Struggling after being triggered

Hi @Arizona Welcome to the forums!

A lot of what you say is extremely relatable to me and, I'm sorry to say, you'll find that there is no shortage of people here who ,like yourself, have had very poor histories with the mental health system. I'm one myself.

---

@Arizona wrote:

Right now I feel totally defeated and powerless. I have constant headaches and body aches and pains, and I'm terrified all the time. It feels like I'm in a nightmare.

I feel so alone and disconnected from people. I feel like I have been born into the wrong time, like I'm living in the 18th century or the middle ages, in terms of where we are at with mental health.

I have seen many mental health professionals and no one has ever really helped me with my depression and anxiety...

I feel angry because I have had many negative experiences with mental health professionals. And I'm sick of being invalidated and made to feel less than by people who think they are experts but actually have no idea what they are doing.

I feel alone because nobody understands me - not even mental health professionals - and I can't relate to 'normal' people. I feel like I'm not good enough when I'm around them.

I think my life is so unfair. Why do I have to suffer like this?

...but my quality of life is abysmal.

...I really need to change my living situation because that is what is causing all this anxiety and stress but I feel completely hopeless about it.

---

I can relate to all of this very well.

TBH, I don't really know where we are right now in terms of the future trajectory of the mental health system. Not long ago, I had a lot of cautious optimism about the things that I'd been reading about future visions for the mental health system. But recently, I've come to suspect that I optimistically mis-interpreted a lot of what I'd read, and now I don't know what to think.

I guess we can only hope... and fight as best we are able for the improvements we desparately need.

@Arizona Hello and welcome to the forums. I hope you can find the support you need here. You will find safety in sharing your story, there will no doubt be a lot of forumites with similar backgrounds who will offer support and love.
I can identify with a lot of what you have mentioned. Especially in relation to post traumatic stress disorder.
I had a traumatic childhood, I was not physically beaten, but I was emotionally and psychologically neglected & abused and have only started to understand the damage it has caused not only as a child but throughout my entire adulthood as well. I am 52. I had no idea what I was dealing with, I have bipolar as well as the complex ptsd, but it wasn't until I started seeing my current therapist who is a clinical psychologist that I have come to understand the trauma and triggers relating to the trauma.

Complex ptsd is an extremely complicated and difficult situation and differs in a lot of ways from what society knows to be ptsd, such as from the war, or singular traumatic events.
I hope your current therapist can help you. I would suggest mentioning to them that you feel you may have complex ptsd, open the door to discussion. And possibly read up on it before hand. If you suspect narcissistic parents or partner in the mix, a good book to read is, Will I Ever Be Good Enough by Karyl McBride.

In the meantime take care of yourself, do something kind for yourself, wishing you light and love xx

BB 🐰💙

@ArizonaI too relate to everything you said. Its a good reminder awakening in Me that I am my own expert. Burnt by many mental health professionals I too have been through alot seeking help. realisiing theres alot of well intentioned though unskilled people learning, making mistakes in how to meet us individually . I am inspired by your resilience and courage to try again a new therapist with a lil hope. Thankyou for being here and all you are walking through .

Hi bipolarbunny, chibam and BraveOne,

Thank you very much for your replies. I'm sorry, I don't know how to reply to the whole thread.

Bipolarbunny, I found your reply especially helpful. Thank you for taking the time to write. I relate a lot to what you are saying. I'm only just starting to understand that my father was/is abusive and the impact this has had on my whole life.

I'm also realising that I'm grieving for the father I never had.

Take care of you too xo

@bipolarbunny @chibam @BraveOne

See above from @Arizona 💐

@Arizona Sorry for the late response my friend I only just found your reply.

Yes I can identify with what you've said completely. And indeed it is grief for a parent you so desperately want and deserved, but never had. I feel the same way about my parents.

I truly hope you can find help with your therapist. If you ever want to chat about things, you can always tag me in a conversation or post. Just put a @bipolarbunny and I'll find you 🙂

Take care my friend xx

BB 🐰💙

@Anastasia Thanks sweetie, hope you are well tonight xx

BB 🐰💙

Hi @bipolarbunny , thanks for your reply. No worries. I understand now to put an @ symbol before people's usernames. Thanks very much for your support. I really appreciate it.

Take care of you too xo