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Burnout

IonaCasual Contributor12 June 2021, 3:04 pm AEST

Burnout

Hi all

i am feeling very burnt out. I have 3 daughters, aged between 19 and 22, with different mental health diagnoses, who need varying amounts of support. I am beginning to sink myself. It's been going on for about 5 years. There is a history of severe mental illness on both sides of the family, but I still really struggle with feelings of failure as a mum, cos they cannot function as young adults.Two of them are home most of the time. They have seen psychologists, psychiatrists and have had hospital stays and therapy, but they are still a long way from being able to cope with life as independent adults.

I avoid seeing friends cos I hate being asked how they are and what they are doing with their lives. And unlike other illnesses, you have to suffer in silence, people don't rally round to support you cos you can't really talk about it, if you do, it has the opposite effect, they don't know what to say so they avoid you.
It's taking its toll on my marriage too, we have different opinions of what's best for them.
I guess I'm just reaching out to reassure myself that we are not alone.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.

8 replies

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In response to: Burnout

Emelia8Senior Contributor15 June 2021, 1:35 pm AEST

Re: Burnout

Hi @Iona and welcome to Sane forums. I am sorry its now been 3 days without a response. Unfortunately you have posted in an area not commonly browsed by members, so your post has gone pretty much un-noticed. Although I see that another new member has pressed the support button to your post. Hi @KatieBrown 😊

I am hoping that one of the moderators or managers might transfer this thread into an appropriate area of the forums where other members will see it? @Former-Member @Daisydreamer

Emelia 🌸

In response to: Re: Burnout

TideisTurningSenior Contributor15 June 2021, 1:45 pm AEST

Re: Burnout

Thanks @Emelia8 for bringing this to our attention.

@Iona, firstly, welcome to the Forums! As Emelia8 suggested, I've moved the thread/discussion to another spot where it's more likely to get a few more replies from others here. I'm sorry to hear you've been struggling, though it sounds like there's a lot on your plate to be dealing with and that struggle is therefore understandable. I'm wondering if there's anyone around to support you? Any services you might access?

In response to: Burnout

SJT63Senior Contributor15 June 2021, 2:15 pm AEST

Re: Burnout

@Iona

Hi and welcome... so pleased they moved your post as I too had missed it.

I care for a mentally ill partner and I've been pretty much living in permanent burn out since the pandemic started and he moved in with me full time.

I can't talk about what happens at home to my friends or family because their solution is to kick him out and I don't want to do that.

My son, now nearly 30 has finally found his feet I think. He's never really had a proper job. I asked him to leave home at 19 because he'd been out of school 2 years and not even tried to look for work after failing year 12. He is smart as anything but simply wouldn't hand anything in. He's been back to me a couple of times since but we always end up at loggerheads and I have to ask him to leave again.

I know he has depression but refuses help. As a teen I would make appointments for him but short of trying to lift him into the car I couldn't make him go. Yes I ended up avoiding family things just so as they couldn't ask me how he was. I spent a lot of nights during year 11 camped outside his bedroom door incase he self harmed- a threat I later came to believe he made in order to manipulate me.

About 6 months ago he got a girlfriend. He will be 30 soon and has just started studying law. Go figure.

I still sometimes cry about having failed him. His sister is a whole different story - moved the to UK when she was 19 and has lived and worked there for the last 7 years. I don't think she likes me very much but at least I managed to grow an adult with that one.

You are not the only one. I'm tagging @Anastasia because she has a lot of wisdom and experience about caring for MI children.

burnt out doesn't come close to describing how many of us carers feel, most of the time.

In response to: Re: Burnout

AnastasiaSenior Contributor15 June 2021, 4:29 pm AEST

Re: Burnout

Hello @Iona

Thank you @Emelia8 @SJT63

Oh @Iona I feel like I wrote your post!!!!

I am so on your page and I am sorry for that for both of us!!!

Totally here for you but today is a particularly :pile_of_poo: day trying to juggle what potentially could be a complete meltdown for both me and my boy.

Keep posting hun, tag me I'll be here for you when I can.

I promise you aren't alone x

In response to: Re: Burnout

Shaz51Senior Contributor13 July 2021, 4:20 pm AEST

Re: Burnout

hello @Iona , how are you going today my friend

letting you that you are not alone

Topic Tuesday // Self Care for Carers // Tues 20th July, 7:00-8:30PM AESTis on nextt tuesday

Carers Hints and tips to Successand this one is good , just click on the link

Hello @Emelia8 , @TideisTurning , @SJT63 , @Anastasia

In response to: Re: Burnout

AnastasiaSenior Contributor13 July 2021, 4:32 pm AEST

Re: Burnout

@Shaz51 🙏💞

Hope to see you there @Iona 💞

In response to: Burnout

MarNew Contributor20 Aug 2021, 5:04 pm AEST

Re: Burnout

Im new to this forum, and don't usually post anything like this, but i need to, because i don't know what i can do. I can relate to many here, because i have a Adult son living at home, he hasn't been diagnosed with anything yet. He is afraid to do anything, study, exercise, going out. Doesn't want to get his licence. Just sits in his room day in day out. Looking at his phone or plays computer games. He won't talk to me either, so i don't know where to start. I think he blames me for miss opportunities in his life and now he has spiralled into Social Anxiety and depression. He has a older brother that he use to look up to and followed his lead. But now they can't relate to each other, and they just put their differences into the too hard basket. They just ignore each other, its so sad to see this happening to them, when they use to be so close when growing up as kids. I just want to see my youngest son happy, what can i do?

In response to: Burnout

AlwaysHappySenior Contributor10 Oct 2021, 2:09 pm AEDT

Re: Burnout

Hi Iona,

I realise your post was done a few months back. I have only just got back on this page after quite a break and when I was scrolling through, I found it. I'm wondering if you have received the support from this group you were hoping for? I don't have the answers, but I thought I would let you know that I feel your situation. Sometimes it helps to know someone else might understand because they feel similar to how you are feeling. The part in your post about not talking with friends (and why) is something I feel too. I have found that even family who don't see the daily experiences also struggle to understand what it is like to love children who have mental health issues. I feel there is judgement that occurs, which is unfair when they don't have the full story. I also really feel the sadness that comes from reaching out (which is often not easy to do) but feeling like despite your best efforts to describe your situation and the pain, fear and struggle you and your children experience, your story is really not heard or understood, and you are really alone with it. So, I reach out to you to let you know there are people who care and can listen. Don't give up. I hope things have improved for you since the time of your post, but if not, I am happy to chat again. My name on this forum is AlwaysHappy. It's something to aspire to, but not reality. I perhaps should change it to AlwaysGratefulButSometimesQuestioningWhatThe?

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