Not Fitting In…

i feel very much the same @Oaktree dont have many friends in real life, they are all busy and dont understand my complicated life. and not sure i really fit in here

Thanks @LoveGub @Bow

It's nice to know that I am not alone

Meggle

@Oaktree @Bow @LoveGub You all very much fit in here - not only that but it is good to have you all here. One of the things I find when I am not feeling good is that I don't eel I belong anywhere and/or are wanted anywhere but my rtional mind tells me that is just my state of mind at the time and is not actually true. We are quite often our own worst enemies and self-critics but seeing you @Oaktree and @Bow around the forums for some time nw I can tell you both it could not be further from the truth. You are both caring and compassionate people, give to others and are supportive to many. I have no doubt at all that you both have those periods of self-doubt but know here you are valued and matter. @LoveGub You are new to the forum so firstly welcome You are in great company here and I hope you find support, care and compassion from our wonderful community

I think we feel that we don't fit in because we wonder if we do. I don't think people who DO fit in, do any wondering. I think wondering makes us know more, and can become a heavy burden. We think too much. Knowing brings responsibility. It's scary. No one sees us until we speak. Talking to an actually present person is like "coming out". I feel like a fake person, talking to fake people. I'm trapped in politeness.

I wasn't loved. My mum and brother had schizophrenia. Mum would look away if I looked at her. I didn't talk until I was 5. I have no sense of self. I am like a silent by-stander in my own life. I formed my own opinions, instead of being told what to think. I'm just a chameleon. No one knows me.

I also hear you, and I often feel very awkward with people, but I also found out something very lovely and that's that I'm really well regarded at the Music Performance Unit I sing with. I didn't know that till today when I had a very embarrassing bit of mental ilhealth behaviour. They're supporting me through this and all said I'm very important to them. I'll still feel very awkward and probably just need a hug and reassurance that even the awkward feelings are ok. It was a very special moment for me.

A friend of mine said to me once "You have to fit in with everyone." and that's not always helpful. I think everyone fits in in some ways and doesn't in others, and it's because we're human and all share both similarities and differences. I'm often insecure that people will find me wanting, or even a bit repulsive or weird in personality.

I too sometimes feel a bit fake, but I think a lot of people do, and I think it's our minds' natural capacity for questioning our perceptions; and sometimes it's an appraisal just to make sure we're on the right track for us.

I think I feel very similar and hope this is a welcoming place as this is my first post/reply. Explore your feelings as I plan too aslo and friends are always the hardest and most rewarding treasures to encounter... Good luck and stay strong...

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@LoveGub wrote:

"I think we feel that we don't fit in because we wonder if we do. I don't think people who DO fit in, do any wondering"

I think that's pretty Zen.