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Feeling isolated with alcoholic husband

Unknown userMember15 June 2021, 8:47 pm AEST

Feeling isolated with alcoholic husband

After many years of my husband struggling with substance abuse, depression and anxiety, I have finally decided to take some objective steps to look after myself. It's scary as it means not trying to fix things but I think I now see my attempts to help have been in vain and at times made things worse. I can't talk with friends out of respect for him and no one at work would know what I'm carrying. It's exhausting and stressful checking if he's still breathing while he's 'resting'. I've run home many times during a bad patch terrified it'll be the last time. Its hard not to wonder how i could have or could now get him to seek and stick with the help he's found in the past. Every now and then he tries to get appointments but everyone is booked out for many months. He won't let me help. I know it's up to him but it's heartbreaking to see such a good man suffer so much. I'm not sure but I just thought it might help to write this down where at least someone who understands might relate. It's such a strange thing to get so good at faking it to friends and family that I almost feel like I'm loosing my own mind. If anyone has advice I would welcome it. Thank you

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In response to: Feeling isolated with alcoholic husband

Unknown userMember18 June 2021, 1:41 pm AEST

Re: Feeling isolated with alcoholic husband

@Former-Member I can hear that things have been really stressful and a significant struggle. I'm sending all of my support your way 💗

Here on the forums we had a discussion a few months ago on addiction and alcohol use which you might be interested to read back on: Topic Tuesday // Breaking The Cycle: Addiction, Alcohol and Drugs // Tues 27th April, 7:00-8:30PM AEST

You may also benefit from a space of 1:1 support- Turning Point is a drug and alcohol specialised service which also provides support to loved ones supporting people with addiction.

@Alicat I'll add that while there can certainly be destructive effects of addiction on individuals and others who care for them, alcoholism doesn't necessarily mean that things are destructive. I'm thinking of people who live with addiction who are in recovery or are entirely sober - who still see themselves as alcoholics There is the possibility of healing

In response to: Re: Feeling isolated with alcoholic husband

AlicatSenior Contributor18 June 2021, 4:39 pm AEST

Re: Feeling isolated with alcoholic husband

@AussieRecharger

I am one of those miracles who is sober and works a program of recovery. 🙏

I am witness to many people I have come to know, that have learnt strategies for themselves and ways to reclaim their own power back because of someone who's drinking is disruptive or they are struggling to understand the person even when their loved one is sober. You don't have to full blown alcoholic to be sucking the life and happiness from others.

Al-anon is strictly for the carer and not about the other person.

Sharing our lived experience with someone else who is or has gone through similar experiences, we know, is powerful and healing ❤️‍🩹

In response to: Feeling isolated with alcoholic husband

Beverley1New Contributor02 July 2021, 2:47 pm AEST

Re: Feeling isolated with alcoholic husband

That all sounds such good advice. My husband is currently in the local hospital ED department waiting to be seen by a psychiatrist. He has had bipolar for many years, we have been married for 25 years. His latest manic episode saw him develop a very close relationship with a much younger woman - thankfull she is not interested in a relationship with him. The last three days has seen him go into a very deep depression and he is now suicidal. He sees this as his only option as he has hurt me, his new girlfriend is not interested and he cannot financially support himself. Everything seems a mess. I have joined a gym and go swimming every day. I am trying to put myself first for a change. I have lost all trust in him.

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