.

That is a great thing to do @Abner I do that with painting and writing - it helps to get it out in a creative way. One thing I always have in each of those mediums too is a butterfly - that is a symbol of both growth and hope for me - so amongst the darkness there is always some light.

Also I think doing something creative with the experience and ensuing trauma means to me that I'm able to produce something artistic that can be appreciated, and my suffering and ensuing recovering has a purpose I can value apart from recovery, a healing.

At one stage I thought it was a piece of music, but now I think it's going to a drawing first and then a perhaps a poem or short story, then perhaps some music. But definitely it needs to be story before producing the music, and I don't yet know how to tell that story, or series of stories. Anyway, I'm staring the process. I drew an another rather nice drawing today of an Asian boy in World War 2.